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...d afternoon, you're listening to All Things Considered on WNYC. I'm Robert Segal, filling in for Michelle Singh. Today, we talk about the Orpheus attacks. Now, it's been almost a month since the Orpheus headquarters was assaulted by trained mercenaries with the aid of employees James Bond and Siouxsie Sioux, but what of these other names we keep hearing on the news? Edmund Wiseman, Alice West, and Skip Nielsen--all associated with the living terrorists, but all confirmed dead themselves--what is their role in this? Here to talk to us today on this subject is Alexander Kanagawa, newly minted editor of the New York Post's paranormal section. Alexander, glad you could be here today.
A: Great to be here, Robert
R: Now, you've raised something of a stir on the internet in the past few weeks, and that has indirectly led to you assuming your current position. Care to talk about that controversy?
A:Gladly. Now, look, let's start with facts. The Orpheus Terrorists have been on the run from the law for over a month. Let's start here. Isn't that absurd, Robert? Isn't it absurd that they have escaped justice for so long? How do you think they have pulled this off? It seems to defy logic. Every man, woman, and child in America knows what Sioux and Bond look like. Their faces are posted everywhere. Whole forums on the internet are devoted to them. I ask you, Robert? How could they have escaped? Where are they going to get food? Shelter? I'll tell you how. Ghosts.
R:Ghosts? So you're accepting that ghosts are real?
A: I think at this point any other opinion is ridiculous.
R: And how would ghosts permit these mortal agents to move about unassailed?
A: Ghosts have eerie powers. This is well known among students of the paranormal. Clearly Wiseman or West or Nielsen has aided them in some way.
R: So you argument is that the deceased agents are still working with the living ones?
A: I think this arrangement is obvious. Let's look at a few key pieces of info, here. Alice West died in an industrial accidenttwo years ago. Dead and buried. Dead dead. She has been seen 7 times this year alone at Amalgamated Steel.
R:The manufacturing company-
A:At which she was a labor organizer and activist. She is still with us.
R:On that note, do you have anything to add concerning the recent deaths at Amalgamated?
A:This is what I've been coming too. She's been seen seven times. In the last two sightings, she was seen shortly before a murder. Maurice Santiago was found dead 2 days, crushed under a pile of slag, and three months ago Olga Vasquez was impaled by falling equipment. She did this! It's obvious. The criminal pattern is there. That's why she's aiding the terrorists. She is a malicious, evil spirit out for bloody revenge.
R:But what about the interpreter, Wiseman?
A:Interpreter. Right. Listen, if you dig in, you'll find that our interpreter worked for MI:6. Some interpreter. More like spy. There's a reason he's been working with Bond, I think.
R:Now, you published today an article about Wiseman's family. The Barbers.
A:Yes, a classic haunting if there ever was one. I don't know what happened to Wiseman to make him hate his family, but Frank Barber was almost murdered last week, and Lily Barber was almost killed in a car accident. Perhaps not meaningful, but these events happened in the same two hour span! What next? The son, Daniel? What will Wiseman pull then? Probably electrocute the poor kid while he sleeps. Disgusting.
R: Finally, we come to Nielsen.
A:I don't pretend to know what was going on inside Orpheus, but Skip Nielsen was burned so badly a few years ago that he couldn't even move. He couldn't speak. He was an invalid. Now, why exactly was Orpheus paying an invalid? How exactly did a quadriplegic quote "investigate ghost sightings at Chains nightclub".
R:And he was killed during the attacks as well.
A:As far as we understand. I think it likely that his hatred for the people of the USA has extended into his afterlife. That's why he's working with the others. I don't know what they plan, but it is most likely extremely evil.
R:Ok. Now, before we go, the country is begging to know what became of the agents. Any clues?
A:The FBI reported that a large amount of money was stolen from an ATM in Pennsylvania. Those bills have been tracked by their serial numbers, and have been spent in truckstops and rest areas from Pennsylvania to Michigan. It seems they fled by car. They must be changing vehicles periodically, so add grand theft auto to the rap sheet.
R:Anyone who has seen the terrorists is being encouraged to tell the FBI they have a toll free number and a....bsite.....if you or....autho......
...Free Death...<static>...money is the most important thing....you'll see who did this, who supported this....<static>...Project Flatline members are out there...<static>...if you can find them, ask them...<static>...Clara Zuckerman...<static>...still alive, has lots of info...<static>...they're trying...<static>...kill...<static>...kill you too...<static>...