Geek Girls of San Diego Message Board › How To: Zombie Apocalypse Survival Discussion
|A former member||
Tell me that you don't have a plan to survive the zombie apocalypse and I'll immediately call bullshit. Every geek has one (or should, because the CDC released its own zombie survival instructions ages ago). So let's have it! What are you going to do when the hoard's knocking on your door?
Note: this is a discussion. Meaning that while I'm going to be going on at length about what I'd do (and on... and on... and on some more... hint: you're going to get really sick of me talking), I'm more interested in hearing what you'd do. And then debating it with the ferocity of a Trekkie doing battle with a Whovian over who's obsession is more awesome (to which I'll remain impartial, so I don't start an incident).
Disclaimer: I have an acidic wit (which is another way of saying that my idea of what's funny is often insulting to others) to rival an Alien's freaky green blood. Sadly, while I may not have the pleasure of bursting out of people's chests, I do occasionally come bursting out of left field with my comments/examples. You will hear (well, read) me swearing from time to time, but I do it within context, and not gratuitously.
Also, do not to be alarmed if I try to hug your face. Just let it happen.
Edited by User 42,162,962 on Feb 25, 2013 1:39 AM
|A former member||
I was hoping not to be the one to start this. I wanted other people to go first so I could rip on them-- I mean, so I could... I could...
Okay, fine: so I could rip on them. Because others are wrong. Of course, that's what everyone thinks about their own opinions.
Question: If you flipped on the news and saw that the zombie apocalypse had begun, what's the first thing you would do?
I typically assume 2 things about the Zombie Apocalypse. 1) That the zombie infection has been spreading quietly, and is already rooted in my city, and 2) That people are going to freak out and head for wherever they think is safer than their home, be that a mini-mall, church, grocery store, gun store, hospital, military base, or any other common retreat during a zombie apocalypse. Because hey, some of them have probably seen the same movies I have, right?
However/whenever World War Z (yes, the book) begins, I'm going to be at home. And there's a reason for that.
Here's an exercise: think of 5 disaster movies where people have even 5 minutes to themselves before "it" hits (volcanoes, space aliens, impossible weather extremes, zombies, whatever). What does everyone do? If you said, "They take to the streets like stampeding cattle, blocking all the roads with their vehicles, and then abandoning them like dick holes so the people in the cars behind them are stuck too," then... well, you're correct (and who cares, because this isn't a game show).
See, there's a problem that gets overlooked a lot when geeks talk about zombies. They tend to assume that the world has already gone to hell, and they are one of only a few survivors (if they're not a "lone wolf" in this fantasy). But that's point B. No one ever considers point A, which is, "How are you going to survive the first week?"
Forget leaving the house for supplies: the moment the unwashed masses (I can rip on my own!) start milling around in the streets, things are going to get ugly. In the words of the Ghostbusters, "Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes... The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!" Okay, so like... 2 of those are applicable to this scenario (maybe 3; I know I'd kneecap someone if it meant the horde would go after them... which I guess counts as human sacrifice). It still works! Are people running in panic because there's a zombie down that street, or because some guy opened fire on the crowd, mistaking some them for the undead? That woman: is she bleeding because she tripped and cut herself on something, or was she bitten? Is that guy staring at me because he's shell-shocked or because he wants my brains? Are all these people going to the mall, because that's where I'm going, and if they are I have to get there first! Add some wanton destruction, a dash of looting, a pinch of depravity, a twist of insanity, and cook at batshit-crazy degrees until brown around the edges. Forget the police, firemen and paramedics: they've gone home to protect their families. If the military's still intact they've probably got their hands full just trying to contain the outbreak. You should be grateful if they don't just bomb the city and call it a day.
That, my friends, is a perfect recipe for utter chaos.
So I come back to where I was before, and the answer to the first question (also green). The first thing I'd do is stay home. But don't think I'd be idle: every available receptacle in the house would immediately be filled with water (the ultimate assumption being that eventually the water will turn off, be it in a month or that very same day). Windows would be boarded, supplies would be inventoried, strategy would be discussed among my family members. In short, for the first week following an outbreak my family and I would be huddled together in the center of the house, monitoring the situation outside as best we could and defending against any would-be intruders.
Fire away! Shower me with your comments, questions, concerns, scorn, ridicule, what have you! This subject is way too big for me to detail every last thing I'd do when faced with zombies (and it's not just about me; I want to hear what everyone else has in mind). I need ideas for a direction to go in!
Edited by User 42,162,962 on Feb 25, 2013 1:42 AM