Ahoy me scurvy two-wheeled bilge rats!
It's that time 'o year, Talk Like A Pirate Day, and ye know what that means?
Aye! It's Biker Entourage's (first) Annual Pirate Ride! So come ride with us through the city dressed in yer finest pirate garb.
We'll be following landmarks connected to our city's most famous pirate, Captain Kidd.
Monday, the 18th of September, in this Year of our Lord Two Thousand and Eleven
* 7:00PM - THE EAR INN, 326 Spring St. This New York City landmark was erected in 1817 for James Brown, an African-American man fighting alongside George Washington during the Revolution. It's also famous for being haunted by the ghost of a sailor, Mickey. Arrr that's where we start!
* 7:30PM - We chart a course North on the WEST SIDE HIGHWAY (9A) alongside the same river that pirates used to bring their boats 'n booty through back when this was a Dutch city.
* 1st Stop - RIDING THROUGH TIMES SQUARE - we stop after we turn into 42nd Street to regroup, then ride through Times Square. The truth is there is nothin piratey about Times Square other than the fact that Toys R Us sells Pirates of the Caribbean LEGO sets. In fact, Times Square wasn't even a part of the city when pirates wandered its streets. But we're ridin through with swords 'n sabres rattlin in the air, just because it sounds like it'd be pretty cool.
* Ride down 5TH AVENUE, left on Waverly Place (at Washington Square Park), and right onto BROADWAY.
* 2nd Stop: TRINITY CHURCH (across from where Wall Street ends) - believe it or not, Captain Kidd was one of the revered founders of this important NYC landmark (before he was hung for piracy of course).
* 3rd Stop: CAPT'N KIDD'S NYC RESIDENCE and MOCK SWORD FIGHT, PILLAGE N' PLUNDER, 56 Wall St - continue slight left down Broadway again, left onto Bridge St, left onto Broad St., 1st right onto S. Williams St, and right onto Wall Street. For all who've brought cutlasses, sabers, muskets or other mock weapons, here we'll engage in a mock sword fight, pillage 'n plunder free-for-all. Weapons may cross but there'll be no actual poking or slashing, just a tribute to the scalliwag pirates, and particularly Capt Kidd, who'll no doubt be lhfao while looking down at us (or more likely up at us :p ).
* 4th and final Stop: SOUTH STREET SEAPORT - turn left onto Water St., continue onto Pearl St. (Pearl Arrr!), right onto FDR Drive S ramp, South St Seaport in about 200 ft. Need anything be said about this final port of call before heading back to the Ear Inn for some brew and wenches?
* OPTIONAL RIDE BACK TO EAR INN - 326 Spring St.- Continue S down FDR, swing round into West Side Highway N. (9A), Turn right onto Spring St.
Since we'll be riding as a group through the most populated and densest city in America, there'll be no tomfoolery, stuntin or other squiddlike behavior. Make as much noise as you want, rev your engines, make a fool or a spectacle of yourself, but you gotta ride slow and safe, and try to stay together as a group. If some get left behind don't pass any lights or do anything that'll give ye or ye fellow pirates a fistfull 'o road rash. Just meet us at the next official stopping point.
We always figured there's a pirate in all bikers. So instead of hoistin keel, pillagin 'n plunderin', as modern and civilized homo sapieans we'll just be ridin, pillagin' n plunderin' instead. OK maybe not the pillagin n plunderin part, but at least dressin' in our best pirate garb 'n ridin' round the city 'n raisin a wee bit hell to remind all the gentlefolk that pirates really did walk these same streets in days of yore. And had these wheeled dragons been invented say 400 years ago, pirates'd be roarin through the streets with these wheeled dragons between their legs 'n pegs sure as a shark loves a chumbucket.
If ye be sailin the road on four wheels instead 'o two, ye can join us still by ridin' shotgun. But ye cage better have some serious pirate dressins or else we'll throw ye in the iron maiden and sell yer heap for scrap.
FIND A WENCH WHO WANTS A RIDE:
Last but not least, some of our girls, err wenches, from our sister group on Meetup.com, Girls Who Like Guys Who Ride Motorcycles (also a group on Facebook), might be looking for a ride. So join Meetup and ask a wench whether she'd want to saddle yer schooner.http://www.meetup.com/Girls-Who-Like-Guys-Who-Ride-Motorcycles-NYC
Whether ye use pick up line beauties like "how'd ye like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?" or just ask politely like a landlubber, that's up to you.
Last but not least, props go to the rapscallions who imagined Talk Like A Pirate Day. Their website has great resources like pirate pickup lines and TLAP tutorials at www.talklikeapirate.com
The press has been invited for the ride but I have no idea if anyone will show.
To learn more about Captain Kidd--who was born in Scotland but became a resident of NYC before he was hung for piracy--http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Kidd