Re: [volleyball-69] Email

From: Michelle
Sent on: Monday, July 2, 2012 10:04 PM
Well said Chuck ...

Michelle Bonus

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----- Reply message -----
From: "Chuck" <[address removed]>
To: <[address removed]>
Subject: [volleyball-69] Email
Date: Mon, Jul 2,[masked]:01 pm


I haven't been out to play in many months, but I was one of the first players when the group was formed.  I have noticed a big change lately.  It's happened at every group I've ever played with.  It starts out with casual people having fun.  Next better players start showing up.  At first they put up with the beginners and old fat guys like me.  Next they start forming little teams so that when they play they only set each other and ignore even the intermediate players.  The next step is they start forming super teams that dominate and are unbeatable.  At this point they start telling other players they aren't welcome on their team.  The last step is more good players find out about the group and start showing up in pre-formed teams and suddenly average players are not allowed to play at all.  

Don't think that can happen to this group?  Think again!  That's exactly what happened at the Glendale gym.  Mark from our group arranged for that gym in the first place, and at first it was heaven for intermediate players.  I went every Thursday night for two years and saw the change.  The happy mood changed to one of bullying and insults.  One By one the nice players dropped out, but i refused to let the bullies Unman me.  On the last night I ever went there the entire gym was full of preformed teams.  I dont know where they all came from but they took the place over. Five or six of us intermediate and beginners we're told no, you can't be on our team by every single team.  And these were teams with four or five players, but they refused to let us play!  They let us form a team of our own.  Then they smashed balls into our faces and laughed and strutted about like we were worthless old men.  Some of these people had been nice to me mere weeks before but once bullying takes over the worst in people comes out.    So there I was, a forty five year old adult man, being humiliated by a gym full of cocky competitive athletes!  It was horrible!  I felt like I was ten years old again. 

Why did it happen?  Because Nobody was in charge and There were no rules.  So the loudest and rudest players changed the rules and ran everyone else off. And the pushiest players are invariably the ones who want to rule the schoolyard.

I see the same thing creeping into the Pasadena group, though it's taking longer than it took at the gym.  I see teams forming made up of friends who only play together, no lesser players allowed.   I have played with People refusing to set me for hour after hour, in spite of the fact that I can spike okay.  I've seen People yelling at clumsy players.

This group was formed with the intent that all adults can play.  Sure, some beginners show up because we are open to all!  But the fair thing is to spread them through the teams not force them all to play on one horrible team so they never learn how to improve.  And no team should be allowed to turn players away as long as they have room.

Anyway, I understand why better players may prefer to play together, but the original letter writer gave the logical solution:  buy your own net and make your own meetup group!  Nets aren't that expensive.  Why isnt that a good solution?  If that's not what you want, then play nice with the rest of us!  (this isn't a note for all the great players, by the way.  Julio, for example, is the paragon of playing fair!  He shares the ball with everyone in spite of being an Olympic level super player!)

And intermediate players stand up or you will lose this group!  The day will come that they tell YOU to start your own group!  Don't stop coming!  Don't let bad attitudes drive you away!  Don't yield the field!

(by the way, bad feet drove me away, not bad attitudes.  But it made it hard to stick around sometimes)

Chuck Ballew


Sent from my iPhone

On Jul 2, 2012, at 3:05 PM, Tiffany <[address removed]> wrote:

Hello,


In seeing the email also, I’m not sure that it was directed in a general towards everyone way so much as it seemed to focus on some of the players who have changed the dynamic of the group for the negative. It is very unfortunate that this is what it takes to bring light to a problem that has been brewing between folks for a long time now. There has been dialogue about this; the problem is nothing is being done about it. The same people continue to come with the same poor attitude despite anyone’s displeasure. They know exactly who they are what they’re doing. For me personally, I have been very vocal and direct with people who cross the line (especially with me) but still there is little change. 


There should be some definition on meetup announcements regarding skill level. Beginners must understand that while they are welcomed, playing is more than just hitting the ball any type of way and that it is required to learn the basics and up their skill a little bit. This information is not conveyed when people are looking for a new volleyball group to join so they don’t really know what to expect. 


Intermediate to advanced players in this group should try and set better examples (well everyone should but you know what I mean) when something isn’t going right on the court. For example, a very skilled teammate told me, "in noticing your position when setting if you turn particular way you set yourself up to improve x y z etc etc".  That is constructive and with that someone is more prone to actually listening. With the verbal attacks, the spotlight is being put on the player not playing doing well and some people in that situation get so shocked that they are at a loss of words. Whether the email was needed or if it’s a matter of right or wrong on how it was sent, or who sent it, agree to disagree the bigger issue here is how court “conduct” as it was put is affecting others. People start out being nice then all of a sudden they are totally different and it is very noticeable. Only so much you can do to help that I guess and it seemed to affect this person a great deal sadly.


As a group, we need to re-evaluate and figure out a way to make a better vb environment. No one wants to leave feeling like the bottom of the barrel.


Now, there should be healthy discussion if there is blatant misuse of the ball while in play. You know like, kicking the ball into the goal on the end of the soccer field, purposely setting the ball in a direction other than up, spiking the ball to take out small children on the playground (im jk), getting all Michael Jordan holding the ball and slam dunking it, you know stuff like that. :)


Tiffany



On Sun, Jul 1, 2012 at 11:19 PM, Marco & Liz <[address removed]> wrote:
My name is Marco and I have been a member of the GPVC for a couple of years now and although the author of this email has some valid points that I agree with in essence, I completely and utterly disagree and resent the way this email was worded and the tone that was used.
It was written with sarcasm, passive-aggressive wording and was in general geared, not to try and open up dialouge and let others weigh in, but to let the author shout their venom at the entire group, whether they "deserved' it or not. It was cowardly unsigned and intentionally disallowed for any response, which tells me this person doesn't know how human relations work in areas of conflict and resolution. Things don't get better because someone yells at others, but they do get resolved when we talk and everyone gets to be heard and we agree on a course of action. After all this is a social meetup group, and I suggest we let people talk it out.
 
But yeah, the spitting has to stop.:)
 
Marco




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