The Wichita Writer's Guild Message Board The Wichita Writer's Guild Discussion Forum › Sabrina's Windows and Faces

Sabrina's Windows and Faces

Ilenya M.
user 103420392
Wichita, KS
Post #: 1
Hi, Sabrina,
Your story leaves me with a mildly eerie feeling, like goosebumps. What will happen next? So I am wondering if this is the start of a longer piece. I enjoyed the beginning character development. On the technical side, more active voice would give your work a lot more punch and precision. I wonder and would like to know more about the deceased father. I liked the beginning descriptions of the main character's blissful experience and the contrast as she deals with her whining, negative mother. This feels like it could be a promising beginning. Where will you take us next?
Ashley M.
user 49191502
Wichita, KS
Post #: 24
I was very intrigued by the relationship between the mother and daughter. I definitely like the beginning of the story over the end. I felt like the supernatural aspect was presented to abruptly and derailed the initial conflict of the mother and daughter salvaging their relationship. I don't mean that it can't be there (because obviously it shows that the reason the mother showed up without notice to stay was because she was scared, not because she wanted to spend time with her daughter), but maybe it could be more steadily introduced and contribute to the initial emotional conflict in some way. I think this story would benefit from being a longer piece as well so that you can tie the two conflicts together.

I love the way the conflict is set up, and would love to see the resolution. How do the two women reconcile with each other despite their completely different attitudes?
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