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Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › Things I left out on my MSA- advice please

Things I left out on my MSA- advice please

A former member
Post #: 10
In hope that we would both continue to be fairminded individuals with our kid's best interests at heart, I left out some stuff in my MSA. I'm now trying to work with my ex to draft a stipulation to clarify some things and would love to hear how other folks dealt with the following issues:


  • Othodontia: do you treat this as medical (50/50) or as variable(varies dependingon percentage of placement)
  • Driver's ed and car insurance: do you split it 50/50 or is it a game of chicken as I'm fearing will be the case with my ex.. With one of us saying just flat out no to both and the other person eating full costs
  • College savings: did any of you map this out in any way? We did nothing and I'd like to spell SOMETHING out.


Finally, are there any things out there that any of you wish you had put into your MSA?
Optimistic C.
OptimisticChris
Madison, WI
Post #: 98
Hey J, et.al.

We have nothing on 1. & 2. in our MSA, although I suspect it is obligatory 50/50.
Regarding 3.
It is spelled out in our MSA that we each contribute a specific amount each month to the kids 529 education fund. Nothing earth shattering here at this time. Great questions though! I look forward to more answers.

OC
ps...
I have a similar/related question... what if one spouse makes more $$$ and wants to spend "high end" while the other is a little more conservative. For example, a child turns 18, one parent wants to buy a car and the other thinks it should wait a year. How to resolve?
Sorry to piggy-back on your question J.
A former member
Post #: 11
I don't know, if your kid had a wealthy godmother who said "I want to buy Suzy a new car for her 18th birthday" what would you say? No? I wouldn't! I would tell Suzy she is a lucky lucky girl and she should thank Aunt Martha profusely and take good care of the car. (then I would be thankful that Suzy wouldn't be ding-ing up MY car when she backs out of the driveway and into that telephone post)

Honestly, I'd be thankful if the higher paying parent wanted to buy a new car or whatever for the kids. My situation is a bit reversed where my ex thinks anything extra should be paid by me because A) he pays support (I have the kids more than 75% time) and B)since I work a second job that earns me a little more money than he does.

Right now if my daughter wants to join a sport (fees, equipment, uniform) or my son needs braces, I either need to eat the full cost or take my ex to court to get him to pay his part. To quote the kids: "Dad says he pays YOU to pay for that"

God help me when we get to driving and college.
Julie V
user 23239811
Madison, WI
Post #: 10
I'm so sorry your ex is being less than reasonable.

EVERYTHING - absolutely everything - is split 50/50 in our MSA with the exception of $150 I pay in 'child support' because I earn more. I also have great insurance coverage paid by my employer. We worked it out that I have the kids on my insurance, and I was given a "credit" (or my child support would be more). We list and email our monthly child expenses to each other and reconcile them each month. Child expenses do not include groceries or personal care products - those are consumed/used at each individual household. Child expenses include everything else, from a new shirt to expensive summer camps and uncovered health/dental costs.

Our 16 year old just had driver's ed, and is looking forward to having all 4 impacted wisdom teeth out.

We split the cost of driver's ed. We have a very old subaru our son can call his own, however, and we will, along with my son, share the cost of his insurance on his car. My husband and I decided that we would consider insurance on OUR cars for our son to be considered a household "consumable". I've decided not to insure my son as a driver of my car, but that may change when I feel I can afford it. His father is considering it, but his car has a lower insurance rate than mine. My son understands that we just don't have the money to spend on three different policies for him. If he didn't have a car - and I'm not sure how long it will last - we would probably both have him covered on each of our policies. Repairs to the car will be split between the three of us (we expect him to get a job this summer).

We're checking our insurance for wisdom teeth coverage, and we will split that cost.

College savings - we agreed we'd each pay a certain amount (same amount) per month to both our boys' accounts. If one of us wants to add more, that's our choice. The MSA says we'll make an addendum when our oldest goes to college and we figure out how we'll handle youngest's account and how we'll split the oldest's expenses.

I had such a great lawyer. There is not one thing I agreed to that I regret. I am so sorry your ex is using your kids expenses as a way to lash out at you. Stand your ground, don't get emotional - know that what your MSA says is legally binding. It may be worth it to take him to court if he doesn't abide by it and ask that he pay all court costs.

I had hope as well that we didn't need to put every little detail in the MSA - it just didn't seem necessary. But my lawyer insisted and said I'd be happy I did. She told me to keep track of the number of times I go to it to find out if something is in there. I have not had to look at it at all - because everything IS in the MSA and it is 50/50. No questions. Its in the document. Its one less thing to get stressed about, even when I feel like I'm always writing a check to my ex, I know that it is all for the boys and 50/50.


Jose
JoseNieves
Madison, WI
Post #: 35
I would say that Orthodontics is a medical expense which needs to be dealt with in the same manner that you dealt with other medical expenses on your MSA but it sounds like he is not willing to agree to it. There are times when the words "common sense" and "MSA" don't end up in the same sentence.

I am less than a month away from finalizing my divorce (Hmm.. Maybe I should have a huge-ass party to celebrate it wink ) and I'm happy that I hired a lawyer to help me with the MSA. First thing I did was tell her to come up with every plausible scenario and put it in the MSA. Weird things that in the beggining people were saying "That's never gonna be an issue.." have slowly crept up their ugly head.

Interestingly enough, we don't have anything related to a college fund in the MSA.. guess I need to shoot a quick email to my lawyer
Teresa
user 14918921
Mount Horeb, WI
Post #: 5
I was divorced 4 yrs ago. I am sorry for your pain. Divorce is never easy no matter how you slice it. My MSA stated that costs will be split 50/50-- it is what our judge felt was fair and I agree with him. However, I personally did not honor that agreement. I had the means to pay for additional costs and my ex-husband does not. So I pay for everything including college. I put my love for my children first and my feelings for my ex-husband second. I will always do what is right for my children versus who is paying for what. If you have the means to split it 50/50 that is fair. Co-parenting is very difficult but if always put your children first....you will never be wrong.
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