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Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › Split Personality

Split Personality

A former member
Post #: 28
Ok... so, I think I've finally gotten to that point where I don't feel completely miserable when my kids are gone for the weekend with Dad. (A couple months ago, I thought folks were nuts when they said I would eventually get used to being without them). Now, I kind of enjoy the time to myself.

But...


the transitions are really difficult. If feels almost as if I'm two different Jennifers. They always talk about the kids having a hard time with transitions, but I feel like its hard on me, too. Any suggestions on how to deal with this switching back and forth between parent and solo roles? And lets add in the dating part, too... When I was married, it was all smushed up into one "me", and now I feel like I have all these separate identities to deal with.

Darn, maybe I was a bit too hasty in thinking I didn't need my therapist anymore... :\
Tim
user 14011197
Westfield, WI
Post #: 1
I know the feeling, but I think planning activities on your "no kid" weekends is the best way to go, as I found it kept me from sitting around thinking too much. Everything becomes normal eventually....
A former member
Post #: 30
It's not so much that I have trouble filling up my time... in fact, quite the opposite! Between housework, school, and wanting to get together with friends... and date... I have more than enough to occupy my time.

I enjoy my time alone and with friends now quite a lot.

But...

I find it difficult going back and forth. Mom-me. Going out with friends-me. Relationship-me. Just seems like I am all these different people at different times. Struggling with unifying all the parts of the new-me. I suppose i't just something you get used to as time goes on...
A former member
Post #: 68
Jen! I have to disagree. I don't think it was all smushed up into a single person in my married me. I think BIG parts of me were missing! Like relationship-me and going out with friends-me! I just had the Mom-me. That is probably part of what made marriage so miserable! Yeah, it feels completely uncomfortable because you were unbalanced BEFORE!!! (at least if you are anything like me) So I say let's raise a glass to getting used to it and the day we will look back and think "I don't know why I lived like that" before! It is hard to wrap my head around being able to do other things and still feeling like I am a good mom, but they are done being babies, so I should be getting a little of my life back! Remember, if we do our job right, they are going to leave us eventually anyway!
A former member
Post #: 31
You are so wise, Sara.

I think you have a point there. I was pretty taken over by the Mom part for many years. I think that happens to a greater extreme with stay at home moms. You don't have that built in balance of a job to get out in the world. Parenting can become everything. I did have friends and my own activities, though. But the relationship... hmmmm, not so much.

I think now it just seems abrupt- the changes between me alone and me with kids. Since I don't have my kids all the time, I tend to only do social things when I don't have them, since I want to soak up my time with them when I have them. Maybe it would help if I got out sometimes with the kids with other folks so I had somewhat of a social life WITH them.

And you are also right about the fact that my kids are going to eventually leave anyway. Sometimes I wonder if it's a blessing in disguise that I have to separate some from them now... Maybe that will lessen that empty-nest syndrome down the road.
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