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Davis Writer's Salon Meetup

  • Apr 29, 2014 · 7:00 PM
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Thank you for joining Davis Writers Salon. Each week, we pick two submissions to read for the following week. Please come to the meetup prepared, having read the two submissions from our writers. These are typically 10 pages, double-spaced. You can find these under the "Files" link under the "More" tab. Make sure to be logged in to see the most recent (usually the top two). Be prepared to offer both positive feedback and constructive criticism.

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  • John M.

    Thanks people. I thought about the issue with my characters sounding the same in dialogs, something I have heard regularly. So I am considering a stock phrase for Sabon, something along the lines of, "Holy shit Batman." Without the Batman.

    1 · April 29, 2014

    • John M.

      What's in my mind is a small collection of incredibly capable people on the top of their game, except in the area of their emotions. They are befuddled occasionally, challenging each other. Sabon is experienced, Marlaya is not. Marlaya is empathetic, Sabon is not. The actions and interactions are fine but the flavor... All the same color donuts.

      April 30, 2014

    • Robin Wing D.

      Bad-ass warrior donuts.....I feel a sequel on it's way......Just think of the bleeding jelly scenes!!!

      2 · April 30, 2014

  • Shirley H.

    First, I apologize for butting in in the middle of the "movie" & spouting off on something whereof I don't know all the details but do get the gist! My take on the situation:

    I would say that going from inside out on your characters might be better than trying to fix what's there from the outside. The idea Robin has about reading period stuff & looking at the way the dialog differs from character to character is a very good idea. (continued)

    April 30, 2014

    • John M.

      Yes, for whatever reason, I have had a devil of a time reading stuff. Doesn't seem to matter which book, nothing has grabbed me like my writing. Diligence required.

      April 30, 2014

  • Shirley H.

    (last time! continued)I think sometimes actors &, by extension, writers get too out of their own emotions to make what they are doing sound &/or feel real. So easy to tell you, much more difficult to do! Try it–or, if you want, tell me to stop pontificating, go away & leave you alone! ;D

    Regards–& admiration for your actually WRITING stuff. Maybe you could give me a tip or twenty-nine (or many more) on how to do THAT!

    April 30, 2014

    • John M.

      Thanks for the pointers, Shirley. Yes, write it first. My advice? Some say, don't let the sun go down on your anger. I say, don't let your head go down until you've written at least a page. Could be anything but it has to be something.

      April 30, 2014

  • Shirley H.

    Accck! I put the thing in backwards. If you want to read it in the first place, start with the bottom of the comments from me and read toward the top. My brain is a bit sluggish from being rattled around by all the hacking and chuffing from this @#$$%^&&**!! cold!

    April 30, 2014

  • Shirley H.

    (continued—can you stand it?) That should give you a better idea of what's going on. I would also rent a lot of period movies & take note of the different deliveries from various classes of society & how the plot changes the delivery of each character, if it does or doesn't, etc. Just use your ears a lot. How does what people are saying & the circumstances in which they are speaking affect what they say & how they say it? As an actor, I have always found observation–eyes & ears–to be the best teacher of character definition. That & asking myself how I would feel personally if I were in that situation & was that person. Sounds corny, but it works.

    April 30, 2014

  • Shirley H.

    What is the current draft you're working on? If it is first, just finish the thing. Then analyse your characters. Write a study (for your eyes only) of each character describing exactly who they are: looks down to the warts & wrinkles, how they walk, what they think of themselves, what the other characters think of them, how important they are in the scheme of things; then, creep into their minds: what are they after, who they do & don't like, love or hate, what they think of their position in life & why, whether they are right or wrong & why, etc. THEN decide how & what they would say & how & why they would say it.

    April 30, 2014

  • Shirley H.

    Hi all! Will miss you guys—again. Someday, I'll get my lungs and voice back. Meantime? grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    April 29, 2014

  • MP S.

    Just got back from 4 days in L.A. Came home to too much work and too little time. will miss you all.

    1 · April 29, 2014

    • margo king l.

      Wahhh. Hope you find time to write soon, Busy Lady ... miss you!

      1 · April 29, 2014

    • MP S.

      Me, too, Margo! Miss you!

      1 · April 29, 2014

  • Judy G.

    John's file is not RTF; it will not "appear" for me. Hope this can be rectified so that I can enjoy the read!

    April 29, 2014

  • margo king l.

    Chris & John have fearlessly offered to submit their work Apr 29 ... Thanks, guys!

    1 · April 23, 2014

    • John M.

      Stalwart? Must have the wrong fellah.

      April 23, 2014

    • margo king l.

      Solid, hard-working, steadfast? That's you, fellah.

      1 · April 23, 2014

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