WOMEN CONNECT - collaborative growth and positive change Message Board › Easy decision making - less stress
Dear inspiring Ladies,
Today I thought to send you some thoughts of mine about decisions. I found difficult sometimes to make decisions and that was an additional stress for me at that point.
Our entire lives are based on decisions.
Everything is a choice: what type of food to cook, what movie to watch, what to wear, what type of friends to choose, to stay in a unsatisfactory relationship or to take the risk to seek for another one, to quit the current job and to start doing the things that we really love, to go in a trip or to save money, etc.
We make decisions in all the aspects of our lives: in corporations, in small businesses, in government agencies, schools, in personal life.
How many times did you find yourself in a middle of a crossroads? What did you do? What was the first step that you’ve made? did you look at the way you’re making decisions? What did you learn from the process?
My way to clarity
I want to learn more about how to make better decisions, because I discovered that my poor decisions cost myself and also people around me.
So, what is a better decision? A better decision is the one which makes me feel good about the way I make it and that gets BETTER RESULTS.
So, what is the first step? STOP proceeding with a poor decision! Only creating this void you can fill it with a better decision. Having the courage to let go what is familiar or comfortable is not always so easy for me.
Before making a decisions we have to ask ourselves two questions:
- head questions
- heart questions
The better our decision-making system is, the easier it is to get better results.
The system is based on “yes” or “no” answers. This system will become the map you can use in the future.
I found that the more I use heart questions, the more satisfied I am about the process and decisions I make. We all use the practical ways to get to the core of the situation or problem we need to make a decision: balance sheet, pros and cons, advices, etc.
PRACTICAL PART OF DECISION MAKING PROCESS
Am I meeting the real need, informing myself of options and thinking it through?
A. What is my real need?
If you answer “no” to the first part of the question, it means that you don’t know what you really need. So, a want is a wish and a need is a necessity. How many times did you find that you wanted something and after achieving it, wasn’t fulfilling? A need is basic, nurturing, is what a situation requires. A want is an attractive distraction which keeps us away from what we really need. Yes, truly successful people pursue first what they need.
When I pursue only the real need, the decision making process is more effective, I am more decisive and I make better decision sooner. We want a lot but we need little.
B. Informing myself
CREATE THE VISION you need to see easier the results already achieved!
Only focusing on what we really need, makes easier to start doing the first steps. Chunk the goals till it will be easy to take action! Needs are essential for success and fulfilment.
Use the secret questions!
But, how do I see what I want? I ask myself “What do I want to do now?”
To see what I really need, I ask myself “What I like to have done?”
The more information you gather, the more aware you become of the options. Research, studies, advices, experiences, etc. anything related with the situation it will be useful. But, don’t forget to VERIFY the information you gather from external resources!
Of course, I choose the option which meets the real need.
C. Process awareness
Yes, my past decisions are my best mentors. They can teach me more than another person can do, to avoid illusion and see reality. But, it is very important not to be too hard with yourself. Try to believe that, you have done your best.
D. MEASURE you results!
To see how good my results are, I measure them against my real needs. If I act on my decision what would happen? then what?…then what?….What would I do in the worst case? Or in the best case? How clearly do I foresee the most likely results? for me? for others?
Words DO NOT teach, only experiences!!
But HOW DO YOU REALLY LEARN FROM PAST EXPERIENCES? HOW DO YOU ANALYZE A PARTICULAR EXPERIENCE?
Even though I am obsessed with reading and I invest a lot in my own development and growth, I realized that my past decisions are my own best mentors. Looking at them realistically can teach me more than any person to avoid illusion and see the reality.
As I look at my results, I learnt to treat not too hard on myself. I lighten up, because I DID THE BEST I KNEW HOW at that moment.
NOW, I get better results because I focus on meeting the real need, informing myself of options and thinking things through to a better result.
To see how good my results are, I measure them against my meeting the real need.
To find out your real need, ALWAYS START WITH WHY!
QUESTIONS: WHY do I want to make a decision now? WHY do I want this goal to happen? What would the results have to be to fill the real need? If I act on my decision, what would probably happen? Then what?…Then what?….
What do I fear would be the worst result? What would the best result be?
What would I do in the worst/best case?
How clearly do I foresee the most likely results? For me? For others?
NOTE: Our decisions reveal our beliefs
VALUES – BELIEFS- GOALS – ATTITUDES – ACTIONS
How to analyze an experience:
There are 3 types of attributions we give to our past experiences:
LOCUS – the cause of belief is internal or external of the person
STABILITY – the cause is something which happens sporadically or with regularity
CONTROLLED – the cause is under the control of the person or is due to external uncontrolled forces.
But how to get to better decisions?
First of all, be honest with yourself! To discover the truth, look for the fiction you want to believe is true but cannot really count on.
The truth is that we see each other’s mistakes more easily, so I often park my ego and ask others what they can see and then I notice what really feels true to me.
So, use HEART Questions: Have I looked closely enough at my past decisions to learn from them? Have I done a reality check by observing what is really going on around me and within me? Have I noticed the obvious? Do I see the truth? Am I telling myself the Truth?
USE YOUR INTUITION!
How you feel about HOW you make a decision often forecasts your results.
QUESTIONS: Do I feel stressed or peaceful? Clear of confused? Drained or energized? fearful or enthusiastic? What would I decide if I were not afraid? Does this decision really feel right to me? Am I trusting my intuition?
CONCLUSION: What your mind can’t tell you, your body reveals
Whenever you have to make a decision, after checking the pros and cons always ask your heart how it feel about the decisions just made. Check how you feel, how is your body feeling.
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Thank you for reading,
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