|Sent on:||Thursday, August 2, 2012 7:00 PM|
POLYAMOROUS VOLCANALIA PARTY:
AUGUST 18 : SATURDAY EVENING,
Party will be happening from 7:00 PM til 10:30 PM (Party officially ends at 10:30 PM. Permission to stay after 10:30 PM is by invitation only).
Directions and location will be emailed to those who RVSP.
No one under 18 years of age permitted. It will not be a g-rated event, at least not after 8:30 PM. This does not necessarily mean it will degenerate into a wild orgy, merely that there is no guaranetee of a g-rating after 8:30 PM.
RSVP to [address removed]
We will need to see valid picture ID for all those who are attending.
We are also having to limit the number of single males. This does NOT mean there will be no single males allowed, just that the number of them will be limited. Priority will be given to single females, couples, triads, quads, and all other configurations. (Note that the term "single male" is here defined as a male who arrives without the company of a female. The fact that he may have four wives back in Utah or/and several girlfriends does not enter into the discussion).
So what is a polyamorous Volcanalia Party?
Volcanalia commemorates the highly non-monogamous marriage between Venus and Vulcan.
Part of the Vulcanalia tradition was that celebrants brought empty wine containers and tossed them, (along with virgins, government officials, and live animals) into the nearest live volcano. This practice is alleged to help soothe and appease Vulcan's jealousy. A capital idea, in my opinion, (especially that part about government officials), but due to various theological considerations, I must suggest a few modifications. For instance, instead of showing up with an empty beverage container, I suggest people bring a full one and then proceed to empty it themselves while at the party. (This was, after all, a solemn religious ritual, and if the custom specifies the container must be empty, well then, by Jupiter, you won't want to be leaving such an important detail to chance, now, do you?). Instead of throwing the empties into the fire, we will have specially- designated sacred recepticals set aside for this purpose. Since there are no known virgins of any gender over the age of 14 in Berkeley, (And no one under 18 is allowed to attend the event) we'll have to skip that part this year. Since the nearest volcano is not even accessible by public transit, as a substitute, we'll set up a sacred bonfire in the back yard, and dedicate it to Vulcan. Instead of tossing live animals into the fire, I suggest simply roasting the flesh of various pre-killed beasts and vegetable substances. By participating in this ritual, rest assured that you are helping to soothe the jealousy of Vulcan, perhaps even indirectly and magically helping yourself transcend any remaining jealous tendencies you might still have, and possibly even rendering a public service by diminishing the chances of a volcano erupting in the middle of Shattuck Bvld.
This will NOT (repeat, NOT) be a G-rated party.
This does not necessarily mean that it will degenerate into a wild orgy, just that a g-rating is not guaranteed after 8:30 PM!!!!!!!!!!!
RSVP to [address removed]