The Southern California Polyamory Meetup Group Message Board The Southern California Polyamory Meetup Group Discussion Forum › Question regarding telling people, need a little advice

Question regarding telling people, need a little advice

Northridge, CA
Post #: 106
I recently signed up with a dating site, more out of curiosity than anything, and I've run into a slight problem.

At first, I had the fact that I was poly clearly marked in my profile to avoid any confusion. I got some fairly negative responses about it; people I contacted would message me back with pretty adamantly anti-poly statements and a couple were downright hostile.

I took it off the profile temporarily and I'm trying to decide what to do in the longer term. Part of me wants to say damn the reactions and put it back but I'm leaning more towards not putting it back and just telling people I actually talk with but that feels a little underhanded.

I'd really appreciate some input, I really dont want to be deceptive and I dont feel terribly good about the "oh by the way..." tack.

Thanks in advance.
user 9380902
Burbank, CA
Post #: 5

First of all, sorry you've had to put up with people's negativity. People always fear that which they do not understand.
Secondly, there's no reason for you to have to change or make excuses for who you are or how you choose to live your life.

In my opinion, to be clear, anyone who tries to change you isn't worth being with. You would only end up miserable. If they can't accept you from the beginning, they don't deserve you anyway. Don't settle.
A former member
Post #: 1
I address the issue straightforwardly in my OkCupid profile (I link to my partner's profile and explain that exclusivity is not an interest) and haven't received any negative responses at all, though I'm fairly careful about whom I message. I wouldn't feel comfortable waiting to bring it up.

I'm sure talking about polyamory on my profile narrows the universe of people who are willing to respond to a message from me, but I don't think having coffee with me is going to be enough to convince somebody to abandon their expectations of monogamy -- I think it's easier for everyone if I only hear back from people for whom my partner isn't a dealbreaker.
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