Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › QOW #2: Are you happier now than you were five years ago?

QOW #2: Are you happier now than you were five years ago?

Jane L
user 9999308
Madison, WI
Post #: 5
Very unsure, as this year has really been one for the record books with the unemployment rate what it is and expenses just don't seem to 'go away' when income sources do. Overall, we do have to look at the good times we have had this year in my family to keep perspective. I am expecting to be happier by Fall of next year.
A former member
Post #: 78
Yup, soooooo much happier! Feeling like I am finally providing the example for my children that they should have had years ago!
A former member
Post #: 17
I would have to say no. 5 years ago the stbx and i were still in the infatuation "can't get enough of you" stage, heavy sigh :-(
A former member
Post #: 5
Most definitely!!!! I have gone through my share of obstacles, but I can say I am probably at the best point of my life. I feel I am a stronger person, mentally and physically. I have an awesome relationship with my son, my ex, his new wife, and my ex in-laws. I have developed some wonderfully powerful relationships with new friends. I am in a great job and I feel I am at a point that I will continue to focus on happy things and will continue to grow in so many other rewarding ways. biggrin
Mary A.
user 14361280
Madison, WI
Post #: 28
OH MY, ABSOLUTELY!!!! I have learned to make EVERY YEAR top the one before, and it's incredible!! It's a vow I make to myself, every birthday. We have to remember that no matter what goes on around us and with others, WE are still in control of our happiness! Sometimes we hold ourselves back and "punish" ourselves by either repeating the lifestyle/habits that are already making us unhappy and not allowing ourselves to grow...now that I'm at this point in my life, I realize it's such a waste of life.

We are in charge. You have to take charge of your life, no matter what. If you want something better, please take a moment every now and then to read my free inspirational notes on my website:

Notes from Mary Anne

Coincidentally, the last note I wrote is on taking back control of your life. I also put lots of ideas in my Facebook posts. As I said in today's FB post, be nice to yourself...you deserve better. Please friend me if you want a daily laugh or inspirational thought...the more we share, the easier it is...

Mary Anne's Facebook Page

Warmest Wishes you all let yourself reach for your happiness, a little more each day,

Mary Anne
A former member
Post #: 13
This is a difficult yes and no answer. I just left an verbally/emotionally abusive marriage of almost 18 years... with someone I have loved since I was 13... "Sigh" so he has been in my life for 29 years....

I know it is the best thing to be healthy and to start over. I have a lot of healing to do. A lot of undoing... Im in there somewhere...lol... Lots of anger from my teenagers, they don't understand, but with time, they will when as they see the healthier me emerging... as they chose to stay living with him... (he has the money :> ) I have been blessed with so much over the years that has prepared me and brought me to this point, given me strength and people placed in my path, I never could have been here on my own.

I am terrified, I am broke, I am underemployed, I moved across the country with nothing to be free. A very heavy price for my soul and peace of mind.

OH, and I am lonely. I miss my girls terribly and I miss him as well. Yes its true.

I don't miss the chaos, or the worry or the jumping every five seconds wondering what will happen next. But I miss the companionship of him, and his person in general.


I know that in the end it is better. I look back at pictures from 5 years ago and even though there are so many fun things we did as a family, we had a lot of laughter and I did all I could to take care of my kids; my eyes were empty, I was a shell of a person. A reflection of my soul. That is no way to live.

I am a positive person in general, I love life, abundance, and believe in the law of attatraction.

Little by little it is all coming back to me. Proving I have made the correct decsion.
I struggle everyday.
But I see the light coming back and I am starting to see myself again.
Optimistic C.
OptimisticChris
Madison, WI
Post #: 27
Michelle,

That is a very brave answer to put out there in public - but it shows you mean business. You will accomplish everything you dream of... and farther down the road - your kids will see it and appreciate it too.

I've said this before about myself... but I am certain it is true for you too...

That light at the end of the tunnel... well it's NOT a train! It is beautiful sunlight and you deserve it!

Be strong and keep moving forward.

OC
Sue
user 19379981
Prairie du Sac, WI
Post #: 9
Tough, tough question. Right now I would have to say no and yes. 5 years ago things had not started falling apart. We still were having lots of good times. This past year has revealed so much to me and has been very, very hard on me. However, I am really trying to work on ME. I am becoming aware of all the sacrifices I made and what it cost me. Now I am dealing with the ramifications of some of those choices. Never in a million years did I think my husband would cheat on me and I would be divorced after 26 years of marriage. I did not want a divorce, but I also did not want to share. So, my family and my life are NOT what I thought they would be. I thought God had brought us together and we could get through anything. I was wrong. I thought he was my soul mate, but I obviously was wrong. I am dealing with a lot of different and difficult things right now. But, I will say this group has been fabulous for me and meeting several of you and doing positive fun things has been so good for me. I am trying to change a lot of bad habits. I am becoming more self aware. I am seeing now that what I thought was so good really may not have been.Can you say denial? I am starting to come out of my shell and take ownership of my actions and move forward positively. I am a long way from finding the me I lost some where along the way. Everyday is another challenge, but I get up try to smile and move forward and learn something. I am growing in all sorts of ways and I that is a GOOD thing.

I am realizing that I am worthy and do deserve more. I am convinced that 6 months or even a year from now I will be so much better!!!
Mary A.
user 14361280
Madison, WI
Post #: 30
It saddens my heart so, to see so many of you so unhappy...I remember how it felt and how horrible I felt after I realized that just because I was divorced, I didn't need to punish myself. I regret all the time I wasted being unhappy. All I needed to do was to learn to stop being unhappy.

I wrote an entire book about how to do this...at least how to start doing this. Life is NOT MEANT to have any lingering sadness, no matter what's happened in your life. I know it's hard for many of you to believe, right now, but please, reach out for change...reach out for help in learning to be happy again!

My book is available through the library system, as are many, many others...I would also be willing to let the group pass around a copy, but once someone gets their hands on it, they tend to not want to give it up (I've had employees hoard it from a potential store owner that I wanted to see it). It's not a read-once kind of book, but a quick-reference to deal with something that's pulling you down at the moment.

Think about getting it from the library, go to a chapter on something that's in your way today, and just read a page or two and see if it doesn't help. Honestly, you can be happy, instantly, once you allow it. I wish there was more I could do now to help so many of you...I know there is a better way for you to live. There's also free notes on my website that may help. Be nice to yourself...you deserve it!

Some of you may want to be unhappy for a while, and again, I remember. But one thing you need to reconsider is all the people around you that you are NOT impacting in a positive way...life is not just about you...there are people all around you who are constantly affected by what you are and are not doing. So even if you can't pull yourself to doing it for you, think of those close to you and do it for them. (I thank God every day that I had 3 small kids reminding me of this, every day during my rough spots.) Make a positive change for them. All it takes is doing one thing that makes you happy...you'll get hooked and continue doing more and more of the things that make you feel great again.


Here's the link to my website, if you're interested: http://anniepress.com­
A former member
Post #: 38
Mary Anne- Everytime you talk I want more and more. The one thing for me though I've been divorced
going on three years soon and to a lot of people most I think I appear unhappy. I have to agree with that somewhat or well okay a lot but what is different is that I am in the changing direction I know what I want out of life and I won't live in a shadow or put up with anyone or anything bringing me down any longer. I may be unhappy but one thing for sure as sad as this is I am living more than I ever have in 30 years. Before i was unhappy no other emotion but now I am unhappy with hope, strength and learning alot about myself. I'm doing exactly what you recommend is to if I can't change myself at the moment I am helping others and I'm pushing myself and doing it for my daughter. I want her to be a strong independent confident take no shit kind of women. I havent bought your book yet but I am today and I'm going to save this book and give it to her before she leaves for college. I know she is 5. Do you ever do talking, support group leading anything where I can come hear you? Truly an inspiration to all.
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