Our desire for relationships arises from the whisperings of our spiritual memory of oneness with all aspects of ourselves. At the same time, however, we also maintain the desire to know ourselves as separate and individual. These two desires oppose each other, having different goals. The mind that contains them both is in conflict. (That would be pretty much all of us). This oneness/separateness dichotomy expresses all difficulty in human relationships.
Let’s bring this closer to home. We want love, but we also want superiority. We want intimacy, but we also want private thoughts. We want union, but we also want uniqueness. We want sharing, but we also want exclusivity. No wonder relationships make us crazy! It is as if we have two minds—or one mind that is split—each mind manifesting without the awareness of the other. Naturally, we get unsatisfactory results. Then we look to books and counselors for ways to achieve both desires, never recognizing that the desires themselves are irreconcilable.
Think what we are trying to accomplish: a separate “oneness,” a “loving” superiority, a private-thought “intimacy,” a “union” of uniqueness, a “sharing” of exclusivity. Reason rejects merging these concepts; their product is an unintelligible amalgam. But we desperately want it to be possible, because then both minds—both incompatible thought systems—can coexist.
Astonishingly, the Law of Attraction is able to provide even this, and when it does, our perception of happiness soars! We have everything we want, at least for a fleeting moment in time. The apparent joy of this moment is powerful. We are high on our beliefs, for we have seemed to make our conflicted truth reality. What is irreconcilable has been reconciled! In this our illusion, our joy seems complete, and we float through a dreamy world of “love.”
We all know the feeling. We’ve entered into a relationship where we feel oneness as a couple, as long as we remain separate from everyone else. In love with each other, we feel superior to our former single status and pity those poor, single people. We can be intimate with our new partner and keep our thoughts private from the rest of the world. We can unite as a unique entity, two halves becoming one. We can share each other’s bodies exclusive of all others. In this “special relationship,” we think we have found an answer to the oneness/separateness dichotomy.
But disillusionment is not far away. Nothing built on a foundation of conflict will stand for very long. When it all comes crashing down, we know of no greater pain that to see our belief system proved false. This experience reminds us that perception is not reality: it is what we want to be true but conflicts with truth. Our illusion was temporary, as are all illusions. We eventually see that The Law of Attraction confirms our beliefs whether they are consistent with reality or not.
Either separateness will erode oneness, or oneness will transcend separateness. Either superiority will erode love, or love will transcend superiority. Either private thoughts will erode intimacy, or intimacy will transcend private thoughts. The split mind decides for erosion of reality. The healed mind knows there is no decision. Reality does not need our choice.
The solution to the oneness/separateness dichotomy is releasing the illusions which uphold separateness. The greatest of these is the illusion of the “special” relationship.