North Texas Objectivist Society (NTOS) Message Board › Discovery of Heaviest Element Known to Science

Discovery of Heaviest Element Known to Science

Old Toad
OldToad
Group Organizer
Dallas, TX
Post #: 199
A friend sent me this announcement:

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium." Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, whichare surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -an element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Santiago Valenzue...
sanjavalen
Dallas, TX
Post #: 75
Scientists have released the secret of the source of Administratium; Administratium is refined from a repulsive amorphous material similar to a thick petroleum tar but much more viscous and sticky. This substance is known as Bureaucratite.

Bureaucratite should be avidly avoided as it almost completely freezes progress. Anything unfortunate enough to venture into a deposit of Bureaucratite is instantly trapped and becomes entirely coated with the bituminous mess, although it may take weeks or months to sink out of sight into a deposit. Many creatures, long extinct, have been discovered within such quagmires but better preserved than those found in ice or tar pits.

Extraction from a deposit, should one be so lucky, is always excrutiatingly long and painful and rarely completely successful. Many unfortunates are haunted by innocuous bits of the stuff which always turn up in the most unexpected places and inconvenient times. People unlucky enough to have been exposed to bureaucratite have exhibited dangerously raised blood pressures, heart rates and bodily temperatures along with extremes of emotion.
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