Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › Challenge: Say something good about your ex...

Challenge: Say something good about your ex...

Bob
user 13334205
Madison, WI
Post #: 4
Wow I have a lot in common with you all my ex and I worked out our divorce without much trouble. I still was crushed about it after a long marriage and I am struggling on how to date and be out there again hopefully it gets easier. I have meet several nice people along the way including this group and others we just all have to have faith. Well here is the nice part my ex is a great mother, caring and nice woman I wish her nothing but the best for the future.
A former member
Post #: 72
Todd - don't be jealous. The dating since divorce has been a nightmare!!! NOW I don't trust anyone. I was married for too long and did not really know what was out there. I was used to being able to trust so I was gullible in relationships Post-Divorce. That has really been a pain. So you will probably be better poised to not trust what you are told (in a new relationship) based on your recent experience. So instead of being worried about running into my ex-husband at events, I cringe at the thought of running into my last two boy-un-friends anywhere. Similar to one's fear of running into vampires.

I think that I became numb when I started to date. The first few people I dated I kind of had an attraction to in some way, but I was just trying to feel something. The trust thing might have been part of it but I think it was a full package, I didn't know if I even wanted to be in a relationship, I knew it was good to heal, I was cynical about having that great love and yet I wasn't really satisfied with anything less. As much as I wanted to try more casual dating I felt a lot of guilt when I knew I wasn't interested in people who were more interested in me. So I think there were a lot of things keeping me from falling in.

I think another thing is that I really loved my ex and it was once a very passionate and deep love. But over time I came to realize that we had very different values. And my values are very important to me and even when it was something good I just felt empty. I started to get really cynical, like "I'm not going to find someone I feel that chemistry and feel attracted to AND someone who really shares my core values". So part of me started to bargain and I started to think that maybe I wasn't going to get into another serious relationship. Maybe it would just be about my girls because, frankly, I don't want to compromise the life I think they deserve.

But I think the thing about being okay with being single and even reaching a point where perhaps dating wasn't that comfortable, but dating was comfortable enough that I wasn't going to force something or compromise, I kept myself open. And last December when I did the first TGIF meetup at my house this really cute woman showed up who started to talk about her values as a social worker, as a mom and as a woman, as a person who cares about the less fortunate and really feels a responsibility to fight to make the world a better place... not to mention these amazing eyes... and we just kind of fell into each other. And I do trust her because the person she is isn't someone you can hide. By the way, it was against my rule to date in this group because this group had become so important to me as a social connection. But some people are worth breaking your rules for.

I think women might have different fears about men than men have about women, but we can both be taken in by vampires, even if male vampires behave differently than female ones. And some of us might really have an attraction to vampires. Then again, when you see past the BS illusions... Well, maybe we can find something even more exciting...
A former member
Post #: 33
I like your post Todd. Joan! You, me, Laura K and Kim - we need to get on the prowl together! I think just going out and having fun on a girls night might be a better idea than to waste a lot of energy looking for some man! If I remember correctly from my single days (hopefully it is not too, too different now), good men seem to be attracted to women who aren't looking (or at least appear that way!).
A former member
Post #: 76
It's totally different now.

For example, now... the girl is supposed to pay... I mean for everything.winkbiggrintongue
A former member
Post #: 35
well, ain't that some bad news for me? guess I will just stay single! heehee
A former member
Post #: 6
Here I was thinking all my dates would have to be fans of the McDonalds $1 menu or two for one drinks at happy hours.
A former member
Post #: 5
I wandered into this discussion yesterday and have been trying to come up with something ever since. I didn't realize that I still had so many negative feelings about my ex. So much easier to remember her contribution to the break-up of the marriage than find something good to say.

I'm going to be as gracious as I can be here, at this point, and say she is a good organizer and a hard worker.

Still surprised at how hard this was/is. It's been four years and I thought I'd put the resentment and other negative feelings to rest. Guess I've got a bit more work to do.
Brad B.
user 18460471
Oregon, WI
Post #: 5
Here I was thinking all my dates would have to be fans of the McDonalds $1 menu or two for one drinks at happy hours.



i had a very romantic McDonalds date once, even with kids there. We were very sneeky wink Just goes to show its who your with and not the location.
A former member
Post #: 39



i had a very romantic McDonalds date once, even with kids there. We were very sneeky wink Just goes to show its who your with and not the location.
so you were that couple I saw one time totally making out at the table while the kids were playing in the playspace? It wasn't all that sneaky! Heehee!
Brad B.
user 18460471
Oregon, WI
Post #: 8
busted :)
Powered by mvnForum

People in this
Meetup are also in:

Sign up

Meetup members, Log in

By clicking "Sign up" or "Sign up using Facebook", you confirm that you accept our Terms of Service & Privacy Policy