February 22, 2014
I grew up 100% enveloped in the brainwashing practices of the LDS church. All of my family and best friends are intensely devoted Mormons and I even attended BYU-I for 2 years. My whole life revolved around the church; my identity, my view of the world around me, my perspective on family, my hopes for the future, my understanding of the point to living and loving, my motivation to progress, my reasoning for having good values. The list goes on and on. About 2 years ago when I abruptly and miraculously woke up from the brainwashing, I was beyond devastated. Everything I've ever known has been shattered. I became broken and fragile and fell into my first severe depression episode. My self confidence became a zero because I felt I no longer had an identity or purpose. I wanted to die but I was too afraid to because I no longer had any idea where I would go. I feel tortured, groundless and absolutely terrified every moment of every day. I don't know how to move on.
Support and understanding of the feelings of despair I am having, as well as reassurance in that I may be able to find happiness and peace in my life again.
Since realizing the LDS faith is complete bullshit my number one goal in life has become to know and understand myself as thoroughly as possible, and with that find inner peace and hopefully happiness.