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Amy
AmyRenewed
Madison, WI
Post #: 31
Is anyone else having issues with Tuesday? I've been essentially separated from my stbx for over 2 years, and spent last spring looking at attorneys in CO. I didn't even blink when V-Day rolled around, though, except for getting myself some of the candy I like so much.
This year, however, I feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck. Maybe it is the convergence of events, with the house in CO selling at the end of January, filling out the paperwork for filing and getting it signed and notarized, and meeting with attorneys, but it feels like this lovey-dovey stuff is everywhere and damn it, it HURTS! Between that and all of the emotions raked up by the attorney (I left feeling so very alone, and small, in the face of something huge) I'm suddenly an emotional trainwreck.
Logically I know, and have for a long time, that I have no business falling for someone. I never even considered that it might be an issue! I've been burned badly, and didn't expect to want to fall love again, ever. Much less right away! Now I feel hollow and alone, and I catch myself seeking something I could have sworn I didn't want.
Here's hoping it's just the schlock of V-Day affecting my brain.
A former member
Post #: 15
Your not alone Amy! I can't wait for V-Day to be over...which cracks me up cause we never ever even celebrated it! However, as much as I want to be HAPPY for all of those blissfully happy...its not always easy to do. So, I am hoping the day goes fast and I can revel in the excitement the kids have with their v-day parties at school and by Wed...it will be all over! Good luck!
A former member
Post #: 135
I have busied myself folding origami boxes for all 4 kids classes and will keep busy filling them up and sending them off. At least I have all of them with me for the day, so we will just act like it isn't happening! It sucks!
A former member
Post #: 21
You are not alone at all.

I have decided to completely avoid Facebook today except to post.... "Happy Singles Awareness Day"... lol.

It is ironic that we focus on something that we never really had isn't it?
I rarely got anything on Valentines Day in 18 years.
Yesterday I decided to do something for myself and bought a plant... no flowers... but a plant something I could nurture and watch grow and gives color and live to my home. It was a great pick me up. And it was only 3.00


Here is to the future and new beginings!!!

Michelle wink


A former member
Post #: 2
Amy,
I am new to the group. The only reason I have been looking forward to today is because my Divorce Care group meets on Tuesday evenings. I am so happy that I will be with this group of people tonight. This is my first while seperated. I took the day off of work as well, I am going to spend a lot of time in the gym today to work away stress. Good luck, I feel your pain.
Scott
A former member
Post #: 136
Went to kickboxing this morning and signed up for the entire month! Gonna spend the rest of the day writing reports for school and doing the usual with the kids!
Tim
user 14011197
Westfield, WI
Post #: 5
"Being alone isn't so bad as long as you like your own company."
A former member
Post #: 35
A little after the fact I know but of course it strikes a note with me and so I must comment:)
Do we even need a reason to feel the oppressive loneliness that life sometimes throws our way? No it has it's way of hunting us down and pinning us to the message board so everyone can see us, there on view, alone! Sucks big time but add to that the occasion of a hallmark holiday and we magnify it's effect by an exponent only we can truly appreciate or quantify. My mates at work, female mostly and therefore carrying mixed feelings about my wife's infidelity and their desire to stand by another of their own gender; look at me with just a little more discomfort in their eyes on this fateful day. I found myself thinking at the time, "when I did have a partner to care about, did I actually not realize how devastating it could feel on a day such as this to not have a partner"; and I guess I didn't. It is such a blessing to have a forum like this to vent through! I sit in coffee shops sometimes when I have some time and I watch and listen and I'm aware of others around me in the middle of their complicated lives. Sometimes recovering from some devastation, sometimes unaware of life passing them by, and some in the process of causing others the particular flavor of pain that we have become so intimate with. The whispering and secretiveness seem to me to be a slap in the face yet I'm struck by their giggly nature and inability to not reach out and touch each other. The way my loneliness makes me want these shared moments to be a part of my life shows me that I to am capable of the same infidelity that I so abhor in my ex. The loneliness that I feel isn't accompanied by the tears as much anymore, the self pity is ebbing away slowly but surely. The knowledge that "I" like everyone else, just wants to be a part of the "we", is growing daily and I know that as I become more comfortable with being alone in my own skin, I become more able to deal with the feelings of loneliness in a more detached, unemotional way. I'm a strong advocate of expressing my emotions, yeah I know it's difficult to see that in me:), but in this area, I'm happy to be a little free of the turmoil this emotion causes in me. Still one of the most fundamentally primal of all the emotions for me and yet the least of which I seem to be able to cope with. Perhaps that the point I suppose, learning coping skills. All of which is to say, I'm right there with you Amy. Thanks for letting me find a way to alleviate my feelings of loneliness and insecurity guys.
Amy
AmyRenewed
Madison, WI
Post #: 39
Cal- "The whispering and secretiveness seem to me to be a slap in the face yet I'm struck by their giggly nature and inability to not reach out and touch each other. The way my loneliness makes me want these shared moments to be a part of my life shows me that I to am capable of the same infidelity that I so abhor in my ex."

I don't think wanting what you see is indicative of being capable of infidelity necessarily, although I think everyone has the potential to some degree and we choose how we behave. I believe what you want is the intimacy- even a couple that is dating free and clear has those moments, at least for a while. Believe me, I know the feeling of wanting what you describe! But it is usually just a minor part of the many things I want out of life at this point, which tells me it is a "want", not a true "need". And it can stay that way for a while, until I am ready to fall in love. (OK, I realize I just doomed myself. It never happens when you are "ready", right?)
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