Inquisitive Minds Message Board › Lying, Deception and Relationships

Lying, Deception and Relationships

Anne C.
user 9665090
Medford, MA
Post #: 28
Hey all,

On July 22nd, there was a discussion meetup at Diesel on lying. In the course of the discussion, I was trying to convey a concept about reality and its malleability with regard to relationships.

My sister stumbled across this article that explains what I was trying to convey:


I believe that a positive illusion can be self-fulfilling, and that is what I was trying to express that night.

Any thoughts on this?

user 13245707
Holliston, MA
Post #: 6
Hi Anne,

Interesting you should post that article -- I remember seeing it a while back. It describes my (soon-not-to-be) parents-in-law to a tee, as they look to celebrate 50 years together.

I think I did grasp what you were saying, and don't necessarily disagree with it. I think you were getting some serious slack about it :) Where it was an issue for me is when the little white lies are actually big red herrings meant to throw someone off track because the person lying has something to hide. Or, even worse, when one partner in a relationship lies to him/herself, when it is necessary to deal with reality and tell the truth. I think one of the arguments thrown around is what if the person being lied to never finds out -- well, but how can one count on that. And as someone whose long-term marriage (which I believed in) ended in a traumatic way based on such lying and deceit -- without him ever being honest -- the fact that he lied was far greater a breach than what he did. He continues to lie to himself -- without me.

I do think that in order for a romantic relationship to last a long time, you definitely have to hang onto the hopes/dreams/illusions to some extent that you walk into it with. Same thing with a job. As the mother of two teens, I can say that my kids challenge me more as they start to see me more as a real person, but they retain some beliefs about me that make them able to lean on me in a way they cannot with anyone else.

But real infractions of relationships need to be addressed, and not covered with illusion -- that will just make at least one person nuts :) Just MHO :)
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