Los Angeles, CAUSA
February 27, 2012
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he instead was found in a sparse loincloth with pronounced facial hair and acute halitosis, clutching reams of scrap paper rambling about "words from beyond". - --- - Immediately swept away by a Saudi Prince's security detail looking to curry favor with Mr. Friend's family - he was returned to the loving embrace of their indentured deprogrammer. That was 5-months ago. - --- - Speculation about the triumphant return of the armchair philosopher, industrious cad, and pedantic "man about town" met a bitter-end this morning when the prolific author, artist, Emmy-nominated actor, director and producer, who returned to the public eye this morning after being seen licking creme fraiche off of Kate Upton's tummy while convalescing at Esalen, a promising sign, released the following statement: "I will only write / in Haiku forever more / so suck it, bitches!"
The screenwriter, Robert Towne, whom once famously challenged Mr. Friend to a duel, released the following statement: "I just might be able to take him now."
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Thought lost after suffering from Jerusalem Syndrome and wandering off from the group on a religious tour, Joe Friend was found much worse for wear after several months of search and speculation - gone were his trademark tuxedo, "TCB" cufflinks...