The Dallas Examined Life Philosophy Group Message Board › Topic future
Meaning of or definition of real or true love.
|A former member||
Meaning of or definition of real or true love.I think True Love is understood by most people to be idealized love, i.e., the profoundly hopeful feeling that two people will feel for each other if/when (due to their physical appearance & their performances around each other) each of them perceives the other as being quite possibly the ideal mating partner they could ever hope to encounter.
If only one person idealizes the other in this way, then we are not talking about True Love, for the feelings that the idealizer experiences are ‘unrequited.’ Thus, they cannot be considered the ideal that one could hope to experience.
Our tendency to idealize those who appear to be very pretty/handsome to us seems to be a universally shared ‘habit of the mind’ among human beings. It may not be at all unfair to call it THE core component of a True Love relationship, at least in the earliest stages of its development.
It is also the reason why, at the earliest stages of a relationship, it can be very difficult to distinguish between True Love and infatuation.
I claim that a real True Love relationship can only be revealed over time, as the capacity of each of the lovers to idealize each other remains largely undiminished in spite of the constant stream of ‘reality checks’ that each will no doubt experience as intimate contact continues over days/weeks/months/years.
One necessary development: each of the lovers must be quite earnest in hiser efforts to perfect himerself for the other. When such is the case, then there is a decent chance that each will be able to make the other happy for quite a long time, but it is really just one of the challenges that must be successfully faced.
True Love relationships that survive the test of time are very difficult to pull off due primarily to the failure of most people to recognize that they cannot rely on their ‘instincts’ to guide them in their interactions with their intimate partners.
One of these instincts in particular, the Anger Instinct, is singularly responsible for the fact that most marriages today, which begin as special unions between best friends, evolve over time into painful wars fought out by individuals who have become worst enemies.
In order for any romantic bond between two people to have a chance of evolving into a True Love relationship, it is necessary that both of them fear the power of the Anger Instinct to destroy the feelings of love that they have for each other.
This is absolutely necessary because Fear is the only thing that is powerful enough to inhibit the Anger Instinct. Without the constant presence of that appropriate fear, virtually any love-relationship is ultimately doomed to failure. (Yes, there are other hurdles that must also be overcome, but this is The Big One. They must FEAR THE ANGER INSTINCT.)
I believe in True Love, I believe it is something that is possible for human beings to experience. I encourage its pursuit, but I stress that it is not something that ‘just happens’ naturally; it is something that can only have a chance of happening if both of the individual minds involved reject many of ‘urges’ that will surely well up within them, due to their biological programming.
Which is, I suppose, another way of simply saying that True Love is a phenomenon of the Mind, and not a product of biological programming.