Routines Collection 2

This collection of Routines is for Mid to Late Game. DHV style routines are in the DHV Routines Collection and opener routines are in the Openers Collection

Lair members can add routines by clicking "Edit" above.

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Jealous Cat (Bad Pirate) "My friend has been going out with a girl for about three months and they get along really well, they love each other heaps, but her cat hates him. Like whenever he tries to pet it, it will just look at him like he's an idiot and walk off and one time he left his shoes by the door and it pissed on them. What do you think he should do? We've thought of four things:

• Just be nice to it even though it's going to hate him.
  
• Ignore it.
  
• Say to his girlfriend : It's me or the cat.
  
• When she's not looking 'accidentally' (two fingers motion) run it over with his car.

I seem to get best results with it as about the third routine.

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Kids Charity (Unknown) Would you shave her head for a sponsored charity event? "Yes." Bust on her: Haha, I can imagine it... You'd look like my friend Bob... OR: "No" Awww, you're so mean... think of the children... (I can't date you, link to bad girl routine, etc.)

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The Lying Game (Braid Ged) I have had a great reaction from this game even from HBs who didn't end up digging me.

Braid_Ged: Hey, are you a good liar ?
HB: What ?
Braid_Ged: Can you lie, like (turns to other HB), is she a good liar ?
HB_Other: Yes! She is a fantastic liar! / No, she can't lie.
Braid_Ged: Is that right? Well lets see. Ok, you are going to tell me three things. One of them will be a lie. Ok ?
HB: Ok.
Braid_Ged: Right.. you are going to tell me.... umm.. a place you have always wanted to visit. Ummm a shop you like going to... and.... the name of the first guy you slept with, or girl... (HB raises eyebrow.)
Braid_Ged: Ok guy. So that's three things, place to visit, shop you like and first guy you slept with. Ok ? (The whole table is now looking at her.)
HB: Ok.
Braid_Ged: Ok... hold on, take it slow, think about it you have to try and be as convincing as you can... (She tells.. you try and pick the lie... you get the idea.)
Then usually someone goes "MY Turn!" and if they say to you "Your turn" you go "Are you kidding, I am not playing some silly lie game", then turn to your wing "Yeah like _I_ and going to play some lie game, these people are crazy". Then go get a drink or something and let them think about what a fun guy you are. .... .... .... you get the idea.

Ryobi's version: This is great for cocky and playful as well as bringing in sexual themes in a humorous way. It also allows you to bust on her.

Who do you think lies more, men or women?
Her .... (whatever)
"Oh yeah, I am not so sure, but I know a way to find out. (Smile) OK - Which one of these things about me is true? Only ONE of them is true ....

Number 1. I was left a large estate by a dead relative
Number 2. I have a big Jacuzzi at home.
Number 3. (Whispering a little as if you are sharing a secret.) I have a 12 inch penis.
Number 4. I am gay!

Let her decide what she thinks is the true statement then say. "No! Actually, I lied, they are ALL TRUE. Just your luck to meet a rich guy with a Jacuzzi and a 12 inch cock who turns out to be gay!" Then I do a fake semi-turn away and look at her over my shoulder and smile.

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Masturbating in the Shower (Unknown)

You: Did you know that 93% of girls masturbate in the shower?
Her: No.
You: The other 7% sing.
Her: Oh yeah?
You: And do you know what they sing?
Her: No, what?
You: Oh you must be one of the girls that masturbates then.
Her: HAHAHA.

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Name Mnemonics (Style)

HB: What's your name?
Style: I'm Style.
HB: I'm Janet. This is Donna. And that's Tony.
Style: Okay…….Janet…Donna…Tony. You know, I used to be really bad with names.
HBs: Omigod, I'm so bad with names.
Style: But you don't have to be anymore. Here, I'll show you in two seconds. All I do when I'm introduced to you is make a picture in my head. So if you're Janet, I picture you with the head of Janet from Three's Company. No offense. And for Donna, I just picture like the dawn, and the sun rising over your head. And for Tony, I see you on the front of a box of Frosted Flakes. Here, I'll show you.

Now, in the old days, I'd have them memorize my whole name: First, Middle, and Last. But it came off as too gimmick-y. Now, I grab my wing, or a stranger in the club (like another girl I want to meet) and teach them how to memorize his/her First, Middle, and Last name. Learn about mnemonics if you don't know this. But for it to work, you MUST have them really SEE the picture in their minds. It also becomes fun testing them later in the sarge to see if they still remember.

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100% Perfect Girl (Style) Once upon a time, there was this guy...
who was walking down the street...
and there was a beautiful girl that was walking down the street towards him.


And when they saw each other, they stopped...and decided to start talking. It was a totally natural and spontaneous thing and it wasn't something that these people usually do. It just happened.

And these people just connected with each other on every word and at every level. It was as if, they had already known each other for so long, even though they had only known each other a matter of minutes...but it soon came a couple hours. And the incredible connection these two made was so strong it was as if there was a glowing light between these two people. So it was then that they decided that their meeting must be FATE. To test this out, the two went on their separate ways...and decided that if they would meet again, they would KNOW for sure that it was their DESTINY to be together. So they departed. They went on their separate ways.

And as the years passed, a plague hit their city. And many people died. And years later...there was this guy...who was walking down the street...and there was a beautiful girl that was walking down the street towards him. And as they passed each other, both people recalled a faint glimpse of a memory of having seen each other before. But they continued walking their own separate ways...

THE END

I've found this to be a very useful late-game tactic. Use this to 'trump' LMR.

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Picasso (The Madman) You need: 2 pens and a notepad. Great for college classes, libraries, cafes.

Ask her if she knows how to play Picasso. (She won't, you've made up the name.) Then tear a sheet off the notepad and give it to her along with a pen. Explain that the point of the game is for you both to draw each other, but without looking at the sheet of paper until you're finished.

This results in a minute or so of laughter and eye contact followed by two hilarious Picasso-esque drawings. You can then tell her your picture flattered her, bust on her for her crappy drawing, and get her to sign it and leave her phone number. (You know of a dealer who may be interested.) Or get a stranger to judge who's the best - the loser buys the winner a doughnut.

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Pretend to Strike Her (TwentySix) In set, when you’re at that playful point in the interaction pretend like you’re going to hit your target. Pretend like you’re going to strike her in the face. Yeah, it’s fucked, but it works, and there are many reasons why it works. Take your right hand and cock it back over your front-left shoulder (or vice-versa). It’s like you’re getting ready to backhand smack her in the face – hard. Keep jagging it back there (stuttering the arm). Keep cocking it back and forth like you’re ‘that’ close to hitting her. Maybe bite your lower lip for effect. Get in to it. Have that playful smile on your face. Mini-role playing. It’s not a regular role play – it’s quick, and it’s initiated instantly. At the same time it is messed up. Why does this work? Some alpha male assholes hit women, no one else does this, it's fun.

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PVC Devil (Tyler Durden) "Oh, you're getting feisty, huh? You know what I would do with you? I would dress you up.... in a red.. PVC... Devil outfit.. You'd have little horns like this... and a tail... bitch boots, and..... a pitch fork. Now your friend here.. I'd dress her up in a similar angel outfit.. with wings.. and a fur halo.. and I'd roll with you guys on each arm down the street.. Every girl would be jealous of you.. And whenever I'd have to make a decision.. I'd let each of you fight over which decision is the most fun.. and whatever one would be the most fun.. we'd do that." I've also occasionally been known to follow up with variations of things I heard from Style, like "Actually forget that.. I'd dress you up like a nun.. and me like a priest.. and we'd go into a church and to freak everyone out we'd just start making out. Actually fuck that, you're my little sister! That's disgusting! What are you doing to me!? Girls are sexual predators, you know that... you're doing (whatever she's doing) and you think you're all covert.. but I know this.. Girls are sexual predators.. (sexual predator routine stuff)." I use this stuff early in set, or later on in set before I'm about to move them, and it's to implant the idea of rolling on each arm, and then I throw out my arms and they jump on like magnets. Lately I've also teasing girls as "Polarity Responders", and explain that they're arguing with everything I say, as well as "stimulus seeking state change junkies" when they're not focusing.

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Question Game (Mystery, Craig)

You: Let's play the question game.
Her: What's the question game?
You: Well, it's like Truth or Dare but without the Dare, because I don't know how weird you are yet! The questions have to be good ones, no "where do you work" bullshit, ok? You go first!
Her: I can't think of anything!
You: Ok, how many boyfriends have you had?

From there the questions will get deeper and more sexual as the game goes along. Then after you have been playing for a few minutes, when it's your turn you can say

You: I have a good question for you... Would you like to kiss me?
Her: I don't know.
You: Let's find out!
(Kiss.)
You: I thought so!

Don't go overboard with the sexual questions. Asking even one of the above questions might do just fine, especially if she responds positively, which is your cue that she would also be ready for the final question.

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Romance Novels (Maddash) Listen. I need a woman's opinion on something. You look like a woman, right? (smile) That's what I thought. Do you think women COMMUNICATE differently than men? (HB: of course!) Me, too.


I find it so amazing, I think about things, you know ... Why is it that women find men attractive? I mean, women are beautiful and sexy and sensual ... oh my god ... but men, men are ugly, hairy, brutish ... I finally figured out why it is... being sexy and sensual and beautiful is a woman's art ... You know what a man's art is? Language ... the ability to communicate and to use words to speak to a woman the way she wants to be spoken to ... for instance (I lean in here) ... what if you knew me and I whispered in your ear ... (deep calm sexy voice) how beautiful you are ... how amazingly sexy you are ... how you drive me absolutely mad with desire and how much I need you ... that is something only an intelligent man can do for you ... you know how I learned this?


I'm in advertising, and for about six months ago I've been intrigued with how men and women communicate. What happened is that a friend of mine in the publishing industry told me this fact that blew me away.


He told me that out of all of the books sold in the US, 49% of them dealt with every category except for one. For instance - religion, art, physics, the Bible ... everything ... except for one. The other 51% is this other category ... do you know what it is? Romance Novels.


Well, I'm the kind of guy who if you tell me something interesting like that, I think and think and think about it. You know? So I got to thinking ... why is that? Well, I went to the local Borders and I found the romance section ... this HUGE (hold hands out) section that I've never noticed before! These three women were there looking at books, so I asked one of them to recommend one for me and I buy it. I get about 5 pages into it, and I'm thinking "what the hell is this?". I call my buddy, and he says "keep reading". So I finish it.


Well, I grew up with 6 female cousins and 2 older sisters ... no brothers ... I thought I understood women ... but that book blew me away. I was seeing this girl at the time and it was sort of dull... you know... Anyway, I was writing her an email and I got the idea that maybe I should rephrase things a little bit, you know, the way that a woman wants to hear. So I rewrote my email, saying the same exact thing that it said before, but worded differently. I spoke to HER... the next day, at 5:45am I got her reply ... "I couldn't sleep all night, I've been thinking about you constantly, I have never had anybody understand me so well before, I am feeling so passionate right now."

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Ring Finger (doughh)

The first finger is associated with Jupiter (strong and powerful), index finger Saturn, ring finger Apollo and little finger Mercury. Now let's creatively interpret according to what you want to tell her. There are 3 categories of qualities as I see it:

• Qualities you want her to have: adventurous, spontaneous, playful, passionate, deep connections etc.
  
  
• Qualities you have: alpha male qualities etc, powerful, strong etc.
  
  
• Qualities to psychic read her and make her think you know about her: intuitive, creative, etc.

Did you know the finger you wear a ring on can make an important psychological statement about you.. Each of the fingers have different energies associated with them which are associated with the different Roman Gods for example the first finger is associated with Jupiter.. as you know was a great leader... for example have you ever met someone (sp) who was strong and powerful and could lead you into new directions ...

Link alpha qualities to yourself.


Now pick a female quality and associate it with say the index finger.. You could tell her she is intuitive. Or pick the finger she is wearing the ring on and tell her she is intuitive!

For the ring finger, creatively change Apollo to Venus and tell her she is capable of deep connections. This leads into the IC pattern. You can also tell her this is the only finger in her hand that has a blood vessel that leads all the way to her heart an how they describe in the mythology how it will feel when you meet that special person... (lead to IC pattern).

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The Ruby Butterfly (Bishop)

Below the bluest sky with its wisp of cotton white clouds,
lay a massive field of lush green.

Beyond the field stand many trees,
which interlock like nature in dance.

Through the trees you can hear a waterfall,
which sounds like angels laughing joyfully.

At the foot of the waterfall, next to the rocks,
is a colorful...
single...
flower.

Upon that flower sits a butterfly.
A beautiful...
magical...
butterfly.

To most everyone she is a sight to behold,
but she must be handled carefully.

Because beyond her obvious beauty,
lay a secret that very few have ever known,
and fewer still have ever seen.

To unlock this secret, one must touch her in just the right way.
A gentle...caring...caress, down her back,
will release a sprinkle of golden dust from her fluttering wings.

This golden dust will form a glowing globe,
with only you and she inside.

This is where....magic happens.
Touch her wings...just...like...this,
and watch them turn a beautiful ruby red.
A caress here...a stroke there...just right.

Her wings will flutter faster with each perfect touch.
Faster...and faster....and faster.
A warmth will begin to grow,
both in her...and in you.

A warmth of satisfaction...of something...wonderful.
Her ruby wings will flutter so fast,
that they actually...start...glowing.

Glowing brighter...and brighter...and even brighter.
Soon all that you are...all that she is...
is bathed in this flood of pure enjoyment.
Nothing else can describe it...
because the words have not been discovered yet.

The very peak of absolute pleasure is reached...
then you are sent flying beyond even that.
You hear the echo of a single word, uttered by the butterfly.
One word that causes this voice inside you to respond...to release.
One word that makes everything safe...everything allowed.
Shhh...listen....can you hear it?
The word. Permission.

Make sure to send this in an e-mail first, unless you are using it as part of your sarge during a later coffee meeting with a babe. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SHE IS A HIGHLY IMAGINATIVE PERSON BEFORE YOU SEND THIS!!! This is NOT a "send it to them all" story, it is designed to appeal to those babes with highly visual imaginations, much like my "Warm Fuzzy" story. When she has finished reading it, and asks you for the secret word, have her call you, or you call her, and have her read you the story. Then, once she's done, say, "The secret word is...Permission. Permission to step outside the confines of your day...step outside of what you know, and into something...wonderful...and amazing...and fulfilling. Allow yourself this pleasure...this luxury...you deserve it...so just go for it." If you happen to have her sitting there with you, end with, "Can you FEEL THAT (anchor her wrist) to something worth indulging in?"

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