The West Suburban Divorce Support Group Message Board › Teen visitation

Teen visitation

user 26611752
Oak Park, IL
Post #: 17
As I said on the main page, I lost my temper in front of my teens and their father. What I didn't say is why. My 14 year old was sound asleep on the couch, a deep sleep and had been for at least an hour after school and felt really under the weather. (Later that night she actually vomited a little.) Her father was out front at 6 to take all 3 to his place to give them dinner and watch tv. It is important for you to understand that the girls do not have a bedroom there. They open up a sleeper sofa. He does not allow them in his/gf's room at any time. The place is small and the couch and tv is where they always eat dinner. she clearly did not want to go and needed to just sleep. I called him and said she mumbled to let her sleep but I couldn't truly wake her and he said put her on the phone and she wouldn't wake up and I couldn't get her to do it. He then went on a rant about how I indulge them and don't treat his nights as important, etc. and it was my duty to get her outside. I even told my daughter and X I had a training that night and couldn't be home to pamper her but she just said "want to sleep". He then threatened to NOT drive her to places other than his house (helping me with rides to classes etc)Well, that is when I LOST it. I hate to admit it but at that point I pulled her up and forced her to the front door and threw her backpack out on the steps and shouted for him to come get her. She started to cry and he called me many names saying I should have had her talk to him (she wouldn't or couldn't) and twisted it into why did I abuse his poor sick daughter? Needless to say it went from bad to worse. He told her to stay home (after all the unnecessary drama and heart ache). Her sisters were mad at me for pulling her (believe me, I hate myself for having done it) My x refuses to drive her to an appt when he was not even working and I had to hire help just to be able to drive her somewhere. My oldest, with the asbergers, spent the evening with her father and listened to him for 4 hours, and because she can only see things in black and white and no grey came home angry with me for "ruining their evening". This is my dilemma. Even after all this I emailed X and said I CANNOT be put in the middle like this and force a daughter to go (and mind you- I think she has only missed a few visits in the entire last year!)he said it was my job as primary to get her out the door and go. I told them both I will not ever touch her again and if she won't talk or won't go it is out of my hands. If he refuses to help drive she and I will just have to deal with it. Do you think she sees threats as something a loving dad should do? If his complaint is that he doesn't see her ENOUGH then why is he saying he will cut off extra time with her- (during car rides are when I have some of the only and or best conversations with my kids!) She slept for several hours and when she woke and I came home we talked it out and although she doesn't like what I did we are now square. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? I felt like I was tied between two horses like a midievil torture with no way out. it was a lose/lose situation.. Why in the world didn't he just say, "Oh she's asleep? You cannot wake her? Tell her I'll miss her and I will see her in the morning to drive her to school." He has cancelled numerous evenings with them of course when he has had plans with his gf and even to vacation with her for a week. He doesn't mind missing a night then. Why can't he understand that teens sometimes just need to sleep and or that they always do not want to go anywhere with a parent? I rarely do anything "fun" like go to a movie with my teens. they don't want to do that sort of stuff with mom. I think he thinks that we do all these fun things together all the time but he actually does more fun stuff with them than me, even something as simple as watching TV together. He also just doesn't understand that when he does outings with gf and his daughters they get embarrassed by their lovey behavior and /or the fact that most people think he is out with his FOUR daughters... they deal with all of that so why can't he just let them stay home and relax or sleep sometimes?
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