The IRS is auditing Ralph because he has an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment. He claims that he won all the money through gambling, so he showed up to the IRS office with his attorney.
Ralph: "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it. How about a demonstration?"
Auditor: "Fine. Go ahead."
Ralph: "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
Auditor: "No way! It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph: "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
Ralph: "Want to go double or nothing? I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
Auditor: "Are you okay?"
Attorney: "No. This morning when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20,000 that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."