Silicon Valley Leadership Group - Coaching By Amelia Message Board › Extraordinary Relationships (combined parts 1 and 2) - Highlights from 7/2 &

Extraordinary Relationships (combined parts 1 and 2) - Highlights from 7/2 & 7/9/2008

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Corinne
user 6763488
San Jose, CA
Post #: 5
Tony Robbins shows that extraordinary relationships essentially rely on:

1- Understanding & Giving
* effectively meeting each other's 6 human needs
(we've summarized the 6 human needs here­)

2- Trust & Respect
* provides the certainty of a common interest to build and maintain the relationship
* respect of differences and the allowance of polarity

3- Intimacy, emotional and spiritual Connection, Passion, Sharing
* enables unconditional love

4- Honesty
* giving each other non-conflicting messages (verbal/ non-verbal)

5- Alignment & Partner selection criteria
* similar core values
* compatible rules (involving reasonable levels of flexibilities)

While the above list or table is a great way to remember the key concepts, let's develop each of the topics
with a bit more detail to allow a more in-depth understanding.


1- Understanding & Giving

A good understanding of self, of one's needs and strengths allows us to view day-to-day situations in a relationship more objectively. Sentiments of disappointment or anger, should they occur, can then be put in perspective and compared to past experiences. Understanding possible root-causes linked to self can help us behave in a more balanced way in our relationship.

A loving relationship is all about giving love first, not about receiving, although common expectations may suggest the contrary. Helping our partner to fulfill his/her 6 human needs will create a solid foundation for unconditional love, which is the ultimate stage and most powerful form of love. This involves awareness and acceptance of who our partner really is. If love is reciprocal we have a fulfilling relationship and meet our 6 human needs at the highest level (mutual contribution)

Giving love implies that we already have the energy, positive vibration or enthusiasm necessary to share or give away. Hence it is crucial to love and respect oneself to literally fill up this reservoir rather than being depleted. Being in a state of overall gratitude and happiness is the baseline to beginning an extraordinary relationship.


2- Trust & Respect

Trust is the foundation needed in a relationship to build upon. Without trust there can be no true intimacy or honesty. Trust also makes possible to fact of giving love unconditionally, prior to requiring receiving love.


3- Intimacy, emotional and spiritual Connection, Passion, Sharing

This is what brings the relationship to the highest level, the desired level. Note that (1) "Understanding & Giving" and (2) "Trust & Respect" are prerequisites.


4- Honesty

Open and clear communication is key to developing and maintaining an extraordinary relationship. Sharing clues about our needs or how our partner successfully fulfills them makes (1) "Understanding & Giving" easier and achievable. Note that common problems are often related to conflicting messages (verbal/ non-verbal). Most of our communication is usually non-verbal. Honesty also means to not let our Ego get in the way.


5- Alignment & Partner selection criteria

Successful relationships require compatible value systems and set of fundamental rules or expectations.

A good start for finding a great partner is to determine a list of "must haves" and "must not haves". Recognizing the principle of the law of attraction, the latter can be included in the first list when turned around into opposite attributes. Applying a written plan for a great relationship in the selection process avoids ultimate conflicts of core values and rules and facilitates similar expectations.

People often seek attributes in their partner which one does not possess oneself. It translates the need for "Polarity". While polarity is necessary in a relationship, great care has to be applied not to end up with partners having a different value system or set of rules. In such an unfortunate case both partners would eventually break up the relationship for the same reason they initially started it.

Select a partner based on qualities, activities, habits and appearance. Consider further whether a given person can do and will do what it takes to fulfill us, whether the needed level of attraction is there and whether there is a bilateral fit (including the other side). This should create a foundation for positive rather than negative emotions on an ongoing basis.

Ask yourself also what kind of person you would need to be or become to attract your desired soul mate and raise your own standards accordingly as much as possible.


This concludes the summary for Extraordinary Relationships.

Thanks much to Amelia for hosting this event and for everyone's contributions tonight and last week.

Cheers,
Corinne.
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