We are a local chapter of the International Organization BAN, Beyond Affairs Network. Our mission here is to run face to face support meetings for spouses who have been betrayed by their partners by bringing an extra marital affair into their lives and relationships. This is because BAN has found face to face support meetings a very successful model that has been so beneficial for fellow betrayed spouses over the years. Many wounded spouses and partners feel so all alone and know not what to do or who they can turn to. Many even believe that they might be losing their own mind or sanity. You are NOT insane and this is NOT your fault! What you are experiencing unfortunately is an all too normal part of the process and reactions to the devastating emotional traumas that you have been subjected to during the various acts of betrayal against you by your partner or spouse.
You Need Not Suffer in Silence or Isolation Any Longer. We are Here and We Do Understand. Please don't try to go it alone. It is not your fault that your partner went and engaged in an affair. Nobody can make another person have an affair. These offenses that you have been subjected to have most probably cut you to the bone and wounded you down to your inner core. Now you deserve the best care you can provide for yourself on your difficult journey of recovery.
You probably feel like most or all of your life is beyond your control at the moment and you can't seem to find a way back to your natural center. Again this is very normal, upsetting and concerning but very normal. So do yourself a favor and take the first important positive step in regaining some sense of control over your own life, your own health, your own well being and and your own peace of mind. Please come and join us at our meetings.
We also want to let you know some important facts right off the top. As much as most people swear prior to experiencing the betrayal of an affair that they would certainly leave or "throw the Bum out", this is usually NOT the case. A majority of couples actually try to stick it out and stay together. Certain research shows that perhaps as many at 68% of couples remain married and stay together even after the discovery of an affair by at least one of the two spouses. And that many of these couples actually do report that in the long run (after a lot of pain, introspection, sharing, healing and reconciliation) that they feel their marriage is stronger and healthier after the long process of recovery and reconsiliation. So we really want to stress the fact that there is Hope that you and your spouse can actual save your family and your marriage. There certainly are No Guarentees, but there really is good reason for Hope that you can heal yourself and your marriage.
Lyn and I were just talking the other night and we felt it was important to share this with all of you upfront. And that we feel and many years of experience of all of BAN is that the sooner you start to get involved with something like BAN and to educate yourself about the dynamics at play in a marriage being distorted and stressed to the max by an affair, the better your chances are at possibly saving your marriage mostly because you can avoid all the many all too common mistakes and pitfalls that come with the turf here. And again, PLEASE, Don't Blame Yourself!!! None of us were properly instructed in how to deal with all of the stresses, distortions and misinformation associated with living thru all that comes with an affair in one's marriage.
As a matter of fact, it is more and more becoming the consensus of many of us involved with assisting and supporting others who are attempting to heal and recovery from their spouses' affairs that many perhaps even the majority of professional counselors who have nothing but sincere intent to do welll by their clients; that even they are not nearly as well informed as they need to be to assist many couples properly negotiate the mindfield that comes with the territory here. And that sometimes they can almost do more harm than good.
Now we are NOT in any way implying that you should not seek out top quality counseling for yourself, your spouse or family, or your marriage. we strongly suggest and advice people to do just that, to go find a top quality couselor for themselves and their marriage. But we do want to convey the fact that even the best of intended and credentialed professionals in the fields of marital therapy and personal counseling are still wrestling with coming to terms with how to best view and deal with how to assist couples and families caught up in the confusing and stressful, no less dysfucntional mess that is a marriage and family in the midst of an affair.
So One: please shop carefully and do your homework. And be willing to talk to more than one person before settling on a counselor for yourself or your marriage.
And Two: the main point here is this. If the professionals are still wrestling with how to best deal with this extremely complicated and confusing problem, then how can we on either side of this confusing issue be expected to deal with it perfectly before we become educated ourselves and start to understand all of the complicated issues at play in any given affair stessed marriage???? So Please, cut yourself and perhaps even your confused and fogged out, wayward spouse half a break, OK??? Good.
And lastly we urge you as politely yet as firmly as possible to PLEASE get involved with us and our meetings as soon as you can. The sooner you start to understand the processes and dynamics at play, the sooner you can start to clear your own head, make positive progress in your own life and hopefully you own marriage, no less start the long but worthwhile journey of healing and recovery.
So, we really hope you will join our group and attend our support meetings, so we can share this truly challenging and difficult journey together and gain strength that comes from sharing ones burdons with supportive and understanding others. We look foward to meeting and getting to know you in person very soon.
We Will Recovery, Survive and Heal from this Together. Welcome Aboard & Try to Hang in There. To your Good Health.
Paul & Lyn
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