Q&A: Gender Differences (Real Men and the Roles Women Play)

Hey all! Dr. Dennis Neder has agreed to come out and talk to us. He's the best selling author of 'Being A Man In A Woman's World' (bio below) and the presenter of the popular seminar The Insiders Guide to the Opposite Sex. 

This is an open forum meetup and you can ask any questions you like and he'll give you the answers. Learn to interpret your target markets filter.

We'll talk about gender differences (why aren't there any real men any more, the roles women play and how do we fix things?), dating, sex, relationships and your own Q&A. What the hell do women want? What do men want? Why is dating in SoCal so tough?

This is an interactive group where everyone gets to participate so come with your questions and opinions! I believe that the more educated a person gets about themselves and others the more effective they can be.

So, come for a bunch of free education - just bring your own container.

Bio for: Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Best-selling author, talk show host, dating, sex and relationship expert

Over 30 years of success in the worlds of business, dating, sex and relationships, sales and marketing, psychology, sociology and human interactions give Dr. Neder a unique perspective on men’s relationships with women. In addition to starting and building a number of successful businesses, he has also held positions on numerous boards, commissions and committees, is a commissioner for the County of Los Angeles, and has proven his dating and relationship techniques in the toughest market – Southern California. Now, his experience can be yours!

His books, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World”, Volumes I, II & III and “1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women”, “How Women Can Approach Men” (and 10 others) have become the must-have topic of thousands of radio and TV programs and in print media. By taking the difficult concepts of dating and relationships and applying a proven business and personal-development models, men (and especially women) all over the world are reaping the benefits. “Dating isn’t rocket science…” according to Dr. Neder, “But, who is going to use their own love life as a testing ground?” Now, you don’t have to!

In addition to working on new books, writing articles (over 800 so far) and having released CD and DVD series, Dr. Neder is the host of “Love and Sex” with Gina Martell. He’s also a speaker and comedic host and writes weekly articles that appear on hundreds of Internet websites and newsletters. He’s answered over 35,000 (yes, thousand!) letters from readers all over the world and has become the “go-to” expert whenever radio or TV needs real relationship answers. Dr. Neder recently joined the faculty of the prestigious, Loveology University in Hollywood, CA.

"Dr. Dennis" is known world-wide as the man with the definitive answer for any dating, sex or relationship question. Often controversial, his bold, direct, innovative style has earned him the reputation as the go-to guy for radio and TV shows.

Opinionated, provocative and funny. Dr. Dennis is one powerful, engaging and entertaining author, expert and personality

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  • A former member
    A former member

    Really kind of bummed I didn't go!

    August 24, 2013

  • Devlin

    "Damsel in Distress - Tropes vs Women in Video Games" captures the essence that I was trying to put into words, about a particular type of feminism. It's on-topic and nerdtastic.
    Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6p5AZp7r_Q
    Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toa_vH6xGqs
    Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjImnqH_KwM

    August 21, 2013

  • Erin

    I'm glad you all had a good time. Guess I was wrong about everything. Oh wait, he's still written and said a bunch of disgusting things and I'm still appalled that this group would allow him a platform to speak about anything.

    2 · August 21, 2013

  • Tiana

    Thank you for having this event! I'm glad I didn't read any of the comments before attending, that way my take of it was an open discussion of everything goes human interaction question and answer with someone whose thoughts were different than mine. I wanted to attend this event with a completely open mind and unbiased attitude, so that I could take the chance to step out of my own self and my own thoughts about a subject and get an opportunity to hear another side of something that people don't often bring up in typical conversations unless they are warned that they will be going to an event where they can open up about private thoughts and concerns regarding dating and interpersonal relationships without fear of ridicule or having to clutch onto their inhibitions. Yeah, ill say it, I did not agree with some of what he said, actually probably more than half, but I'm okay with that, I know that people are aloud to think differently, that's one great thing about our country.

    3 · August 21, 2013

    • Tiana

      And had he simply regurgitated my exact thoughts and feelings back to me, I probably would have been bored beyond belief. I went to hear someone speak, whatever their beliefs. Had he said every word 100% against my beliefs, I would try my best to attempt to understand why he would think that, as I did with the stuff he said that didn't sit comfortably with me. I actually enjoy hearing how other people think about a lot of things because I already know what I think, and what's the fun in never stepping out of your comfort zone or your turtle shell to try and understand someone else from their point of view, even if you know they are completely wrong (I'm referring to factually based "incorrect," not opinionated "wrong"). I was really surprised that more people didn't show up, but having skimmed through the comments I can kinda start to understand why. Though I'm also surprised more who so strongly disagreed with this Guy didn't show up to spark a more lively discussion. Oh well.

      3 · August 21, 2013

    • Tiana

      I enjoyed learning what other people think about, how others feel, and that was really enjoyable to have a break from my own angle I'm so familiar with already; so, I still had fun and enjoyed this event even though I couldn't see myself putting my stamp of approval on everything he said, but I saw it as a fun challenge to try and rationalize why he believes things the way he does, and then take that and compare to knowing why I believe what I do, the way that I do. Overall, great event, I'd be very happy to attend another similar event if we are able to swing one, and if I don't have homework. :-\ Thanks again Kat for creating this event, and I'm very happy it didn't get cancelled. Also, thank you to everyone who showed up for the insight and perspective that was put on the table last night, great discussion! Thank you all for making it a great time!

      4 · August 21, 2013

  • James

    With his phd in Philosophy, Dr. Neder offered up an insightful and fun look at how the differences between the sexes are often amplified by our biological and instinctive drives. He took the time to provide helpful, proven techniques to minimize conflict, promote understanding, and foster a mutually respectful dialog. Idea-sharing was fluid and fast-paced, while being sometimes random, as our group often is. Like all Nerd Meetups, everyone was respectful of those in attendance.

    3 · August 21, 2013

  • Erin

    To be honest, I can't really wrap my brain around the fact that a woman is pushing this event so hard. This guy obviously hates women but has no problem tricking them into bed. Why are you pushing it so hard, Kat? Is there something in it for you? Something monetary perhaps?

    2 · August 20, 2013

    • Kat

      It's too bad you missed it and assumed SO much.

      1 · August 20, 2013

    • Kat

      Oh, and the event was free.

      1 · August 21, 2013

  • Jon T

    First, I have to say this is not meant as anything against Kathy at all. What I'm writing is directed at Dr. Dennis Neder and not about Kathy, who is really friendly and cool. If you want to go to the meetup, just go to hang out with her.

    I did some research and found a book by Dr. Neder called "Getting Women". Here's a quick summary, split into two messages:

    In Chapter 6, the book suggests that women who react negatively to a male stranger's attention are uptight, humorless, or [mentally] sick.

    In Chapter 9, the book again talks about cold approaching women in a variety of public places, like supermarkets and a regular street. (Women being approached by male strangers is correctly regarded as harassment these days, with good reason too.)

    In Chapter 10, the book has a list of comebacks prepped for launch when a woman rejects you. These are classic sexist insults that include put downs of physical appearance and snide remarks about "being that time of month". (cont'd)

    3 · August 19, 2013

    • James

      That's correct Jon. This Meetup is titled "Gender Roles" not "How to be a pickup artist." I expect Dennis will give his opinion on Gender Roles. Based on the Meetup title, I do not expect he'll be teaching a co-ed group how to pick up women. I've used this particular comment string to reply to your comments about his book. You felt they were relevant, although there's no statement in the Meetup they are. I compartmentalize ideas. I see validity to your comments while recognizing this Meetup is not being hosted to train pick-up artists. Nonetheless, as I've stated, I'll be there to face him, if this somehow turns into PUA training session, or he starts insulting Nerds. I invite you to do the same.

      August 20, 2013

    • Kat

      Btw, he never wrote the book 'Getting Women'.

      August 20, 2013

  • Kat

    Thanks to all that showed up. What a great turn out! And thanks for making it such a great meetup! Felt just like one of our after-meetup convos, as Devlin mentioned. Let's do this again.

    2 · August 20, 2013

  • Devlin

    Good times. This ended up having about the same feel as one of our many after-meetup conversations. I think we met our quota for random tangents, too.

    3 · August 20, 2013

  • Kat

    We're here.

    August 20, 2013

  • A former member
    A former member

    so Erin, you're going or not? you're putting a, lot if time into this and you haven't even rsvped.

    1 · August 20, 2013

    • Catherine

      She's just thanking Beto for his concern Noel. Shouldn't label her unless you know her, even then =^D

      August 20, 2013

    • A former member
      A former member

      Too bad you are not going. I was going to ask you to take notes for me. I'm going to have to cancel.

      August 20, 2013

  • Erin

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjYJf1uSfd4

    I'm watching this video of him and he just made a joke about backhanding a woman if she tries to pay for the check on a date.

    August 20, 2013

  • James

    You guys have convinced me to go! Dennis is a genius for getting you to drum up all this free attention. After all, no press is bad press! I'll be late, though.

    3 · August 19, 2013

    • Jo

      sorry, can't have to work in LA till 9pm tonight, won't make it there by 10pm and I get cranky when I am tired.

      August 20, 2013

    • Jo

      ...also, as my good friends know, I LOVE a good debate :), as long as there is respect and no contempt...The minute contempt creeps into it when I am honestly expressing my thoughts...then I shut down.

      August 20, 2013

  • David X

    So this is going to be a provocative conversation about sex and dating in front of the public fireplaces at The District with families, teenagers and kids strolling by? Good luck with that. LOL.

    2 · August 13, 2013

    • Kat

      I've yet to take offense to any comments or opinions posted. Sane with Dennis. But stating that his relationship coaching isn't research-based is assumptive on your part. I don't go by the "top in the field" because they've failed us. Too many failed marriages, relationships and families. His approach is new and refreshing. It's for today. Not for the 1700s. And we all know people cringe s-u this type of change. Hell marriage equality is proof is that. Which is why I'll be challenging him but with an open mind. I've already tried one but of advice and been pretty amazed at the results. But to each his own. :-)

      August 19, 2013

    • Jo

      Kat, I would encourage you to actually read and study Dr, Gottman (who conducts research and real world help to this day (not 1700's), before you judge him as well. I am very interested in reading Dr. Neders extensive research, please post his research so I can read it. Gottman has helped many people. I am very glad Dr. Neder has helped you and his advice has helped. Though TBH, Gottman is about maintaining actual relationships and from the bit I read, this is about starting relationships/picking people up.

      August 20, 2013

  • Matthew

    Sorry, something else came up kinda last minute.

    August 19, 2013

    • Kat

      I really hope you're not bailing due to the "opinions" of others Matthew. It's a shame you won't be attending. Our views, after the fact, won't matter as you'll need to have formed your own opinion by attending. That said, if it's a hit, I will be posting more meetups.

      August 19, 2013

  • Kat

    To those who are attending, considering attending or were attending and now aren't. I hope the opinions of those below haven't changed your mind from attending. Some may find relationship counseling offensive, but it's a much needed medium. If it were more accepted, we'd have less break-ups and single people.

    Regardless of what the title of this meetup is, this meetup is a Q&A on relationships, sex, gender, etc. It's your time to ask those questions that pester or hound you. Whether is about your ex, males or females in general, relationships, sex, etc. THIS is the place to ask those questions and get them answered.

    So get your questions ready, and don't be embarrassed about how TMI they may be. If everyone likes, I can bring pen, paper and a bowl to put your most embarrassing questions in. This isn't a place to feel ashamed, but to hopefully walk away enlightened and empowered.

    What you do with that is up to you.

    See you tomorrow night!

    1 · August 19, 2013

    • Jon T

      I believe he's a doctor in the sense he has a PhD in Philosophy, not an MD nor has he any experience fighting the Daleks.

      3 · August 19, 2013

    • Kat

      He has a PhD in Behavioral something or other.

      August 19, 2013

  • Matthew

    Though I would really like to hear how this went...

    August 19, 2013

  • Erin

    Was my comment deleted? That's not cool.

    August 19, 2013

    • Erin

      Your comment makes no sense Noel. Don't tone police me and don't tell me what to do.

      1 · August 19, 2013

    • Noel (Manuel) T

      Hi Erin,

      I can see there was a misunderstanding of what I was trying to convey. I wasn't telling you what to do and if you re-read my comments, you'll see that. Nonetheless, I imagine you may still feel offended by the comment deletion. I'm sure no one here wants to hurt your feelings in any way and we all appreciate and welcome your opinion.

      Cheers~!

      2 · August 19, 2013

  • Jo

    FYI, this man is a world-renowned PhD, who has studied thousands of couples and through that extensive research, has been able to very quickly discern which couples end in divorce and which are successful He has an institute. I think most would agree to his findings! http://www.finerminds.com/love-relationships/relationship-masters/

    August 13, 2013

    • Kat

      I hope she is!

      August 16, 2013

    • Jo

      No for 3 main reasons: 1. Weeknights are hard for me for all meetups, work 10 hours and on tuesdays work till 9; 2. This speaker does not interest me; 3. I am so research based in my work AND very opinionated, that I probably will come across as obnoxious. I will stick to seeing Dr. Gottman speak live in December!! :)

      August 16, 2013

  • Kat

    Come on guys this is a great opportunity! We finally get to speak with someone who knows the answers to the questions we're always asking each other.

    1 · August 11, 2013

    • Kat

      Em...make sure he brings the Akita or I'm a "no-show."

      August 16, 2013

    • Kat

      Dan, you can also try Google. ;)

      August 16, 2013

  • Noel (Manuel) T

    I just read the group description for that "Being a Man" meetup. I actually find it rather offensive to men.

    I'd like to point out that many women in our society (thanks to media) now suffer from Female Entitlement Mentality. This has led to an almost crippling effect in the way men and women interact and connect (or more so, how it has *prevented* men and women from connecting):

    http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/opinion/miranda-devine-women-believe-they-live-in-the-age-of-entitlement/story-e6frezz0-1226360978244

    Additionally, the premise of that meetup group suggests that Men are at fault (i.e. be a REAL Man???). In what sense? What defines a "real man"?

    1 · August 6, 2013

    • Jo

      Noel, just read your comments and I appreciate them! But I can go on for hours how culture and a persons raising really shapes their patterns in future relationships - it is my job (ie, sometimes people growing up in an abusive family, falls into abusive relationships; or my role-model was a financially stable, calm man with quiet strength who could actually accept all his daughters feelings...to me that is the definition of man; other people view men as strong and silent, some view them as guys that can fix a car) and some cultures are matriarchal so a "real" man would be different, then let's say in Germany. Also, to clarify I was not setting myself apart or better then other women, I have many female friends and they are not entitled, they work hard and are giving...let's not label or generalize. It is all about compatibility, compassion, kindness and fun!

      1 · August 13, 2013

    • Kat

      Exactly Dan. That's why I was surprised at your comment. I, personally, don't want a Justin Timberlake, etc. As Noel mentioned, it's all about compatibility, chemistry, etc. And that's why I'm excited about this meetup. We'll all get to share these generalizations and assumptions and get them broken down to reality of what we really want.

      1 · August 13, 2013

  • David X

    If I want a butt kicking I will just fill up my pockets with candy and take a walk through downtown Santa Ana! LOL! J/K

    2 · August 12, 2013

    • Lisa

      Human pinata

      1 · August 12, 2013

    • Jo

      HAHAHAHA!

      August 13, 2013

  •   P.

    Two questions: I'm a Mr Mom, would like to attend, but I'll be with at least one, if not all three of my kids, if I can attened. Is that ok?

    Is there going to be an RSVP cap? I don't want to take up a slot early on and find myself unable to attended with less than a full day's notice. If there's no RSVP cap I'll at least know I'm not preventing someone else from attending because they're assuming there will be no spaces available for them.

    August 12, 2013

    •   P.

      I've also only just now had a chance to look at the full description. From the skimming earlier I took this to be about the sociology or psychology of gender roles. Clearly I was mistaken.

      It's still interested, but yes, definitely not for the boys. The baby on the other hand. . . she doesn't have the language to be damaged by exposure to this discussion. I'm more worried about having to depart if she's disruptive.

      August 13, 2013

    • Kat

      Yes, would be best to leave her at home with Katie.

      August 13, 2013

  • Kat changed the date and time from Thursday, August 22, 2013 at 7:00 PM to Tuesday, August 20, 2013 at 7:00 PM

    August 7, 2013

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Rafaël

We just grab a coffee and speak French. Some people have been coming every week for months... it creates a kind of warmth to the group.

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