Costa Mesa, CAUSA
November 28, 2016
A former member until I moved out of state. Now back in Cali
Because a poly experience is a lifestyle rather than an event, getting together in a social setting or private setting suits me just fine
What poly is not: Poly is not a free-for-all where selfishness and "what's in it for me" attitude prevails. The greatest gift a person can give himself/herself is the revelation of who he/she truly is. If we could each be compassionate in understanding ourselves and then extend the space to others for them to do the same, then we would realize there was never anything to be embarassed about in embracing a lifestyle that society deems unacceptable. But still the most important thing to remember when choosing to express our individuality is the safety and goodwill toward others. The intention of goodness needs to always be at the forefront of all actions we take
A long time poly practitioner, I established a poly community in Hilo Hawaii while living there
No introduction yet
MJ6AZ9: For those in or visiting America's Southern California's Orange County, we are your community group catering to all levels of & interest in polyamory, from ol' timers to those just curious about the community or if it might be for them. If you're in or around OC and one of the increasing many actively living the poly lifestyle, or just experimenting with it, or want to meet other locals into it (maybe even to find some romance!), or just curious to know what it's all about, definitely join us! And we welcome couples, singles, triples, quads, & more!
MJ6CZS: Checking out & doing polyamory takes probably the most courage of any leading romance form, especially because it's new and it's all about NOT hiding the romances & multiplicity, even from your kids. So give yourself a pat on the back!
MJ7NN8: As an example of one of our leaders is our our Event Host Dr. Corynna Clark: "I'm a Tantra teacher, .. I'm consciously poly & practice bringing awareness to all my relations ..relating.. on the highest level that evokes our divinity.".
MJ6D5O: 2013.03.04- Membership requires approval, including:
MJ6D76: We actively limit who can get in ( membership & attendance) to balance the male-female ratio at events:
MJ6DQS: we only admit a sex (males or females) when it won't cause our events to have an excess of that sex at our events.
MJ6DU5: This has only ever had to apply to males. Because of the high # of males applying, currently only ~1 of 5 males gets admitted our group. So, males, make sure your application is outstanding.
MJD8EG: Be accurate/honest & complete. Including
MJD8WF: it's much faster & easier for everyone for you to do it right rather than do it over. Including apps that don't get it right the first time get 2nd priority as for those then we must stop & explain what all to fix and review again before we approve.
MJD8GX: Allow time for processing your application; we're unpaid volunteers, so we review new & fixed applications ~1x/month.
MJD9BA: We don't yet require but much prefer 1 profile/user per person (as >95% of people do already), rather than a profile which represents multiple people, however:
MJD9GG: In your profile answers, per the rules of poly (of one's romances open-with (so no secret-to) & consenting-of each another), to celebrate all your romances plus to show all your romances, both actual and potential (so including people recommending you to to at least some degree, so including our group) to show all them fairly-verifiably that you are NOT one of those with hidden-else-unreachable-romances here to cheat, tell all your current romances (and keep this list up-to-date), and ideally share any related associates too (as who referred you), by giving for each his/her profile URL (else username plus URL(s) of the groups they're in so that profile can be found) plus telling what additional romances your relationship allows.
MJ6CBR: Per polyamory custom, by default, at our events:
MJD58H: we allow children,
MJD59B: a few times a year we offer clothing-optional if pre-announced,
MJD5EP: but we don't allow sex at our events.
MJ6CMJ: Absolutely not allowed is a member romantically-cheating on anyone, including on non-members (as cheating on any outside romances), at least not via our members; and so nobody gets hurt from our existence, we do police this; for, per the core definition of polyamory, if one have multiple simultaneous romances, everyone involved must know & consent.
MJ6AQD: Especially with polyamory's notable growth since the 2012 Showtime series, there are other "Polyamory" Meetup groups in Orange County but:
MJ6B74L: We are the largest.
MJ6B7D: We are effectively the oldest (there is one other which is a few months older they are mostly inactive)
MJ6BDB: We know our stuff
MJKKOJ: who in 2004 founded one of the 1st polyamory groups Meetup ever had
MJKKPB: who's been publishing & promoting polyamory ever since ~1997 when, despite my being born romantic jealous, I independently invented polyamory (except for compersion) as something which "just makes good sense" --then later someone told me "Hey, what what you've come up with & doing called "polyamory"!".
MJKJ8O: Consequently most references linked here in this our group description, including "polyamory" itself, are to his publications on the topic.
MJCQWO: As well as overseeing & managing the group & website and recruiting leaders, the notable events he currently hosts are the main routine general meetups (mostly fun discussion) as 2013.02's plus group watch&discuss of related movies as for Showtime's Polyamory, plus relistings of notable related events as Brentwood Poly Family's Huge Poly Pool Party #9 and the US-wide annual Poly Living Conference as 2013.
MJCOOF: He is out of the area except for ~2 weeks of the year when he hosts polyamory events here..
MJCOJZ: His role is just (1) an Event Host (specifically just to run any related events he creates) plus (2) pay our Meetup hosting fees per his gracious historic offer & custom to do so (a paying Meetup subscriber is entitled, for his/her payment, to head, so pay the hosting fee for, a maximum of 3 groups, so Meetup listing him as the Head Organizer instead of an Event Host is only so he can pay our hosting fee).
MJ6BQI: And we generally have 1 or more additional credentialed leaders as "MJ7NN8: Dr. Coryanna Clark" above.
MJCRJU: And we're always needing more leaders & events! So please volunteer or nominate someone --by commenting on event listing or doing "Suggest a Meetup".
MQFG87: Report & cast-out sexual cheaters! As plagues every poly group (but few well-protect from it), every meeting & month, 1 or more people (usually men, but occasionally women, too) try to use (abuse) our groups&members for their romantic cheating: these sexual predators seek out additional romances here (and at other romance & especially poly groups) when they actually and typically-secretively have other romances (typically a wife or husband, or other girlfriend(s) or boyfriend(s): typically an unmentioned (but often quite significant) person in his/her life or person who is "ok with it" BUT never "happens" to show) who don'tallow the predator additional romances (likely wouldn't allow it for a second!), so rather than renegotiate the predators lies and says or suggests they would allow him/her, or just hides his/her other romances; and while these predators plague dating sites&groups of all sorts in order to pray on members to get more cheating, they especially target & hurt poly groups&members almost certainly because predators figure the polyamorist or poly-curious is an easy target: if the poly member/group finds out about their other romances, the predator predicts (too-often accurately) the member/group will mis-think the predator's other romances have "of course" given predator permission to have additional romances (when anything is further than from the truth!), or at least will be be open to sharing the cheater (the cheater predator wanting to selfishly have & dominate all) --but don't tolerate for a moment anyone being sexually prayed upon: Following the rules of poly (which don't allow one's other romance(s) hidden from one another including before a new romance begins), we check everyone as best we can to insure our members & attendees are free from romantic cheaters, including verifying on each person's profile group application, which (per Meetup) is also his/her continual profile. But the biggest difference can be made only by you: Report & cast-out sexual cheaters! --Don't tolerate anyone being sexually prayed upon. Result: as cheater & cheating free as poly is supposed to be; and, if you hear of someone leaving/quitting us in a disgruntled huff, if past is any predictor of future, it's likely because they then realized we're serious and with us the hurt they're doing cheating (or attempting to) is going to get or has gotten exposed.
MJ6BVG: From Destiny's efforts, we're followers of the universal community group rules (see point MDMSQY below) so we make sure everyone is cared for, treated fairly, and no one disrespects anyone. Including having & following top rules:
MJCXHY: we don't allow anyone to act negative against anyone, nor against our group, without appropriate "due-process" -see core rule MJ9IGT below.
MJCXII:We pioneered profile Q MGCRel, plus member-enforcement per profile accuracy MJCSEK below, especially to allow people wanting to check out us & polyamory but NOT yet allowed to have additional romances to still be a member of our group (yes, even though our group notably facilitates finding new people to romance with) while still preventing them, and every member, from exploiting our members & group to find people to romantically cheat with --a problem for any dating site/group but a notable problem for groups-with-integrity catering to open relationships as especially then both (1) newcomers reasonably first need to investigate this new romance form but (2) other members are then already open to a person having additional romances so then easily mis-assume a member's other romances grant similar permission.
MJCYG1:Whereas for our "competitors":
MJDBG: many polyamory groups have rules which say, & say often loudly, "This is not a pick-up or dating site. This is not a place for posting detailed personal ads or solicitations.", and even though this is also likely denying of what very typically but now covertly still happens nonetheless; whereas we realistically & healthily actively encourage finding & building romance, and can do so with integrity by also developing & enforcing top rules to spot & rid the bad parts.
MJ6BVY: Rather confusingly, one of the "alternative" groups is almost identically named Orange County Polyamory but is not the same; I give you here the URL as I recommend you NOT bother joining as no benefit to you, as note both groups are headed by the same person but that group is mostly inactive (indeed note it's description says it's "an experiment.") and it lists just ~1 event/year and that event is already also listed here anyway, and latest plans are the members of that group will be rolled into this one and that one closed.
MJ6BVR: Another of the other "polyamory" groups in OC on first look comes off as very active & sexy BUT at heavy price, including join it expecting to be maybe approved and then quickly & suddenly thrown out (what happens to most people who've tried it), as it's actually brand new to the scene (both the group & to the concept of polyamory) and not-surprisingly formed heavily by former & possibly-present swingers (so from typically overt & rampant casual sex & pure-physical) and, worst of all, hasproven itself to cavalierly & often wrongly throw out ~1/3rd to ~2/3rds of its just-accepted members, including goodfolks including even established polyamory leaders,while ironically keeping & facilitating troublemakers including malevolent gossipers plus those known to use poly groups group & their members to cheat on their spouse and families, starting by their leaders not actually checking the facts despite their claiming to carefully check out each member. With the by-far highest turnover of any Meetup group I've ever seen, they so routinely & without-warning throw out so many members (as in 2013.02 their membership suddenly dropping from ~95 to ~60 in 2012Q4 and then dropping from ~60 to 37 in 2013.02) that it occurs to me & others who've witnessed it that maybe they only just keep members whom their leaders actually might want to sleep with!
MJD13P: Where you can make a big difference! Unlike the huge polyamory groups in neighboring Los Angeles County, polyamory in Orange County is just starting to have solid roots, seemingly due to Los Angeles typically having ~4x larger Meetup groups than OC plus polyamory still being quite liberal and OC being Behind the Orange Curtain: notably conservative (at least on-paper/in-public) including still a red (Republican) county within a notably blue (Democratic) state, though becoming bluer.
MDMSQY: Moreover, like a Better Business Bureau member... Our group is a proud follower & endorser of Universal Rules & Guidelines for Meetup.com L2PG1L! –a free eBook which includes:
MJ78ND: Want more folks attending, plus great events totally suiting you? Then MAKE IT HAPPEN! -click here! including:
MJ9IGT: Core rule for everyone: Follow "Due-process" procedures for every possibly negative act (including quitting, deleting, removing, blocking, banning --even on your own stuff if that could affect others) to insure fairness, construction rather than destruction, and minimize losses & negatives -especially on Meetup where, like a gun placed in hands where it often doesn't belong, Meetup presently enables any member to typically do notable harm to accomplishments, reputation, & esteem --via typically freely offering users the ability to do these negative acts in couple of mouse clicks and without any safety mechanisms to prevent them (as requiring warnings, following published declared rules, authorization, delay periods, and explanation); so here's the missing procedures for everyone to follow before pulling any trigger.
LTDSHF: a great intro to Meetup. New to Meetup.com? Welcome to Meetup, too! – the most-powerful major website to find & host in-person groups. If you want, simply use your Facebook to login. Meetup provides you 92,000 in-person local groups: all topics, worldwide, & mostly for free.
MJCNH9: Additional rules:
MJCSEK: Be complete and especially accurate/honest.
MJCS5C: This is very-important with us, as the romance world is full of cheating & deception, including profiles on dating sites are very misleading, indeed often the most, but polyamory notably aims to be open & without secrets.
MJCRRE: Group profiles need to be complete & especially accurate, so they do not mislead and can be depended on so one knows who one is dealing with.
MJCXD1: Most notably, so answer profile question
MJCSBS: Report misleads as described under "MJCNGD: Do General problem handling MJProb.".
MJCNGD: Do General problem handling MJProb.
LG4OWH: What are these codes as “LG4OWH:” on this point? They’re short IDs to date-stamp, uniquely-reference, & portably-track most any point or item.
MJKGS8: Section History, in order:
MJJLHT: I Destiny did all authoring here unless noted here.
MJKGWD: Group "Founded Nov 11, 2010" and Kundan reports he did it, therefore inital authoring would be by him.
MJKH6J: "April 14, 2012" I joined the group so started to archive this page & others.
MJKH9B: "Posted Sep 27, 2012 12:24 AM"I created above thread (on this section/description (now as well) plus our URL, name, & other basics)
MJKHOC: "Posted Nov 17, 2012 3:27 AM" I created original thread on (this) the official description and started improving it a little; that link details edits.
MJKI0Q: added this "MJKGS8: Section History" plus minor formatting fixes; pst2013.03.12Tue1500.
MJKNGE: to "MJ6CMJ: Absolutely not allowed is a member romantically-cheating on anyone, .., at least not via our members", fixed bolding on italics,+added the portion underlined realize regulating beyond this is unrealistic & arguably invasive; pst2013.03.12Tue1651.
MQFEOU: MJ6D5O: fully update, starting 1st with approving apps not 1/wk but 1x/month; MQFG87: added, to MQFG87; pst2013.07.24Wed1030.