Welcome!

Okay, so here’s the truth: I am starting this group because I was too afraid to actually reach out to try to join someone else’s group on Meetup.

Even though I read all about the “Northern NJ Writers” group, the “Agony of the Leaf” tea group, or the various book club groups, and got all excited about finding others with similar interests… The truth is that I was simply too afraid to reach out to complete strangers, on my own, in that way.

Which it is when it hit me that, somehow, against all odds, I have become completely co-dependent upon the company of my spouse.

I realized, as I browsed the various Meetup groups in my area, that I was unable to try something new, something that would be interesting and enjoyable, something that involved taking a risk and putting myself out there, completely on my own.

So, I decided to be honest with myself and then to take action. Somewhere along the line, I have become dependent upon my partner to meet all of my social needs; so much so that I have isolated myself from others, and consequently have lost quite a bit of self-confidence.

I am an educated, thirty year old woman, in a loving marriage. I always considered myself strong, and independent. My husband is a liberal, supportive man. I married my best friend.

About three years ago, we settled in suburban New Jersey (my home state) after living in Colorado for many years (his home state), with a few stops in between.

During our time in New Jersey, we have focused entirely on establishing ourselves in our careers as educators. We have worked tirelessly to pay off school loans, to set ourselves up for a great “future.” Ironically, this focus on the “future” has been at the expense of the present.

Recently, I have come to grips with the fact that, now, my husband is not only my best friend, but one of my only friends.

My community has dramatically decreased in size. Friends from college and graduate school are living all across the country, and are focused on their own lives, children, careers, etc. I have lost touch with most, and have not put forth the effort or time to establish new friendships in my current community.

This group is for people who, somewhere along the line, have lost part of themselves, and have used their marriages to compensate.

If you have retreated into the safety of your marriage, partnership, or are feeling swallowed by “life,” but are discovering the need to reconnect and develop new friendships, I hope this group can serve as a supportive start!

Truthfully, writing this “blurb” has been one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I fear that I am the only one feeling this way. Still, I truly hope that by reaching out, voicing my vulnerability, and exposing myself, I could possibly find other people with whom I might connect, and share a real bond.

Expect: Comfortable conversation, concerts, plays, wine, pot-luck, night’s out on the town, book talks, hikes, doggie walking…

Open to all suggestions!