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Who can I piss off today e-mail

From: Dave G
Sent on: Monday, June 10, 2013 4:40 PM

Dear Celebrate Members:

A member who left the group today sent this message: "Frankly, too many emails.  I probably get 3 on a slow day and 10 on a normal day.  I have email  settings turned off, but it happens when organizer update a meetup and send a notification, etc." For what it is worth, I do not send updates but that is besides the point.

As is typical of a former member who leaves complaining about e-mail, this former member's attendance record was:  0 RSVP  0 Attended.  Thus the net loss to attendance at events is zero.  I gather the intent of the message was to show me the damage e-mails do.  My actual reaction?  Yawn.

The very fact that I send this e-mail out will lead a few members (again, having never really participated anyway) to leave the group. Celebrate Atlanta is the most active meetup group in the United States and the only meetup group in Atlanta in the top 60.  Activity equals e-mails.  If I had a different way of conveying information I would use it. I thought about having Paul Revere ride through town saying "A Celebrate Atlanta Meetup Is Coming" but sadly found out that he is deceased.  Skywriting turns out to be too expensive and having smoke signals sent into the sky is too dependent on the wind. Therefore, e-mails will have to do.  However, in the near future, we will be offering a free seminar providing detailed instructions on how to press the delete key. In the meantime, if you want to cut down on e-mails, go to your e-mail settings for Celebrate Atlanta (go to accounts, then to e-mail, then click on CA e-mail settings) and un-check any type of e-mail you do not want to receive, including the dreaded comments.  To me that seems a better way to take care of this issue rather than going bat guano because you received a deletable e-mail.

In any event, being the way my minds works, I thought what better way to respond to complaints about e-mails than to send an e-mail. After all, I do not want to leave the complainers with nothing to do.

Now to the real purpose of this e-mail (other than to piss off the e-mail lugnuts).  We have two major baseball games posted.  One is July 4th and includes the fireworks at Turner Field.  The other is July 13 and includes a free Steve Miller Band Concert.  Right now we have 45 attending July 4 and 92 attending July 13.  I will be closing these games to additional ticket purchases soon so if you want to attend at our heavily discounted price, you need to sign up and purchase your tickets (when you click going, you will be required to pay to confirm your going status).

On another subject, I want to apologize to one of our no shows from last week.  We had promised to return the ashes of the no shows we burned at the stake to family and apparently we returned one member's ashes to the wrong address. On a positive note, the fires did provide a great opportunity for toasting marshmallows.

Speaking of no shows, here are some excuses that I might (emphasize "might") except for a no show:

I am too upset to attend. People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
I'm making a home movie called "The Many Benefits of Having Long Ear Lobes."
I just picked up a book called "The secret love life of fire ants" and I can't put it down.
I'm trying to be less popular.
You know how we psychos are.
You're ugly, I'm busy, have a nice day.
I need to spend quality time with my new mechanical pencil set.
I cannot hang out with you because I only hang out with my own species.
My dog had baby kittens.
I told my car I would spend the night with it and tenderly rub wax into it's body.
I've had a better offer, a friend is coming over to set fire to my head.
I'm busy cleaning the blood off my axe.
There's a four hour TV special on trimming shrubbery.
You are extremely unattractive. Sorry, someone had to tell you.
I have to organize my underwear.
Sorry, I'm dead.

Finally, I want to repeat something I said in the past.  We have added so many new members, I thought should be repeated.  When you ask someone out and they say they joined the group to meet friends, not to date, do not despair.  If you could read their mind, here is what they are actually saying: Hell yeah, I want to meet someone.  However, I would rather ride a porcupine butt naked down a bumpy road than go out with you. Keep meeting members and you never know what will happen. If all else fails, I tried something once and it worked.  Here is an actual quote from a woman I once dated. " I went out with Dave because I thought it was very considerate for him to bring my seeing eye dog a box of biscuits.

Thanks

Dave G

 

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