This group for heterosexuals in the BDSM lifestyle, 21 years of age and older. No sexual intercourse, No sleaze, No prostitution. I have been in the lifestyle for 15 years and I know how hard for others to find others like me, and to find sincere, loving partners in the lifestyle. This group is about discussing and learning about BDSM, and for finding a partner for a long Term Relationship. Our people are just other people, like you, who have rights and a mind of their own.
BDSM is not all about sex. It is about bonding, about deep and passionate love and as in a marriage, you need to earn someone's trust just as that person needs to earn your trust.
If any one wants to meet, I made this group so I could find my loving partner. Just to help, if you want to create a Meet Up, feel free to email me and I'll assist you in posting to the group so people can enjoy your idea and attend your Meet UP.
The Dominants Creed ~
Above all else, a Dominant cherishes his submissive; loves and cherishes her in the knowledge that her submission is the gift the submissive gives to him. That, is the greatest gift of all.
If are are a submissive male, please rewrite this"Dominant's Creed" in your valid terms.
A Dom is demanding and takes full advantage of the power given to Them, but knows how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious gift.
A Dom is in control of himself first and foremost, so that They may control others.
As a stern and demanding Dom, They can cause Their submissive to cry real tears.
As the consummate lover, They will then kiss the tears away, without stepping out of character.
In times of trouble, a Dom will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals.
A Dom is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.
A Dom would never ask a submissive to put Them before their career, or family, just to satisfy Their own pleasure.
To win a submissive's mind, body, spirit, soul, and love, a Dom knows They must first win their trust.
A Dom will show Their submissive humour, kindness, and warmth.
A Dom must always show them that Their guidance and tutoring is deserving of their attention, that this is a person they can learn from, and that they can trust Their direction.
A Dom is romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, They will fight for Their submissive's honour.
A Dom proves to their submissive that They are someone they can lean on, and depend on.
When it comes time to teach Their submissive their lessons of obedience, They are a strong and unyielding professor.
A Dom will accept no flaw. Nothing less than perfection from Their student.
Never does a Dom use discipline without a good reason. When they do punish Their submissive, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand.
A Dom is always open to communication and discussion; always ready to hear Their submissive's wants and needs.
A Dom is patient; taking time to learn Their submissive's limits, and knowing that as their trust of Them grows, so will they.
A Dom never has to demand ritual behavior from Their submissive. Their submissive responds to Them out of the want of pleasing them. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment.
A Dom understands the fragile nature of mind and body and never violates the trust given to Them.
A Dom is secure enough to laugh at himself and the absurdities of life. Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow.
A Dom's tools are mind, body, spirit, soul, and love.
A Dom understands that E/each partner gains most from pleasuring the O/other.
A true Dom is not hesitant to kneel to His submissive and kiss her hand in honor of her trust, service, and love for Him.
A Dom understands that E/each partner gains most from pleasuring the O/ other.
TRUST BUT VERIFY !!!! True power lies with the sub/slave that decides to give up the power to her Dom/Master. Its not about sexual acts that are independent of this connection. This intense mental connection requires two people who possess the depth and intellect to reach these levels and become greater as a couple than they are as individuals. I would not expect you to blindly trust me. ************************************************ ~~ Be careful who you bare your soul to. Too few will honor the gift, even fewer will know the value of it's worth. ~~ Your Word When one gives an assurance or promise or makes a sworn intention, one must make it come true. If one says he or she is going to do something, he or she should do it. If he or she says he or she is not going to do something he or she should not do it. People who keep their word are trusted and admired. People who do not are regarded like garbage. Those who break their word often never get another chance. Live by what you think, not by what you've been told. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it (Aristotle) The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.~Carl Jung~ Red Flags: 1) Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community? 2) Avoids talking about personal details.Gets mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions. 3) Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to. 4) Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them. 5) Is inconsistent with details about themselves.6)Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time. 7)Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times.8)Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it. 9)Consistently breaks promises. 10)Always finds excuses for not meeting. 11)Always puts blame on others for things going wrong. 12)Does not take personal responsibility. 13)Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members. 14)Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do. 15)Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.16)Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast. 17) Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you. 18)Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.19)Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a True sub. 20)Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame. 21)Puts you down in front of other people. 22)Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat. 23)Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next. 24)Goes to great lengths to get revenge on people.25)Lies or withholds information. Cheats on you or is overly jealous. 26)Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like. 27)Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship. 28)Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions. 29)Belittles your ideas.30)Blames you for your hurt feelings. 31) Abuses alcohol or other drugs. 32) Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others.33) Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm. 34)Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt.35)Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others.36)Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing. 37)Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations. 38)Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role.39)Has multiple on line identities for interacting with the same communities. 40)Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation. 41)Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors. 42)Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone. You should have control of yourself, if you don't have that, you should not give up any level of control. The Dom/Master should respect you, if he does not then, it won't last long. Both must be honest, trust can not be built without it. In a way a submissive girl has more to lose. In saying she wishes to please you, not please herself, she makes herself dependent. You can’t offer yourself to another the way the submissive girl does without then needing him. You can’t be self-sufficient when you are dependent on another to activate your deepest impulses. Take me to you, imprison me, for I, except you enthrall me, never shall be free, nor ever chaste, except you ravish me. (subs voice here) I with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others; they do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is being who they are, not in being better than someone else.