Aug 3, 2013 · 8:30 PM
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Do you ever pity yourself? Do you ever feel that, perhaps, the universe has not held up its end of the bargain entirely? If you have never ever felt that way, please let the rest of us know how you managed to make that happen. The other 99% of us are going to go to a Pity Party.
Two (2!) activities will take place at this party. One: pity. Jason is losing his job soon. I think we've all been there. So, here's what's going to happen: we're going to burn sh*t. Specifically, we'll have a small fire in a pit in the backyard. Bring something burnable - your ex's diary, your timesheets from the job you hate, a textbook from law school, whatever. You'll have your 15 seconds of fame to tell us what it is, and then - we burn it.
Two! A month ago, somebody stole my scooter. Then I got it back. True story. But, in the meantime, they spray-painted it yellow. Badly. It looks like hell. So, we're going to repaint it. I'll buy some paint, and we're gonna paint it. Angels, snakes, a nuclear fallout symbol, whatever you want.
Also! There will be booze. And snacks. And beautiful weather. And we'll spin some music. So come dance under the stars.