Re: [divorcesupport-513] Re: [divorcesupport-513]

From: Andrew
Sent on: Thursday, April 4, 2013 2:03 PM
I have to say I'm with Kim on this one for two reasons.  Kim, your story is touching, and as a man who was both abused in the marriage and accused of being the abuser, I too lasted as long as I could before allowing divorce to creep into my mind.  18 years of horrible experience and 18 years of a horrible display of a self proclaimed Christian home.  I know exactly what your speaking about and when I pick my kids up on the weekends and return them when our visit is over, I cannot think of one time that tears have not entered my eyes over the destruction of a family and a home that they had to witness, and are currently witnessing. 
Rick, I also must say that I am extremely conservative and I believe that in all things in life what we need less of is - government.  Although I understand that this man may have the best of intents, the fact remains that if you want government to run your married life, then do not be surprised when they decide to run your religion, the amount your tithe, or how long you can stay a Baptist, Methodist or Catholic before you have change up in the name of tolerance.  So, no think you!  Enforce the laws we have the books because there's too many of them already.
Rick, I have to also say that I know folks like you, and I can read the frustration in your messages that come off as condescending and judgemental.  Although I don't know your personally, I assume that you're simply trying to provoke conversation and your communication skills do not match up with your passion; however, if you want to have a conversation about such a sensitive subject, a subject where none of us on here are happy that we're even on the singles list to begin with, than you can not convey the message you're trying to get across by using tough love or condescending remarks.  It's a turn off bro, and unfortunately if you're attempting to speak on behalf of God and his living word, than you've done more damage than good on here today.
I can't speak for everyone that is apart of this group, mainly because I just joined and I've not met a single person yet, but I'm sure that at least 98% of us did not get married with the idea that we'd be divorced and tossing our precious children around from house to house like luggage.  I know for me, when I walked down the isle at the ripe old age of 19, I was convinced that I had found the one God had placed for me and that our love was true love and nothing could stop true love (reference The Princess Bride).  However, things did not work out and I'm on Meetups as a member of the different divorce and single clubs.  Which oddly enough, I saw Meetups for mothers, ghost hunters, runners, hikers, and bikers, but where are the Happily Married Meetups?  Anyway......

On Thu, Apr 4, 2013 at 12:31 PM, Kim Kiser <[address removed]> wrote: heart aches for you and your sarcism, which is always rooted in hate.  As one who grieves daily over the destruction my children have witnessed, I ache over the broken dream of family.  Your crude and personal jabs of "poor baby" are rude and as intolerant as those of a verbally abusive spouse. 
There is not a human being alive that does not crave the love of the another.  Not one.  We were created in His image and he is rooted in love.  I can only imagine how he ached as I lay in my hotel room, five months pregnant with my youngest,  only to have my completely drunk uncaring husband come strolling in at morning's light, after having been out with the 'girls' in his office, to try to climb into bed with the vessel through which his offspring was housed.  I remember vividally remember walking out to the ocean and screaming at my God...what would you have me do?  At the time I heard him say "act justly, love mercy and walk humbly before me".  In my young niave beliefs, I jumped to love mercy and quickly forgave the man.  Little did I realize the manner in which the verse is stated....1. act justly.  2. Then love mercy.  3. walk humbly before God.  Well...the most just thing I could have done at the time was get my sweet little pregnant ass on a plane and leave his immature and consistent behavior in Maui where he belonged.  So.....don't you dare ever place your belief system onto me stating that I should 'still' be married to that man.  
Your pathetic empathy is obviously not of God....if it were you would understand the breaking of his heart....  You would understand when he says I desire a broken and contrite heart over offerings.  If my sanity, my physical and emotional health is in jeapordy...........then I am dishonoring the one thing created in his  What would honor him more Rick, a warm body in a broken marriage that should have never taken place to begin with but through grace produced three amazing children and the pieces of one woman's heart or the truthful authentic heart that lays before him daily begging for his grace to endure another day and to have the willingness to forgive a man who STILL has no heart to this day.  I know him well enough to know that he knows me.........and that my choice to DIVORCE was my last,y absolutely last resort.  It took me on a death bed in the hospital from an attempted suicide to finally have the where with all to make a courageous choice!
Sad.....  sad is divorce.  Sadder still....those who are walking dead warm bodies in a broken dysfunctional marriage.  What a sad display of the union of God and his bride. 
You can take my name off this excessively indepth email if you please; however, I will spend the rest of my days using this horrific experience as a platform to educate women, men and children that their God does not condone abuse.  Read Micah 3 slowly and carefully.....he hates divorce, but read the lines above that....he HATES it when a  man covers his wife with a cloak of hate (abuse, etc.)
BTW......8, count that Rick and every one else 8 years of counseling on my part and his could not reconcile what God deemed unreconcilable.  Or is that not enough years of counseling....?  Tell that to my poor babies as they gather their stuff weekly to move from house to house.  Nuclear family.....some men and women for that matter should be castrated before they are ever allowed to give birth to children!

On Tue, Apr 2, 2013 at 1:44 AM, Kristin <[address removed]> wrote:
Do you believe in freedom of religion? Perhaps the government should mandate a 5 year courtship before allowing us to get married in the first place. Or, since we are adults (some more mature than others) perhaps we should make our own choice and let our own beliefs guide us.

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