11603 Slater St, Los Angeles, CA
Here's about the biggest burger I've EVER seen! I've never been here so I'll include a review of the place for your reading pleasure. I have to be in Gardena at 7pm so, sorry, I've set the meeting time early and I have to leave at 6:45pm but if there's a lot of people that what to check this place out, people might be here for a while because... the Hawkins Burger... If you dare to try it, takes about 20 min to prepare, so if a few people plan to order it, we'll be here awhile. I personally plan to order one, but I'd like to share it with about 3 people... LOL
Good Grief! This Hawkins Burger Special looks ridiculous! Gotta check this out.
Why you shouldn't attend
Good gravy, that was an intense burger! I have routinely put away large special orders at In-n-Out, eaten entire pizzas by myself, and imbibed the occasional gallon of Guinness, but I met my match in the form of the colossal Hawkins Special.
For those not in the know, the Hawkins Special consists of three 1-lb. hamburger patties, each covered with cheese, and separated by interstitial buns. Accompanying the bottom patty are bacon, lettuce, tomato, onion, and chili. The middle section includes fried eggs, pastrami, and mustard. The top portion brings a butterflied hot link, pickles, and mayo. All told, the beast stands ~10" high and probably weighs nigh on 5 lbs. The cost is $15.99, and includes a bag of french fries and a soda. I got Diet Coke because it's important to be diet-conscious.
After ordering, the burger took quite a while to prepare - probably close to 20 minutes or so. When I finally got my order from the pick-up window, I cradled it in my arm like a baby - a lovely baby I was about to devour. I took a seat in the corner and unwrapped my meal. I reconnoitered the situation and quickly developed a game plan: I would consume the burger from bottom to top, so as to eat the part with the chili before it had a chance to get soggy. I took my first few bites, and quickly recognized that I had in my possession a phenomenally delicious hamburger, and quite possibly one of the best I've ever eaten. I made short work of Layer 1.
I quickly traversed to Layer 2, and got about 2/3 through that layer before I hit a wall. I'm not sure whether my jaw was getting tired from working the pastrami (which was flavorful, but a bit on the chewy side), or if my stomach was sending flashing red "FULL" signals to my brain, but my pace dropped off precipitously. If Layer 1 tasted like burger nirvana, Layer 2 tasted like a challenge. I polished it off with determination.
I think the only way I could have completely finished Layer 3 that day is if I had somebody pushing it down some sort of hopper or burger-bong with gravity working in my favor. It probably wasn't a genius move on my part to have had Spam and eggs for breakfast, only hours before coming down for the Hawkins challenge. It was only through grit and sheer force of will that I made it as far as I did. If Layer 2 tasted like a challenge, Layer 3 tasted like grayness and anguish, as if it had been seasoned with the tears of orphans.
Part way into Layer 3, I began perspiring profusely, experiencing what was affectionately referred to by Eli as "the meat sweats." The room came in and out of focus a few times, the features of the people around me changing à la Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. I had a hard time breathing, which was probably exacerbated by the fact that the corner where I chose to sit had a distinct bouquet of urine. With each successive bite, it became more and more difficult to chew and swallow. I had visions of the spaghetti scene in Se7en, and wondered if Kevin Spacey would be along momentarily to kick me in my distended gut.
By the time I threw in the towel, all that remained of my baby was a nubbin of hot link and a mayonnaisey pickle slice. I was afraid that trying to eat the last bites of the Hawkins Special would be much akin to packing a cannon, and that there might be collateral damage when the explosive results ensued. Temporarily bested, I headed over to Watts Towers to walk it off.
Next time, Hawkins. Next time ...