Relationship Diversities -- and how we handle them

  • March 6, 2013 · 7:00 PM
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Relationship Diversities -- and how we handle them

Some of the diversities we will consider include Interracial, Intergenerational, Seriodiffering, International and Economically Disparate relationships.

Relationship Leader: Carlos Mangas

Icebreaker Leader: Ed Porter

When you think about men, what gets your attention? What makes your head turn? Is it a young fellow with a body drawn from a Michelangelo’s painting? Or, is it that deep look behind the square rim glasses reflecting ancient wisdom? Is it a mind archiving a vocabulary comparable to a Merriam-Webster’s dictionary? How does money enter into this equation of attraction and stability?
Intelligence, beauty, and money are interesting attributes in and of themselves, but our question in this session is not just about these attributes on a standalone basis; today we focus in comparisons. We focus in heterogeneity versus homogeneity. How do we compare to the people we date or with whom we are in a relationship? Are we as handsome as them? Do we share their values? Do they share our ethnicity? Are they as rich or poor as we?
Empirical research in the social sciences supports the claim that attributes such as physique, attractiveness, age, race, income, education, religion matter on the matching process in straight relationships. These differences also affect the stability, the permanence of these relationships. Unfortunately, our knowledge of how these differences play into gay relationships is significantly more limited, and that is why we consider this a theme worthy of discussion.

Optional- As part of this salon, we are conducting a survey examining these differences.  If you're so inclined, please take the survey at the following link- http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ML6JMZY

We'll discuss the results at the salon.  We are not keeping track of the identities of the individual survey takers and individual responses will be kept confidential.

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  • Joy J.

    I found the analysis of dating website data, especially data from straight couples, to be a waste of time, in trying to gain insight in the relationship behaviors of gay men. The discussion evolved into a discussion of dating, rather than of relationships and the diversity of relationships in the gay world. Sadly, there was only a brief discussion of open vs monogamous relationships, and the the conflict that arises when both partners have differing expectations of exclusivity in the relationship. This would have been a worthwhile discussion. Perhaps this would be a worthwhile topic for future discussion.

    March 7, 2013

    • JOhn

      I was a bit bored with the straight data as well. I thought this would be a thought-provoking group/discussion, but was underwhelmed with the how it was led/presented. There was no greeter to say hello and welcome newcomers to the group, no sense of community, just a bunch of random gay men sitting in a room with some staying on topic, some drifting off onto other topics, and some being very quiet. Going around the group and saying why you're there does not an ice breaker make. As a first timer, I'm not sure I would go back for another round.

      March 8, 2013

    • Richard S.

      Hi John- just an fyi- we usually have a more organized ice-breaker at the beginning of the salon but the person who was in charge of it wasn't able to make it to the salon at the last moment so we decided to leave it up to the small groups to do their own intros; the idea of having a greeter is a terrific idea; I will try to get this implemented for future salons; thanks for your feedback; we do hope you give us another chance and come back- Richard

      March 17, 2013

  • Lee R.

    A lovely evening of thoughtful, open discussion with an amazing diversity of people.

    March 8, 2013

  • David K.

    I have no interest in gay-specific discussions. I'm into mind-stretching, more like the TED talks, Commonwealth Club, and City Arts & Lectures kinds of things.

    March 5, 2013

    • David K.

      Joel: I've been to several of these discussions involving gay themes. I want much more intellectual stimulation. I'm inclined to want to revive the Gay Geeks group I used to run back in the late 90s...

      March 8, 2013

    • Lee R.

      Hi David, I'm concerned about non-gay related issues also but most in our Salon wants to connect them to the gay community. Seems a good idea to revive the group you mentioned;more conversation seems good. And perhaps, under the same perspective, not limit it just to gays.

      March 8, 2013

  • Adam J. B.

    Thanks everyone for the thought provoking conversation. Our group devoted the majority of our time to discussing diversities during the mate searching phase (online & in person) and during initial courtship phase (first few dates). We kept coming back to the point that the traits we think we want are often not what makes the first few dates magical.

    March 7, 2013

    • Jeremy B.

      Thanks for that excellent summary Adam.

      1 · March 7, 2013

  • Tony L.

    Adam, I've been looking forward to this for weeks! Unfortunately, I was placed on call this week for 24/7 rotation. ;-(

    March 6, 2013

    • Adam J. B.

      That's too bad, you missed a good discussion. Hopefully next time will work out for you.

      March 7, 2013

  • David

    Interesting subject matter. Our intergenerational group included members black, white, asian, latino and jewish; a mix offering unique perspective.

    1 · March 7, 2013

  • Sylvester

    The meetup was great! As usual, it left me thinking about my own views. It was quite interesting to see everybody's perspective on diversity. I think topics like this should be discussed especially within the gay community.

    1 · March 6, 2013

  • Wonsun

    I'm coming down with a cold. Sorry that I'm going to miss this one. See you in the next meetup.

    March 6, 2013

  • John D.

    Work. Bah!

    March 6, 2013

  • Bill

    Unfortunately I am unable to, I really was looking forward to this

    March 6, 2013

  • Joy J.

    Might be a little late due to commute from work but will be there.

    March 5, 2013

  • Johnny D.

    unfortunately, I have just found out that I will have to work on wed night

    March 5, 2013

  • Brian P

    I am looking forward to meeting the group. This will be my first Meet Up event.

    March 4, 2013

  • Larry S.

    Just joined the group. Looking forward to the discussions.

    March 4, 2013

  • Kevin H. T.

    Looking forward to joining you

    March 2, 2013

  • Steven

    The question in the survey about age difference is confusing. Are you asking if he was / is 10 - 15 years older than me, or if I am / was 10 - 15 years older than him? You might consider adding a pronoun to each statement to clarify, or just changing it to "10 - 15 year age difference" and excluding the 'younger / older' marker.

    February 22, 2013

    • Carlos

      Hi Steven,

      February 23, 2013

    • Carlos

      You should add to every choice the words "than me" at the end. For example, the first one should ready "20 years older or more than me" Hopefully this is useful... Have a good day, Carlos

      February 23, 2013

  • Johnny D.

    I just want to be sure - this was originally called
    Longevity: virtues difficulties and how to manage these - on wed, march 27 ????

    February 20, 2013

    • Richard S.

      We moved around the dates on the salons. Longevity is now on Wed 4/3/13.

      February 20, 2013

    • Johnny D.

      thanks

      February 20, 2013

  • Adam J. B.

    Interesting survey, can't wait to see the results at the Meetup!

    February 20, 2013

  • Richard

    Sorry, My Wednesday evenings are otherwise committed for the foreseeable future. I will miss this salon during that time.

    February 20, 2013

  • A former member
    A former member

    Lookinf forward to it!

    February 17, 2013

  • Devon R.

    Another great night to look forward to. YEAH!

    January 25, 2013

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Bill

I started the group because there wasn't any other type of group like this. I've met some great folks in the group who have become close friends and have also met some amazing business owners.

Bill, started New York City Gay Craft Beer Lovers

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