Denver 's Best Dating, Mating, and Relating Group Message Board › Is Dating Dangerous?
|Mary Jo Fay, RN, M...||
Hey Savvy Singles,
Looking forward to seeing you all come out tonight to discuss Great Sexpectations with your fellow singles. Here's the link for more details and to RSVP: http://www.meetup.com...
Secondly, I thought I'd share my most recent blog here regarding "Is Dating Dangerous?" Let me know what you think … some good nuggets here. Please share with your single friends!
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As Valentine’s Day fades away, the flowers die, and the chocolates are gone, those broken-hearted souls who missed out having a happy experience with the Lover’s Holiday will likely turn once again to the Internet in search of a mate. Especially with the tantalizing ads for eHarmony, Match, and so many others virtually promising instant love and marriage to anyone with a keyboard.
Yet little is ever spoken about the dark side of Internet dating ... the blatant deceptions, the outright lies, and the dangers that lie within.
The Games People Play
If you’ve been on Internet dating for even a short period of time you’ve likely experienced total shock at least a handful of times, when you met that exciting someone who made your heart skip a beat from their profile, and yet in the flesh they were 15 years older and 50 pounds heavier, with a smoker’s cough and yellow teeth to boot!
File that one under “the games people play,” and you, my friend, got played. If you’ve not yet experienced this drastic difference in dating details versus reality, likely you will.
However, if it were only these mildly disturbing deceptions that one had to navigate in the dating minefield, it wouldn’t be too bad. But no - so much more can lie behind that computer screen that unsuspecting, naive, or desperate daters may fall blindly into, many risking more than just disappointment.
Just look at the success of the popular MTV cable show “Catfishing,” that depicts just how easily potential mates can con unsuspecting, hopeful daters leading to three seasons of this reality show depicting predominately misrepresentations designed to break hearts, get even, or get revenge from some other love scenario gone bad.
Or - sadly, simply someone with such low self-esteem that they couldn’t stick their own neck out on a truthful profile as they fear no one would ever accept them. Thus, a cyber relationship gives them at least something, or someone. Real or otherwise.
If you’ll remember the Manti Te’o story was pure dating deception. An imaginary cyber girlfriend who caused no end of heartache to a young man at the peak of his career. If it can happen to a football hero, it can happen to anyone.
But that’s not where it ends. “Romance scammers” are those imaginary Romeos who often promise love and marriage to the lovelorn, with the small request that they could really use a loan first to cover some outrageous expenses like surgery for Dear Old Mom or perhaps they got mugged while out of the country and need money to get back home.
A gal pal of mine almost lost her shorts on that one. Her Mr. Wonderful, whom she’d never even met in the flesh, begged for her “help” in the form of a $5,000 request. She was so “in love” with this creep that she actually went to the bank and attempted to get a loan for the full amount. Fortunately, her banker smelled a rat and turned her down. Still trying to help her poor sweetheart out, she sent him the last $500 she had available. Needless to say, she never heard from him again.
Odds are he works in some cubicle where he and countless other scammers spend eight hours per day trying to talk unsuspecting online singles into a “relationship.” Tapping her out, he’d moved on.
One guy emailed 30 gals in my dating group, using 11 different aliases but pretty much the same photo. He even tried out several careers, hometowns, etc. to see which might land him a likely victim. Fortunately one of my clients sent me his email to her, describing how beautiful she was, when in fact, she had never even posted a photo. Ooppss.
Dangerous and Deadly
And finally, the truly dangerous side to dating deception is those who do so for much darker reasons.
Sadly, each year sixteen thousand abductions, thousands of rapes, and a hundred murders can be traced back to Internet dating connections. While ten percent of sex offenders and twenty-five percent of rapists report finding their victims online.
One unlucky woman in Arizona was left for dead after being severely beaten by a man she met on Match.com only to discover that he had killed a former girlfriend once before. She’s now suing Match for what happened to her.
Yet, why are so many suckered into such dangerous tomfoolery? Basically, two reasons: First, there is an unspoken belief that the anonymity of the Net will keep you safe - after all, potential daters don’t have your physical address until you give it to them, right? Victims think if something gets weird, they can just pull the plug on the cyberspace relationship.Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
The second reason so many get suckered into these potentially dangerous situation is this: We are all searching for love. We want the fairy tale. So many are horribly depressed and downright lonely. And sometimes when love doesn’t come soon enough, we become desperate daters and with eyes wide shut, we plunge ahead despite the warnings, despite the red flags, and sadly, some end up with far more than they bargained on.
Remember, Internet dating, in and of itself, isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it is changing the way that we date, mate, and relate. It’s purely a numbers game, helping you connect with so many more people than simply hoping to run into Mr. or Ms. Perfect at Starbucks. And yes, it’s producing countless happy endings.
The lesson here? Become a Savvy Single. Learn to Date Smart. Make people earn the right to date you. Don’t just “settle” for anyone who happens to come along - especially if you’ve had a long, dry spell and there aren’t ten potential daters lined up to spend time with you!
But remember that these people you just met, as handsome and/or perfect as they may seem, are still strangers at the beginning. And you remember what your mama always told you ... don’t get in to cars with strangers - even if they’re offering you candy or a puppy!
Or in your grown-up situation, if they give you attention, sex, or the hope for love.
Let's be careful out there.
Check out my latest book, Blatant Deception, an erotic thriller based on true Internet dating events gone wrong. With a bad guy you'll love to hate from the get-go and some steamy s*e*x* scenes you'll want to share with your mate!
WARNING! FULL DISCLOSURE!
This book is not for the faint of heart! If you've had a bad Internet dating experience that has left you uncomfortable, if you're squeamish reading hot, passionate erotica, and if you can't handle watching the new with stories like Ariel Castro's abduction of 3 young women, then this book is NOT for you!
However, if you've ever wanted to know what goes on in the mind of of an actual predator, you've wondered why even smart women can get sucked into blatantly deceptive situations, you'll likely enjoy the twists and turns that this book leads you through, and at the same time it will change your Internet dating behaviors forever.
One more thing - I promise that you'll never look at co-ed cooking the same way ever again! Yummy!
Blatant Deception is available through BlatantDeception.com or Amazon.com - in both Kindle and softcover versions.
Mary Jo Fay