Four mothers are sitting in a salon. They are talking about abortion. The Catholic mother says abortion is wrong because a fetus is a human being from the moment it is conceived. The Protestant mother objects, saying it's not a human being until after the first trimester. The Jewish and Muslim mothers object, saying it's not actually a human being until it graduates from medical school or law school.
So, yes, I am aware we are supposed to have a problem with each other. But, in a little over a month, we are all going to have the same problem. Christmas is just over a month away, which means Christmas Eve is coming, which means we are all going to be wondering what on earth we are supposed to eat until the rest of the Goys get back to work. Fortunately for those of us who are Muslim, this is a problem the Jews have solved apparently quite some time ago. And, seriously, Chinese food isn't even all that bad.
So, if we're all going to be eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve, I propose we all do so together. I don't know how much interest there will be in this but I was thinking we could set up tables of six with three Muslims and three Jews at each table, assuming we get enough people to fill at least one table.
Of course, conversation between strangers is always awkward. And then there will be the whole "do I tell her what I think about Israel or should I ask if she will invite me to the next secret convention for world domination?" problem.
As such, to keep conversation flowing, I propose we not dance around the issues and just be honest about this whole Israel-Palestine thing that we're all supposed to be so mad about. I think what is missing from the debate is empathy. I therefore propose we discuss the following.
1. Empathy for the Palestinians. If empathy is about putting yourself in the shoes of the other person, then let's start the conversation by putting ourselves in the shoes of a Palestinian. Suppose you're a Palestinian and you really hate those Jews on the other side of that wall. I can understand that part. But why throw rocks?
If you want to hurt someone, why not throw a brick or something heavy? If the concern is aerodynamics, why not throw golf balls? Why rocks? And, if you're going to throw a rock at someone, how do you figure out which rock to throw? Does it depend on how much you dislike the particular person you want to hit? Or does it just depend on the availability of rocks? Also, where the hell do you find rocks anyway? Or do you buy them on Amazon and then carry them around with you everywhere in case you see a Jew you don't like? Aren't rocks heavy though? Does this not sound like a seriously difficult problem to solve? Why does anyone go through the trouble of harassing Jews when there's seriously probably enough porn on the internet to keep a person busy for probably four lifetimes and when there are enough people you can troll on the internet that you could seriously forget to sleep for a week if you were in a room that didn't have a window? Does this behavior really make sense?
2. Empathy for the Israelis. Suppose now that you're Israeli. You hate those damn Palestinians. I get that part. But why blockade them into never being able to leave a place when the whole idea should be to just get them all to leave? Why send your navy out to enforce a blockade and then constantly have Druze soldiers collecting intelligence and then getting caught and then you have to send all these soldiers who would probably rather just be left alone so that they could just kill a few hours on Instagram into a massive war zone and risk a whole bunch of lives? Does this make sense to you?
Why not just offer a $10,000 prize for any Palestinian who manages to escape from Gaza? Hell, why not have the Mossad help people escape? Give them some fake French passports, put them on an airplane, and then just send them on their way to a country where the government needs only to see your passport before it will give you enough welfare to make sure you'll never ever come back to Gaza. And then you can use all the land they leave behind to build condos or something on the sea. Who really loses here?
Of course, we don't need to talk only about these things. But let's at least get together and break bread. Or noodles. Or whatever.