Chicago Lesbian Community Connection Pages

if the"no trans"policy makes you angry...

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE FEW WOMEN WHO ATTACK (OR COMPLAIN) BECAUSE WE DON'T INCLUDE TRANS-WOMEN AS MEMBERS (9-29/2012) :

Will you women please stop being so reactive? I'm sorry, but..... put bluntly - it's draining, and disturbing.

There are plenty of groups for LGBT. Plenty of groups for straights - that don't allow gays and lesbians. Plenty of LGBT groups that don't allow straights. Many lesbians just want to bond with other lesbians, sometimes, and not deal with the differences of, trans, bi or straight women. I hear from many lesbians that this is a comfort and a need sometimes. This group fits that need, and these women have a right to that.

Are you writing to all the straight women's groups and telling them that they are wrong not to include trans, bi and lesbians? Do straight women not have the right to bond with other straight women without lesbians, bi, or trans when they want to? Should we be offended by that? (Frankly, I have better things to do with my emotional energy. And with my time..... like saving people's lives.)

Really, think about it - this can, and sometimes does end up looking pretty crazy, fanatical, scary, even: "Let's give all of those straight women a piece of our mind! We need to challenge something! They are oppressing us! We're being victimized with their "phobias of us"! Believe it or not I have had this kind of "over the top rant" come at me for not including trans women - and for what - a little meet-up group? Seriously? It's not like we are legislating or something - LOL!)

Is this the image we should be presenting? NO. I think we all should avoid it because it's psychologically and relationally unhealthy.

Or, now are we supposed to let straight women into our group if they want to be in it? So we are not "excluding a whole group of women" (a quote from a complaint e-mail I got, a nicer one) by not including straights? (Why didn't you complain about that as well, if your real purpose was to point out that we're excluding certain groups of women?)

Oh, but that is exclusion is ok, is different, because YOU (the complainers) AGREE with it - Ah - therein lies the REAL issue. So YOU, and the few (three) other women who complained about this (some very obnoxiously and inappropriately) are trying to dictate YOUR views and tell other people they are wrong for not sharing them (on their own meetup groups that they are paying their own fees of $150.00 a year to run.) Do you gals get that????????

Seriously, it's important. It's even important to you, whether you know it or not. You are bringing drama to yourselves that you would be better off without, and appearing more troublesome instead of just being who you are and going with the flow. You are shooting yourselves in the foot. You’re stirring up * quite the opposite * response of acceptance from others because you are bordering on harassing people for just doing their thing. No one is seeking you out and criticizing you – why react defensively when there is no threat? Unless perhaps, you are projecting a threat that isn’t there????? Pay attention to yourselves!

Or, how about straight men? We are excluding them. Is that personal? Wrong? The main goal of the group is to build a certain tight-knit lesbian community around a range of common interests and experience. There are plenty of other groups that are broader and that is great and necessary - I do not have a responsibility to meet the needs of everyone with my groups. No one does.


Why don't you gals start your own group, instead of being somehow hurt or victimized by the fact that not everyone is going to meet your needs? It's not our responsibility to do so - really, truly, in the mature adult world, it is not!!!!! If there is a group for trans women I would not complain that they won't let me join it!!!!!! I would accept that they need their own space in some instances, and when I want to socialize with the trans women that I enjoy hanging out with, I will go an LGBT or LBT event - not try to change their group agenda. (And by the way, I would love to see someone appropriate to handle that task, and experienced with that, start a trans meetup group,, because trans women deserve that kind of supportive exclusive space as well, in addition to the LGBT groups we all have access to.)

Also - this group's rules state that if a lesbian member has an event that includes trans-women (or others) and they state it clearly upfront, it's fine. That way lesbians who don't want to be with non-lesbians (or bi, or straight women, or men) that day - aren't forced to be. Again, it’s their right. I just posted an event that will include trans and bi on this group but stated clearly that we were invited to attend this other (LBT) group's event.

Frankly - people complaining about this makes them look like they have personality issues that are just difficult, and even at times, inappropriate. I don't have the energy or time to deal with this kind of reactivity in this realm, and it's not why I am here.
I hope you can hear me, (this is my final and complete explanation) and be more aware of what your complaints look like to most others…..

Good Luck,
Ellen

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Uncomfortable with the lesbian-only policy? October 4, 2012 9:17 AM anonymous
About Chicago Lesbian Community Connection October 4, 2012 9:57 AM anonymous

Chicago, IL

Founded Apr 16, 2012

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Organizers:

Ellen, Fran, Heather, Staci
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