Metro-Austin Polyamory-Positive Relationships Group Message Board › Polyamorous but not sure what to do about it-please help
|A former member||
I am and have always been polyamorous but have not been in a poly relationship for many years and I am really feeling like something major is missing from my life. I am a bisexual female and have been in a monogamous relationship with a lesbian for the last sixteen years. She's very jealous and possessive when she even thinks someone else finds me attractive-especially men. I know this sounds pathetic but I care for her and we are basically very comfortable. We have a nice home and are doing okay financially and my family accepts her and vice versa. We also get along very well-but it's more like roomates that just happen to share a bed.
I was fairly content to live a monogamous yet sexless life until I met a straight man at work that I am very attracted to. He is polyamorous (living with a bisexual girlfriend of 12 years) and we seem to have a lot in common. We really hit it off when we talk. I'm not sure if it will ever lead to anything-even if I leave my current monogamous relationship but I find I am not as concerned about that as I am about this man's friendship-the fact that he gets me and how I feel about relationships among other interests we share in common. I want this man for a very close friend even if it never comes to anything else but that's not even a possibility in my current situation. She is just too jealous and tempermental. His girlfriend, on the other hand, seems fine with our relationship.
I now find myself questioning if I can spend another sixteen years or more not only not haveing sex with her-well, maybe once in awhile- but also not being in an intimate relationship with a man. I never fully realized how much I missed haveing a man in my life until this last year and it's really got me thinking that maybe I need to find partners-male and female that share my values rather than being in an isolated relationship with one person.
As I said, we are comfortable with each other and have a comfortable life. I am 42 and she is 47. I look youger and she looks and acts much older. She also has a 25 year old son and does not want anymore children. I am not sure but I might want to be part of a polyamrous family and have a child (tick, tick, tick goes my biological clock). The man at work-39 feels like this too-his girlfriend is ambivalent at this point. We are not sure if anything will happen between us-neither one of us wants to sneak around and have an affair- and are taking it slow- we are both just enjoying talking to each other and hanging out at work-and whenever we can outside of work but I almost feel like that's cheating on my partner.
Does anyone out there have a similar story or some advice?