Lovelife: Borderline & Narcissistic Personality Disorder Roundtable Discussion

If the date/time/location isn't good for you, please post a comment, stating your preference(s).

 

Interested in BPD, NPD, Karpman Drama Triangle?  (In a Karpman Triangle:  The "rescuer" is the "victim", and the "victim" is the Perpetrator.)

Is it true that Bipolar Romantic Relationships last only 2 years on average? (There is a psych discussion with over 120 postings indicating this unfortunate timeline.)

Heard Israeli author (book: "Malignant Self-Love.  Narcissism Revisited") Sam Vaknin's 400+ mini lectures, on Narcissism, on Youtube?  His videos are very, very interesting.  He was the subject of a documentary on the subject.  You might be surprised about his information.

Vaknin's view is that romantic relationships with people with these disorders cannot be salvaged.  His suggestion is to get away.

Vaknin opines that these disorders are caused solely by childhood traumas.

Let's share information. After all, this is the Information Age.

A psychologist in North Van stated that the odds of finding someone with a "golden childhood" (i.e. happy childhood) is only "0.5%" in her opinion.

It that is true, and Vaknin is correct, what is the defense strategy, since NPD is hard to detect.

The author of the leading book on BPD is Dr. Alexander Chapman, from Vancouver.  He once told me that, "The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour."

Looking for suggestions on when, where, to hold this discussion, and whether there is any interest in this subject matter.

Comments?

 

UPDATE:  Want to attend by tele-conference? Just found out that my cell phone can do conference calls for up to 5 callers.  Please indicate if a conference-call meetup is better for you.

 

FYI:  Rob, this meetup's host, is one of the so-called "0.5%" group, and has none of these disorders.

 

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  • A former member
    A former member

    I teach emotional-body healing process which I have developed for the total resolution of buried past old hurts and anger with right understanding. My process has worked successfully with my clients and paved the way in turning their relationships around from hurtful to joyful.

    May 27, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      Brenda: your "healing process which I have developed for the total resolution of buried past old hurts and anger with right understanding" should be a great gift to those with these disorders.

      May 28, 2013

    • A former member
      A former member

      Yes Rob, and so my next step is to write a book on it so that others out there in this troubled world who are ready and open enough to receive honestly what they need to undo/heal what is hurtful in their life has access to these understandings.

      May 29, 2013

  • A former member
    A former member

    I'm sure it was good even though I couldn't hear it!

    May 29, 2013

  • Christine

    Sorry live in poco and some other things have come up to get done so catch you next time.

    May 28, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      One "key" info/consensus from this meetup: People with NPD or BPD will eventually subliminally destroy whatever they have. They cannnot truly love or feel real empathy. (I wonder, though, if Monoatomic Gold can bring back their emotions. Seen its effects personally. )

      May 29, 2013

  • rob.Zeeee

    It was a privilege to meet this many big-hearted people tonight. And, on the topic of diet-as-a-cure, we learned that Udo Erasmus was "the real thing".

    1 · May 28, 2013

  • rob.Zeeee

    Those who asked about 'let's return to joy' dances, here are some links to the dances (mostly free, no cover charge) scheduled by Ricky, Libby, or myself, in several meetup groups. Imo dancing is a "cure", lol.

    First one is this Friday!
    http://www.meetup.com/WeLoveDan...­

    May 28, 2013

  • rob.Zeeee

    Here are just a couple of the much information shared tonight:
    - 70% of adults have taken psychotropic meds sometime in their life
    - Long term use of psych meds remove human emotion, leaving an empty shell
    - Most of those US "mass schootings" happened when people got off their psych meds
    - Suicide "attempts" can be phony, mere actions to attract attention
    - People with rescuer personalities, watch out for narcissists
    - Vaknin's most useful videos include:
    Abuse in Relationships: gaslighting (ambient), overt, covert, by proxy
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=...­

    May 28, 2013

  • A former member
    A former member

    I'd like to attend by conference call, Rob. Please let me know how and I'll be there (via microwaves) in spirit if not in body ;)

    May 28, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      Done. Btw, imo the most useful Sam Vaknin youtube video is "Gaslighting - Ambient Abuse". The abuser's "trick" is almost like "magic".

      May 28, 2013

  • A former member
    A former member

    We all each have our unique different areas and level of sensitivity as children and adults, and so we automatically set up defense mechanism. Some are very subtle and some are extreme forms of attack. I don't really care to read up about serial murderers,... I am only interested in what I know can be undone. My process has shown me successes lasting beyond way past 2 yrs. - I know this because my clients live in the West End where I am.

    1 · May 28, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      Kudus, good stuff. I like success stories.

      May 28, 2013

  • A former member
    A former member

    I would like to attend but I have a counselling session on Tuesday evenings. I would like to say though, that this types of behavior need not come from severe traumatic childhood experiences. It could be from as simple as emotional neglect.

    May 27, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      Hi Brenda. Let's not forget the worst examples of traumatic childhood experriences -- read the first 50 pages of Stevie Cameron's book (her second book) on the serial murderer Picton.

      May 27, 2013

  • rob.Zeeee

    A follow up meetup on this subject matter will be scheduled at another meetup group in late June in Burnaby. (Not yet announced -- not a North Shore meetup group.)

    May 26, 2013

  • Asim U.

    I want to learn more about this.

    May 24, 2013

  • rob.Zeeee

    Could the cure for certain mental disorders be as simple as a diet????

    Last night, at Udo Erasmus PhD (author: Fats That Heal, Fats That Kill, creator of "Udo's Oil"), I was told by Udo that an Anthony Stephan has many testimonials in respect to bipolar symptoms cured by just a diet change. He will be speaking at the so-called BrainSolutions.ca conference and "e-expo" (don't know what this means.) on Aug 24 and 25th. By the Gift of Life Foundation. Dr. Gabor Mate, who is very well known, is one of the panelists, along with Udo Erasmus.

    Note: This post is about bipolar, not BPD or NPD.

    May 22, 2013

  • A former member
    A former member

    Already a garden of information! My Cluster B also has Cluster C OCD. I hear Ashley on the financial draining and the rest on the 'RUN'. I've let him know that I am my own person and that I'm not interested in a man who doesn't consider my feelings when making decisions that involve me. That went out with the dark ages and women being mere possessions or chattel. But my big question is this - how do I figure out what in me finds these types of partner attractive and how do I correct my own thinking to prevent this?

    May 21, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      Here's my 2 cents, based on watching most of Vaknin's 400 mini lectures on Youtube, plus lots of (unfortunate) experiences being on the "receiving end", just like you: He is not doing this intentionally -- he is the product of a traumatic childhood experience which results in a disorder (medical condition). You are targeted perhaps because of a "rescuer" personality or perhaps you simply provided "attention" to a person who, as Vaknin says, lives off "attention" in order to simply survive. The simpliest strategy, imo, is to avoid anybody who takes psychotropic meds; because they will not reveal their dark childhood past until you're on a relationship. I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist -- so don't take this as medical advice.

      May 21, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      Vaknin, who imo has the most profound knowledge of NPD, says that these people, inside them, hate happy people, even though they pretend to be otherwise. And, he says, very difficult to detect when in their facade mode.

      May 21, 2013

  • A former member
    A former member

    I will try to make this as I live in a different part of the Lower Mainland.

    May 21, 2013

  • Christine

    Thanks Ashley and Rob for your comments they are well read. My adopted sister has bipolar narcissm too so had to cut her off years ago as she was making my life hell. Such a control glamour queen. She tried to say anything to make you cry or be upset so she would feel like a queen bee. I think this round table discussion could be really informative. My boyfriend every month on a full moon has bipolar weirdness and causes arguments for no reason to upset me so we have a major fight for a day or two and then he is back to normal. Can't figure out how to correct it I guess you have to become insensitive to it and be prepared to walk and not get attached to that person. Where is the sushi place, right in town of deep cove? Chris

    May 21, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      The sushi place is on the corner of the main street, which is only abou 100 meters long.

      May 21, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      Your posting is the first and only source of info about full moon and bipolar argumentativeness. Amazing how mainstream medicine missed this correlation entirely. Kudus for working out the cycle. Maybe you should blogspot this.

      May 21, 2013

  • Christine

    Thanks Kimberly too

    May 21, 2013

  • Shane

    Kim and Christine - RUN... I was married to a "Cluster B" with major emphasis in narcissistic, borderline, and histrionic personality disorders. It will end, and it will never end well. Just my humble opinion.

    1 · May 20, 2013

  • Brian L

    I would say passive aggresive may sometimes play a part. Are narcissits prone to lie. I'am impressed with the justifcation of lies. I figure you have to be a crafty person to proceed forward. .

    May 16, 2013

  • Brian L

    I enjoy psyhcology. Why do we act the way we do.

    May 15, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      What's your theory? Dr. Harris, the author of the book on twins, blew "The Bell Curve" Harvard authors on 60 Minutes, many years ago, with her research that we are 80 percent similar to our parents. The Bell Curve book/stats, used by policy makers then, said that "environment" formed character. Dr. Harris says the environment's impact is small -- that our parents already "gifted us" via their genes (i.e. no need to send kids to good schools at all.)

      May 15, 2013

  • Ren

    I work until 830 pm Mon-Thurs,that's why I am missing all the events

    May 15, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      Can you join via your cell from work? Or, does this group want to meet on Sunday nights, perhaps?

      May 15, 2013

  • A former member
    A former member

    Having dated a guy with NPD for the past few years, I'm leaning towards Get Out While You Can or Avoid At All Possible Costs. The cost emotionally to myself in dating someone with only self interest has been enlightening. These people have no compassion or empathy for others - including their partner. They are only nice when they want something from you that furthers their own agenda. Get involved only if you want to end up lonely while still in the relationship by the end of year 2! "How many Narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they'll get someone else to do it!

    1 · May 15, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      That's a good joke. Glad you haven't lost all humour!

      May 15, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      It seems that the 2-year "good while it lasts" timeframe is confirmed by your posting, too. Sorry to hear that. What about the possible "childhood trauma" history?

      May 15, 2013

  • Christine

    I am very interested in this subject as am dating a guy with this disorder bipolar and narcissism in my opinion for past 2 years and its always a roller coaster ride. Some good insight may help so hope this round table discussion happens soon. christine

    May 15, 2013

    • rob.Zeeee

      That roller coaster ride is a serious indicator imo. Don't ignore it.

      May 15, 2013

  • rob.Zeeee

    One of Vaknin's 400 videos:

    Spot a Narcissist or a Psychopath on Your First Date http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=...­

    May 15, 2013

  • rob.Zeeee

    What day and time of the week would you prefer?

    May 15, 2013

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