Santa just realized Santa did not announce Santa Rampage on this list, bad Santa! So here it goes Santa!!!
LAS VEGAS BURNING MAN WINTER SANTA RAMPAGE DECEMBER 14TH, 2013 AT 7PM.
THIS IS YOUR SURVIVAL GUIDE!
Welcome to the 9th annual Las Vegas Winter Santa Rampage!
DRESS UP OR STAY HOME, NO STREET CLOTHES.
Because we’re anticipating so many newbies again this year we’ve created this survival guide to help you have the most fun humanly possible and stay out of pitfalls and other trouble that you might not think about Santa. Even if you’ve been to every rampage here going back to 2003 please read this all because there’s a lot of information and tidbits in it.
HISTORY of Santacon:Santa Rampage, Santarchy, Santacon; call it whatever you want to- it was started by the San Francisco Cacophony Society 18 years ago as an exercise in ‘Culture Jamming’. That is basically fucking with people and bending the rules of normalcy. The Cacophonists have been responsible for many great events over the years, including the Billboard Liberation Front, Clown Attacks on ‘Mac World’, Pillow Fights, Billion Bunny March and many other sick and twisted projects too numerous too mention. They’ve even done some shit you CAN’T know about. In fact, most of the frivolity and silly stuff at Burning Man itself is a direct result of the Cacophonists. The DPW may have made Burning Man dangerous, but the Cacophonists made it fun. “You may already be a member!” The phrase ‘do-ocracy’ evolved from this ethos, that if you want something to happen then you need to make it happen http://www.cacophony.org/. Since it's not so humble beginnings Santa Rampage has spread literally all over the world from L.A. to London to Tokyo and everywhere in between. Here in North America there’s currently around 60 Rampages going every holiday season and some of them have several hundred Santa’s participating. Each Santacon has its own unique flavor and has adapted to its own local culture and legalities;Some Santa’s rent busses en masse and cruise the local shopping malls until they get thrown out by security, others gang up on the subway and get around that way, and still others meet in a local parks and walk as a mob through downtown areas or elsewhere. No matter where it happens, this mob that Santa forms is collectively known as ‘The Red Tide’. Don’t fuck with the Red Tide.http://santarchy.com/ or http://santacon.com/ you want more?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SantaCon
DRESS UP OR STAY HOME, NO STREET CLOTHES.
WHAT IS SANTA RAMPAGE? Our first Las Vegas Santa Rampage in December of 2003 had just SIX Santa’s. Now on a good night we’ve got well over two hundred Santas and we’re projecting about 250 for this one, yes, 250 fucking Santas Santa, can you believe it? “No force on earth can stop a hundred Santas"! Originally, the Vegas Rampages were held down by the Bellagio, on the strip, but about 7 years ago we started doing them on Fremont St because of the cheaper drinks, more venues, cheaper rooms, easier parking, and less walking between those venues. We have remained on Fremont St ever since. In Santa’s opinion there is no other location in North America that’s as cool as Fremont St here in Las Vegas for Santa Rampage; thousands of hapless drunken tourists, cheap drinks, numerous locations in close proximity, a real working topless bar, and cheap rooms combine to produce “the perfect Santa storm”. And trust us Santa; we rock the motherfucking house! HO HO HO bitches! In essence, Santa Rampage is a bunch of Santas dressed up in various holiday costumes singing naughty Christmas carols and going bar hopping. Gifts are given out to kids (with their parent’s permission of course) and adults, and numerous opportunities abound for merriment, mischief, and mayhem. NO ONE IS IN CHARGE at Santa Rampage and the answer to almost every question is, was, and always will be ‘SANTA”. Our power comes from our numbers and our ‘sameness’. This is a flash mob, only we don’t sneak up on you; we walk right in your front door be afraid, be very afraid!
WHAT IS SANTA RAMPAGE NOT? Santa Rampage is NOT A SPECTATOR EVENT!! DRESS UP OR STAY HOME, NO STREET CLOTHES!! ALL participants are expected to be IN COSTUME. Putting a Santa hat on over street clothes is NOT acceptable. Santa is not a group of people to be studied, photographed or observed. Santa is not a support system for your dumb ass who can’t handle his/her alcohol. Please make no mistake; Santa WILL leave your happy ass to your fate if you get into trouble. Santa is also NOT your friend unless you’re buying Santa a beer so fuck you Santa.
THE BASIC RULES OF SANTA RAMPAGE ARE AS FOLLOWS: Santa practices “The FOUR F’S”:
DON’T FUCK WITH KIDS
DON’T FUCK WITH COPS
DON’T FUCK WITH HOTEL OR CASINO SECURITY
DON’T FUCK WITH SANTA
We have learned how to do this pretty good in Las Vegas over the years so here are some tips to make THIS Santa Rampage a safe and enjoyable time…. or not.
* THIS IS A 21+EVENT and is NOT appropriate for children or minors. Santa is going bar hopping and also into a topless bar. If that offends you (snort) then wait outside and fuck with the populace until the next departure time (see below).
* BRING YOUR ID SANTA.
* DRESS UP OR STAY HOME, NO STREET CLOTHES.
* WEAR GOOD STURDY BROKEN IN WALKING SHOES OR BOOTS, this is about 2 miles of walking mostly on concrete. Those 6” spiked Santa boots may LOOK cool at your house, but after a few blocks you’re feet are going to be crying.
* BRING SOME SPENDING MONEY AND YOUR ID (again); even if you don’t drink alcohol or eat food you’re going to need a few bucks for a soda, snacks, smokes, or whatever. Plus we’re going into a working topless bar and these girls don’t work for free Santa. The management of that establishment is waiving our $20 cover and requesting that we all buy at least one drink or table dance. Most of our venues require IDs from every Santa so bring your ID Santa. (3rd time)
* YOU MUST BE IN COSTUME TO ATTEND. It doesn’t have to be a traditional Santa suit per se, but you’ve gotta be in some sort of (FULL) holiday costume. This can be a naughty little elf, Mrs. Santa, Reindeer, Grinch, Hanukkah Harry or a friggin’ Christmas tree ball- get it? dress as something Christmas, Santa! PUTTING ON A SANTA HAT OVER STREET CLOTHES IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Many Santas have spent weeks or months on their costumes, please don’t disrespect our effort by showing up in street clothes, you could be outed and ridiculed for your lack of enthusiasm! DRESS UP OR STAY HOME, NO STREET CLOTHES
* BRING GIFTS TO GIVE OUT, and lumps of (char)coal for the occasional rare asshole bartender, doormen and others never hurt either.
* RADICAL SELF RELIANCE IS IN EFFECT AT ALL TIMES. This means that YOU and YOU ALONE are responsible for your own well being including hydration. If you get too drunk or if you get into a fight, or get caught stealing something, or whatever, Santa will leave your happy ass to your fate. Santa doesn’t give a damn about your personal drama or issues because he’s got a schedule to keep (TBA).
* DRINK WATER/PISS CLEAR. Santa has learned over the years to control his alcohol intake to make it through this 6 HOUR LONG marathon event. This Santa’s drinking ratio is “2 drinks and 1 water” MINIMUM. That means if you drink two12 ounce beers, it’s time to drink ONE 12 ounce water.Put another way: “If you don’t have to pee then you’re already getting dehydrated”. This ensures Santa’s stamina throughout the entire evening. A good idea is to always carry water and refill it along the way. Truth be told, this Santa actually drinks LESS each year and has MORE fun ACTING drunk then really BEING drunk. It’s your call however Santa, if you want to get completely plowed in the first hour go right the fuck ahead because Santa doesn’t give a fuck about a fucking Santa, Santa. That being said…
* STAY TOGETHER AT ALL TIMES. While ‘No force on earth can stop a hundred Santa’s’ might be true, there’s a lot of forces that can stop one or two Santa’s, Santa. Not everyone likes Santa Santa, and there are a lot of drunken frat boys and yahoos down on Fremont St. Stay with the group, follow the schedule (see below) and use that power in numbers. Remember, if you wander off and get into some sort of trouble, Santa will leave you.
* DON’T FUCK WITH LITTLE KIDS!! Kids take Santa VERY seriously Santa. NOTHING and we do mean nothing, says “please kick my ass Dad” like making a little kid cry. ALWAYS ask parents permission before giving a toy or gift to a little kid. This Santa’s personal tip: avoid little kids like the fucking plague.
* DRESS UP OR STAY HOME, NO STREET CLOTHES. Putting on a Santa hat over street clothes is just fucking lame and lazy. You’re not lame and lazy, are you Santa? Please don’t disrespect Santa by showing up in street clothes.
* DON’T FUCK WITH THE COPS OR SECURITY!! These casinos don’t give a fuck about Santa. We are an annoyance at best and a threat to their operations at worst. IF security asks us to leave WE LEAVE. Then we wait out front for the next departure time per our schedule (see schedule below). The best course of action is to stay in a tight group at all times. This isn’t always possible because of distractions like people taking photos with Santa etc and the size of this mob, but if we all make a conscious effort the whole thing works much better.
WHO ARE WE? AND ANSWERS TO OTHER STUPID QUESTIONS:
NO ONE IS IN CHARGE SANTA, STAY IN CHARACTER AT ALL TIMES SANTA. We know it’s tempting to break character and talk to those friendly gawking tourists from Idaho about ‘who we are and why we’re doing this” yeah? FUCK THAT! The answer to almost every question ever asked is, was, and always will be “SANTA”. Here are some examples of this, Santa: “Who are you guys?” We’re SANTA!
“Why are you doing this?” Because I’m fucking SANTA (use of the word ‘fucking’ is entirely optional and based on local customs and level of intoxicants)!
“Who is in charge here?” SANTA!
“Why is that guy peeing in a flower pot?” Because he’s muthafuggin’ SANTA
“Who’s paying for all of this beer?” SANTA!
See a pattern here SANTA? YOU are not in charge and no one speaks for Santa except Santa, Santa. This takes a little practice to get into for most people, but here in this venue, you are not YOU, you are SANTA, SANTA.
HOW DO WE MOVE?
10 MINUTES before we leave a venue we will start telling all the Santas “10 minutes”. Please pass it on to the Santas all around you, LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN PLEASE PASS IT ON TO THE SANTAS ALL AROUND YOU! This helps Santa be ready to move and ensure Santa stays together. The words ‘SANTA HOOOOOOOO’ bellowed through the bullhorn means we’re moving NOW! ONE KEY TO LAS VEGAS SANTA RAMPAGES is ‘efficiency of movement’. We’ve learned over the years how to do this and often there are dwadling Santa’s still waiting for drinks when we start to move to the next location. So: GET IN, GET YOUR DRINK ON OR GO PEE, AND GET READY TO MOVE. Don’t make this location your camp, this is temporary and before too long we’re all moving with or without Santa, Santa. We don’t stay in any one location for very long and that’s part of the fun of Santa Rampage. Make sure you EAT DINNER and HYDRATE before Santa Rampage.
DON’T STEAL FORKLIFTS. Stealing forklifts is wrong mkay?. They don’t go very fast anyway and yes though they can pick up a car, this puts others at undue risk. Don’t do it.About the Ziplines; There is a zipline on Fremont St that flies over the crowd. While you may be tempted to go do this, please be aware of the wait times involved. (usually 1-2 hours). It costs money and Santa will not wait for you either Aerial Santa. However this Santa thinks a picture from the hipline looking down at Santa would be cool if Santa does go do this, hint hint.
ROOMS ROOMS ROOMS!!!Over the past couple of years, getting a room for SANTA RAMPAGE has become popular with many Santa’s Santa. It makes sense and certainly prevents DUI’s or worse, Santa. Plus if at any time Santa Rampage becomes ‘too much’ (pussy) you can retreat Santa and whine like a little bitch ass elf until you feel like rejoining Santa back out on Fremont St. Santa.Santa is working on a discount room rate downtown for Santa. It will be announced so keep your ears open or just book a room now.
COSTUMES COSTUMES COSTUMES!You’re kidding me RIGHT Santa? You REALLY DON’T have a Santa/Elf/Reindeer suit yet?! Damn, slack ass Santa go now and get one! Halloween Mart 6230 S. Decataur (800) 811-4877. Star Costume 3230 S. Valley View[masked]
PARKING: It is available all around Fremont. The Four Queens will validate your ticket at the casino cage at the end of the night as will Binion’s.