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Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › QOW #2: Are you happier now than you were five years ago?

QOW #2: Are you happier now than you were five years ago?

Laura
user 6540411
Group Organizer
Madison, WI
Post #: 38
It's time for another Question of the Week:

Are you happier now than you were five years ago?
Carolyn
user 8080883
Waunakee, WI
Post #: 12
Yes! As difficult as it was to go through a divorce I did not initially want, it made me realize how unhappy I was in my marriage. I have gained so much since the divorce - the best of which is some really great friendships that I think will last for a very long time. These friends have become lifesavers for me and have been there for me when I really needed them.

Another positive thing I've gained is time for myself. I can do what I want, when I want, if I want, without having to ask someone else. It is such a liberating experience!

I've also had time to find myself. In a long term marriage, a person can often forget who they are when they are busy being a spouse, parent, employee, etc.
A former member
Post #: 95
I couldn't remember so I looked at an online journal I have to see what I was writing in Sept. 2004. It was a very rocky time in my life even though I was dating my "soulmate". He was about the only thing that made me happy otherwise my life was a mess and I wish I had done things very differently. I did some very stupid things and made many mistakes (hey, I was still in my 20's. I'm wiser now ). I'm definitely happier now mainly because River makes me so happy :)

Ally
Alexandra
user 8166286
Madison, WI
Post #: 11
I would have to say yes, even though there's a long way to go towards the ideal level of contentment. Five years ago, even though I had not yet lost my beloved grandma, things were rather difficult. Between the little one, my grandma getting infirm and needy, and problems with my child's father, I had to leave my job because something had to give. I was being woken 6-9 times each night (!! I kept a log of it) and couldn't concentrate at work worth a darn. Although the choice was one I needed to make, it has had long term ramifications, especially in this economy.

One thing I have learned over the past 5 years is the importance of letting things go, or perhaps I should say, not taking them so much to heart in the first place. I am convinced that some people are born with this skill and others struggle our whole lives to acquire it. I'm not completely there yet, but I've made progress. It's one of the most important life skills one can have, in my opinion, and I ardently hope that my child will have more of it than I. I like the expression "like water off a duck's back"--that's how I try to deal with disappointments now.

If anyone has advice on how to inoculate a kid against future life disappointments (insofar as is possible), please let me know. Seriously--sometimes you hear some parents advocate for letting them experience some early so they learn how to deal with them, and others try to protect their kids from it to build up a strong foundation to deal with them later. I know there are no easy answers, but how do others "teach resilience"?
Rhonda
user 10768564
Madison, WI
Post #: 1
Right now I would have to say no I am not happier than five years ago. Things in my marriage didn't fall apart until 2008. Right now I am struggling extremely hard with the whole divorce issue. I did not want this divorce at all. I find myself depressed, extremely stressed out and unable to sleep. I am trying very hard to learn how to let go and move on by myself, but so far thats not going real well.
A former member
Post #: 2
I feel that I'm happier now then I've ever been. Every challenge I've faced has strengthened me and empowered me. I no longer sweat the small stuff and I am filled with joy and pride every time I look at my two little boys. Once I was able to let go of the anger, resentment and humiliation of my divorce in 2005, I was able to grow and blossom as a person.
A former member
Post #: 2
I am not happier than I was 5 years ago but at that time I was close to giving birth to my son. Hopefully in 5 years I will be much happier than I am today.
A former member
Post #: 33
Five years ago I was quite happy and content. Nothing is ever perfect and there were some rough issues with my marriage but overall I thought things were going pretty well. I had a lot to be thankful for. What I miss most is the pride I had in being a dad and part of a great family. The excitement related to the kids achievements and aspirations. The holiday traditions. Other family traditions. I can't say I'm happier now than five years ago but I do know that I'm happier now than I was last year. And last year I was happier than the year before. 2006-07 was definitely a very low period for me. So the trend is upward and that's what's important I guess.
Laura
user 6540411
Group Organizer
Madison, WI
Post #: 43
In many ways I am happier now, but not, perhaps, in others. I really don't have a clear answer one way or the other.
Kathryn
user 10588499
Madison, WI
Post #: 5
I would have to honestly say, no. But this year has been the toughest of my life. My ex is still difficult, I had shoulder surgery and lost my job, etc. I left my ex five years ago, and that was a tough time. Don't get me wrong: I am extremely happy I left him and can't imagine being with him! It was definitely the right decision for both myself and my son. I was fearful on a daily basis and no longer live like that. But I need a job, darn it! smile But I love being with my son and having my own social things to do. There is a lightness now and a strength to me that I didn't have before. We are both in a healthier spot. And I do realize that the situation I am in right now is temporary. I always have a concept that I keep in mind: "what goes down, must go up". Life is always up and down, and you come out of those valleys and it gives you a strong appreciation for the great times....and you truly and deeply enjoy those great times because of it. If life was always up, we wouldn't appreciate it. Those valleys teach you lessons and make you stronger. And sometimes what you think is a bad thing actually can turn out to be good. They door may close, but there is often a window that you have to find once the dust settles that can be an even better situation for you. In the meantime, I work on physically healing (which has come a LONG way! biggrin) and doing things that are happy and healthy for my son and myself....making sure to have my own time also for my own mental/personal health. And I keep looking for a job. wink I find beautiful things, great things, etc, and share them with my son and try to teach him the cup his half full and the world is beautiful if you open your eyes to notice it. I have a great life on many realms but need to work through things right now that I know will eventually work out.
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