It's OK to admit it: All your friends are coming in to work in the morning talking about that wicked sweet algorithm they wrote in like 3 lines of OCaml, and you're a little jealous. You went and downloaded haskell and clojure and started playing around and then: "OH GOD HOW DO I WRITE A LOOP WAIT WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT HOMOICONICITY WHAT DO YOU MEAN MONAD WTF IS ZYGOHISTOMORPHIC PREPROMORPHISM I JUST WANTED TO WRITE A PROGRAM"
It's cool. We won't tell anybody.
If you've been having higher-order-function envy, we've got the perfect thing for you -- we're holding a support group for the object-ively minded, to help you recover and learn to live functionally.
We'll test-drive some common problem-solving patterns in a comfy JVM language, and you'll leave feeling relieved that the next time your co-worker needs help figuring out why his recursion is not tail-call optimized, you'll be there to show him how to fix it.
Maybe you don't need a meeting on being functional. That's cool too, we won't tell your sponsor. If that's the case, you should show up anyways, since there's a 99.95% chance of unhealthy food. No stale donuts and weak coffee here.
Nathan Dotz is a software engineer at Detroit Labs, where miracles are performed on mobile devices, and a founding member of the All Hands Active Hackerspace, which has been working steadfastly to awesomify the brains of creators for over 3 years. He’s an open-source contributor, an open-education advocate, and a functional programming fanboy.