Details: What: 85th Academy Awards Party When: Sunday, Feb. 24, 2013; Party starts at Noon, Show Time is 5:00 p.m. Where: Dan Evans' Mansion: 3428 East Derringer Way, Gilbert, AZ 85297 Why: Why not Attire: Dress up and be seen Admission: A smile, a dish of food, and whatever you want to drink. Bring your swimming suits: The hot tub and pool are ready. Don't wait for the movie, come to the party.
Dan Evans and Charley Laman, Executed Producers
The 85th Academy Awards
Your Real lover lawyers.
IN THE INSUCURE COURT OF THE UNITED ARTISTS OF MOVIES
In matter of the of:
85TH ACADEMY AWARDS,
Case No. Scene 2013, Take 85
SUBPOENA DUCES TECUM
GREETINGS: You have been served, and are hereby requested to appear at the 85th Academy Awards Party at the Mansion of Dan Evans in full evening attire with swimming suit in tow (the hot tub and pool awaits your presence), and you are further requested to bring the enumerated items with your person:
WHEREAS, another year of movie making is coming to its climatic and anti-climactic end and prizes must be awarded and losers punished; SO NOW, THEREFORE, IT IS ORDERED THAT you should dawn your best apparel and appear at the following time and date to participate in a gala 85th Annual Academy Awards Party
DATE OF APPEARNANCE: SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2013
TIME OF APPEARANCE: ANYTIME AFTER 12:00 P.M.
SHOW TIME: 5:00 P.M.
DEPARTURE: When the last person leaves
PLACE OF APPEARANCE: DAN EVAN’S Mansion
3428 East Derringer Way
Gilbert, AZ 85297
PHONE [masked] (Dan)
NOW, THEREFORE, you are hereby summoned to appear and bring with you the following enumerated items:
1. A smile,
2. A great party attitude,
3. Your favorite wife, significant other, mistress, paramour, girlfriend, boyfriend, lifemate, all of the above, some of the above, none of the above,
4. Swim suit,
5. Food and beverage of your choice,
6. All of the above,
7. Some of the above
8. One of the above,
and present yourself and your party spirit at or before Show time on February 24, 2013.
YOU ARE FURTHER commanded to enjoy the DAY WITH ALL IN ATTENDANCE. You are further ordered and commanded to appear under penalty of being barred from all movie theatres in the Eastern Hemisphere (Aren’t you glad you live in the Western Hemisphere);
YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED that other movies will commence at Noon on same date at same place;
YOU ARE HEREBY WARNED THAT THE Main viewing Room will have 50 and 63 inch Plasmas and 52 inch antique television upstairs.
YOU ARE FURTHER WARNED THAT watching too many movies in one day may cause you to miss the news and be in a perpetual state of euphoria which will lead you to hug complete strangers as if they were your first Teddy bear.
ORDER issued on this 18th day of February 2013, by the Honorable Oscar
 Last name is redacted to protect the guilty.