The West Suburban Divorce Support Group Message Board › Court on the 8th - Looking for input

Court on the 8th - Looking for input

user 14542538
Yorkville, IL
Post #: 14

I am also in divorce in Kendall county. Who is the judge in your case? Melissa Barnhardt is no longer a judge someone new has come in and taken her place. In status hearings nothing usually happens. A motion does have to be filed first. In my experience not much has transpired with my motions. I have been at this 3 years. I am suppose to have trial on the 10th but filed a motion on friday to be heard on the 9th because my ex has failed to disclose his financials at the depositon or since. That was Dec 19th.

Do everything you can to encourage visitation with their Dad. My youngest was 17 1/2 at the time of being granted residential custody and she did not want to see her Dad. I still get harrassed by him legally and emotionally that I am the one cauing this. I told my daughter that I strongly encourage her to see her Dad but it is up to her. If you feel they are in danger by someone than an order of protection should be filed.
A former member
Post #: 166

When did Melissa get replaced? I think that is who I had as well but not sure. I actually have never been in the courtroom. When I am there I have my two youngest and sit in an office so as to not expose the kids to any of the drama. My lawyer and I usually speak privately in the hall too. I hate bringing them but I have no other recourse.

I do encourage but I do not force. I ask but do not push, especially with my eldest. I did have the boys in therapy for awhile last summer, my choice, and am looking at starting them up again. With the eldest away I think that is enough, but I'm sensing that my littler two may need a resource center.

Thanks for the input and information.

Bill W.
user 13559176
Darien, IL
Post #: 7
Beth ask a sherif if the court house has a safe heaven This is a free place you can check your kids in to for free child care while you are in court. They have this in dupage and I used it allot there are books, games and real nice people there to take care of your kids you all get wrist band so they know who belongs to who and you get a pager if they need you my kids alway got to pick a stuffed animal to take home your kids are safe and they never see a court room its free use it if they have it Bill
user 17912011
Bartlett, IL
Post #: 10

Child visitation is extremely difficult to deal with. My ex while going through the divorce process and immediately afterwards only wanted to force his gf on them. I had to let go of what I could not control and that was visitation. My kids have gone from wanting to see their father to not wanting to see him, and back and forth.

I explained to them that I could not change visitation and that they had to go. They did whether they wanted to or not. Sometimes they came home just fine but many times they came home confused by the way their dad behaved towards them and that they do not like being around his new wife (gf that contributed to the brakeup of the marriage).

As I have been supported by other members of this group, I was told to hang in there and eventually the kids will see things for themselves. Well they have. They see their father has having 2 personalities, one the angry and rantful father when he is alone with them and the "good daddy" show he puts on in front of others. My oldest son is almost 17 and I have been giving him the decision to make on visitation, figuring that he is closer to 18. This is important to note cause the courts will look at a childs age and as they get closer to 18 they do not want to deal with visitation issues. My youngest son has pretty much goes if he older brother goes, but he knows that his father will probably not ask for visitatin once my oldest turns 18.

I agree with the previous posts-take the high road always, do not bash your ex to the kids....they will see things for what they are later in life, be there for them to provide structure, support, and love, and let them know that in life there are choices to make and it is up to each of us alone to deal with the consequences. Use examples in every day life and they will eventually realize that their dad made choces and their his consequences to own up to and not theirs.

I took the high road on many things but my ex does not want to co-parent and now I am done with even trying too. My kids are pretty mature in their thinking and we do a lot of talking, but when they do see their father I do not ask them any specific questions when they come home. They will eventually come talk to me on their own readiness and then we discuss the situation and what best ways to handle things. And to let them know as long as they are comfortable with the possible consequences of their decisions that I will back them up with their choices.

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