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A former member
Post #: 2 I totally need to vent...I am so frustrated! I moved out 6 months ago and have been paying my rent and over 1/2 of the mortgage payment as my soon to be ex wanted to stay in the house and see if he could swing it. So we agreed that he would pick up the full mortgage payment after 6 months. So...what does he do...decides now that he wants to sell or walk away and screw the house payment...leaving me to try to figure out how in the hell I am going to come up with a FULL (fairly large) house payment AND my mortgage...etc...or let my credit go to hell!!! In order to hire an attorney I have to come up with a 2K retainer of which I totally don't have who says he would file a temporary order to get him out since he isn't paying....but regardless!!! I contacted a realtor to put the house up for sale, but chances of getting what we owe on it is slim to none! He could give to craps about his credit. In addition, we were supposed to do the whole divorce thing without a lawyer...he has been dragging his feet getting the paperwork filed....and I get a notice that he is now represented in the mail yesterday. WTF.....? I have tried to do EVERYTHING fairly and have gone above and beyond to help him since my kids are still there with him 1/2 time. So, he tells my 9 year old daughter that they are going to have to sell the house because of the divorce...which is ALL my fault off course since I was the one that left. ARG ARG ARG ARG!

Whew! I am still frustrated, but at least I got to vent. :(
Optimistic C.
Madison, WI
Post #: 64
And that Sara is why we are all members of SP-DA... to vent, to listen, to support, to laugh & to cry!

So I had a wacky idea... (this is really tongue in cheek - I'm just being a smart A$$)...

Just maybe, there are 2-4 folks really looking to get out of their current, very unhappy, living arrangements... who might be interested in renting a room in a house for just a few months while they get their Sh*@ together! You get to cover the mortgage, they get a breath of fresh air, room-mates to commiserate and laugh with, and your STBX gets to walk away. Everyone wins!
Just thinking outside the box that's all.

It could become the SP-DA "half-way house".

Welcome to the group Sara. Be strong!

A former member
Post #: 121
Good idea OC! I know I have seen a couple on here who could really use a break! Go find the thread on "still living together" check with those people!
Jane L
user 9999308
Madison, WI
Post #: 24
Remember Sara,

Don't engage in verbal payment arrangments or agreements when it comes to Mortgage or even bills for your daughter (s) . Start savings your receipts in a manilla envelope (they don't fade as much) when you pay for 'things' - it sounds like you don't have a divorce decree yet.... so half of his debt is still yours and vice versa ! Call you mortgage company yourself and tell them what the situation is so they are aware the payments may be late, sometimes the more info they have, some Mortgage companies will work on a trial period payment plans .

I too need to get out of the house I inheriited because of "D", but I never say that in front of children, that is not their concern while they are still trying to get through making their own friends, and learning new sciences. Sometimes going with a realtor is not a 'best choice' as you lose at least 5- 6% of the selling price upfront.

Document everything from MOnday forward !!!!
A former member
Post #: 61
Sara, have you considered walking away from your rental place? I'd guess your maximum exposure would be the security deposit. At least that would reduce your bills to a mortgage payment. Then get the toughest bulldog attorney you can find (I can recommend one, who gave me no end of fits). Don't worry so much about running up the costs (to a point) because otherwise it may not be possible to get out of this with your skin. IMO you want to press for full house ownership and full custody (unless your better judgment dictates otherwise), and his behavior might help that.

Best of luck in a really difficult situation.

A former member
Post #: 3
Thanks guys! You all have some great ideas! I don't want the house... and have absolutely no desire to move back there. Interesting thought Chris about the roomate arrangement...however everyone would have to move to Portage...:)

As soon as I can get the retainer for the attorney..I am going to hire him. I talked to him yesterday and know per reputation AND my inital discussion....that he will NOT hold back. Already said the first thing he would do would be to file an order to kick my ex to be out since he wasn't going to pay.

Deep breathe and move ahead. Hopefully soon I can make it to a meet up! I can't wait to meet you all.

user 24310102
Madison, WI
Post #: 2

Sorry to hear your plight. My ears perked up when OC mentioned the half way house. I for one would be very, very agreeable to that, but I live and work in Middleton. So the Portage location would be difficult. I feel for you because the same thing happened to me about 10 years ago with my ex. She moved out on me and basically left me to pay the mortgage.

All went well until I lost my great paying job and then it was really, really bad. I finally sold the house just before I went into bankruptcy court. Then lived with a relative (brother) for 2 years before I was again able to move out.

I VERY sincerely hope you found an AGRESSIVE real estate agent. Many of them are really quite lazy. My agent is a friend of the family and does not live near here so it would not help to mention him. I will use him to find me another just like him though. These guys (agents) have to be hungry for money. Some are some are not. Sorry just my take on the profession and not meant to be a slam. smile
user 14011197
Westfield, WI
Post #: 3
Sorry to hear about your situation Sara. I hope everything works out soon....
A former member
Post #: 13
Jesus I hope this isn't what my ex is up to. We have a similar arrangement. Going to file the agreement with the courts via a mediator this week. Hope to hell it works. I'm impressed at how quickly you bounced back from vent to deep breath Sara. I look forward to that day.
Madison, WI
Post #: 25
One thing regarding lawyers.. Mine has the option of a retainer (based on the case and complexity) or a month to month payment billed to a credit card (they send you the bill with a breakdown of what was done, you check it with a written log of every phone call, email, etc etc that you needed and then sign it). Not sure if the lawyer you talked to gave you that option but you might wanna ask him/her.

I have a lawyer on my side (using the credit card payment option) and as everything else, find that as long as you write every single possible question and bring every single piece of paper, it works best to do face-to-face conversations with them.
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