Re: [atheists-27] Weddings

From: friend of Smokey the Bear
Sent on: Saturday, August 31, 2013 6:03 PM
i am simply sharing facts here, Don:
these children are adults.
adults have responsibilities.

i raised my children to become responsible adults, and to know that their decisions might benefit from outside counseling.
if there is one whom they feel they want to spend the rest of their lives, that is their decision; however, if children become involved and the relationship becomes dysfunctional for whatever reason, that they should not be hampered by the "Cinderella effect" (he's the father of my child/ren; therefore, i must stay.), suck it up and admit they made a mistake and move on.

evolution suggests that people are not wired for one life long relationship.

chandler



On Sat, Aug 31, 2013 at 5:51 PM, chandler wiland <[address removed]> wrote:
full disclosure: i am bi-racial, bi-cultural, raised in a polytheistic home (dad was a Catholic altar boy, mom was Shinto and English as a second language).

so, i think outside of your box.
chandler


On Sat, Aug 31, 2013 at 5:46 PM, Don Wharton <[address removed]> wrote:
As the mother of three daughters I can imagine what have done or will go through in financing three of these extravaganzas.  You, of course, are quite correct that the groom and bride are intensely involved both in planning and conveying expectations.  Yes we are enabling it.  My question is what is being achieved?  If we want more evidence to support our cultural assumptions than theists, what excactly are we buying with these events.  Is the marriage going to be more solid over the long term?  Are the outcomes going to be better for the children?  Does anyone really have a clue?  Is it just tradition that continues with the momentum of history?
 
Don

From: friend of Smokey the Bear <[address removed]>
To: [address removed]
Sent: Saturday, August 31, 2013 4:45 PM
Subject: Re: [atheists-27] Weddings

this is simply my opinion, which was solicited: 
     the decision of how much a parent must spend on a child's wedding is a parenting decision and not a decision to be made by children.
     conjecture:  the kids told the parents what they wanted to do; parents enabled it.
    

chandler
mother of three daughters


On Sat, Aug 31, 2013 at 4:03 PM, Don Wharton <[address removed]> wrote:
My son is getting married in September. The cost to the bride's family is the largest expense. The cost to my family is inching close to five figures. My guess is that with all the gifts that will be given the total may be in the neighborhood of $100,000. In recent months my son and his prospective bride paid for two different plane fares to destination weddings. These fancy weddings seem to be a cultural norm.
 
Am I crazy or does this seem to be a bit much to others on our group? Yes this is a special day for two wonderful young people. There is a quaint echo of the old potlatch tradition with some American Indian tribes, be extremely generous to other people in the feast that you host and the gifts that you give and whoever is more extravagant is deemed to be the winner and thus more worthy of prestige and status. ????
 
We are a group that questions more than other groups do. Should we be questioning this institution?  I will shortly leave to for a taste testing to select dishes that will be used for a "rehearsal dinner." 
People feel a need to practice these things to make sure that they are getting it right. So we will practice eating the various dishes to make sure that real practice hits just the right note.
 
Don




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Please Note: If you hit "REPLY", your message will be sent to everyone on this mailing list ([address removed])
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