What we're about

My name is Phoenix Joe.

One of the biggest challenges I struggled in life was mastering and navigating issues around relationships and I am still on the journey of learning. I am talking about relationships of romantic kind, friendships, and parent-child; however, my main focus is on the romantic relationship as this is the one that gave me the most joy and heartache. Over two decades I sought answers from many sources, including psychology, neurobiology, evolutionary psychology, anthropology, faith traditions, and Korean folk wisdom. We are forming a discussion group to promote mutual learning, sharing and building a supportive community.

Will you join me in topical discussions covering questions and issues such as:

When is it time to let go, or double down?,

Three questions to ask before breaking up, and the tie-breaker question.

Three steps to moving on,

Biochemistry of love, and the bridge experiment,

Why you are much better off ending it with class and mindfulness,

Why every man is a multi-year DIY project; which ones are worth the investment?

Understanding men & the masculine mind

The anatomy of the masculine mind: Why does he keep going into his "Cave" (Mars/Venus Book)? What is he doing in there? How can we communicate so that he feels like his cave time is respected but you get enough connection time with him?

What is the number one thing the Masculine mind strives toward, and the ways women drive men away unwittingly?

What I learned about relationship success through flipping properties,

Lies men tell vs lies women tell,

Honesty is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship; lies are the lubricant moving it,

When honesty becomes selfish and burdening,

Is cheating ever ok or forgivable?

Why do many divorces happen over dirty dishes in the kitchen sink? The 2 steps cure.

Why a good man, a decent human being, a conscientious team member at work, lets the dirty dishes pile up at home. Why months of talks, reminders, and negotiations fail.

Dating challenges for a smart sexy career woman who have it all,

Dating issues for a single mother who is a good catch,

Dating Across the Devide - religion, race, income, education...;which differences matter

The first 5 dates - Where,what,Why?

The biggest stumbling block for finding a good match - the mental capital you exhaust on people over time who were never your match to begin with. By the time a good potential appears, you are not even in the game. Then what is the better plan?

Unlucky in love - luck, timing, failing, learning and resilience.

Why you should go out on two dates, even if he is not your type?

No, you cannot have it all, but can you?,

Why online dating sucks, but can you still pick out gems from the crud?,

What women can learn from oyster hunters,

If he is on the fence about you today, wait till five years from now,

Why women can be converted over time, but why men cannot be,

Who pays, what is the split, take turns?,

How does money come into play in a relationship, especially in the beginning?

Why you should give another chance to a date who did not offer to pay?

Can I date a man who makes less? Can I date a woman who I am having to pick up her tab too often?

Once you are in, what is the best money arrangement for modern day couples?

How politeness killed my marriage from the start - a perspective from my life.

Masculine woman & feminine man relationship dynamics,

Divorce is ok, divorce saved my life - a perspective from my life.

3 rules for modern-day relationship:1. Select mindfully from the get-go., 2. Fight like hell to grow your relationship, 3. Divorce is perfectly ok sometimes; you can walk away with your head held high.

Marriage sucks, get married anyways,

Benefits of being single vs Need to be coupled,

The real goal of marriage, a cultural myth through history and real modern day goals, benefits, and challenges.

Are we monogamous by nature? What does science or anthropology tell us about who we are?

Alternative relationships,

The legacy of swinging and polyamory,

Do friends with benefits work?,

What sex means for man vs woman, libido gap between the sexes through decades of life

Woman reaching sexual prime at middle age, men reaching sexual slump at middle age, what do ya do?

Am I with my soulmate?, Where is my true love? And what the heck is a soulmate or true love?

What are 2 things you can do for your man today that will have him speechless and almost tearful in gratitude,

Why women get plenty of bad advice all the time and men get no advice,

Why men are hesitant to commit these days,

Why men slack off, even the good ones? How men try to get away with it? 2 Step training shortcut?

Unwittingly stupid things women do to drive their men away? How honesty only comes out when it's over? How insulting your woman can be a kind act that saves a relationship?

Why a very good,honest, and caring man lies to his wife? How to gently invite truth out of him?

Why every woman needs 3 types of men in their life and what can you do to have them without cheating and hurting your partner,

How you are born to lose in relationships, but you are a winner,

In praise and criticism of the book - Eat Pray Love,

Therapists vs coaches vs friends vs Cosmo magazine

Marriage in postmodernism age, confusion from the shapeless nature, marriage for the 21-century humans

Why the traditional wedding vow needs a 21-century upgrade, Why a marriage that ends in a divorce is not necessarily a failure,

Prenups for the rich vs Talking points of mutual understanding for the middle class

Why I embarked on a project to normalize and popularize prenup for the middle-class couples, and turned it into a Talking Points project for couples getting ready to marry.

History of marriage, why this is the age with most challenges and yet it is also the age with the most potential for happy relationships,

Selling divorce to the West in the 60s, Now divorce is sold in the East-how and Why?

History of romanticism and its legacy,

Modern day relationship is like motorcycle riding. 1)Ride carefully, 2)Ride with protective gears in case you crash. What the heck does this mean in real life scenario? What does riding carefully look like? What gears?

What I heard my Korean grandmother say to my sister, and why Oprah would not have invited her,

There are no simple answers, but I believe together we can shed some light on the issues and better equip ourselves for a relationship in the 21st century.

*Event fee of $5 cash will be collected at each discussion session.

*I have been writing about women's issues for about 10 years.

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Membership Details:

WHY IS THIS GROUP PRIVATE?:

A: In the topical discussions, I do my best to share authentically. I do my best to keep my egoic self in check and share thoughts that are authentic, and sometimes private in nature. I imagine some of you will share authentically as well, as authentic sharing in a mutually supportive and non-judgmental environment can be cathartic, healing, and enormously empowering. For this reason, I think members prefer privacy.

WHAT THIS GROUP IS NOT, AND IS:

A: The group discussion sessions are not meant as a replacement for qualified therapy sessions. You are strongly encouraged to seek services from a qualified mental health care professional if you are, or suspect you are suffering from mental health issues. Our discussions are NOT meant to solve mental health conditions.

This group is NOT a dating service. Please, no unsolicited email(s) to other members. If you feel uncomfortable with email(s) you received, PLEASE MESSAGE me so that I can address the problem properly.

Our meetings are meant to provide a safe space where participants can gain insights about relationships from their own sharing and sharing of others. We discuss psychology only as it relates to relationship issues; hence there are no general discussions on mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, etc.

We want to build a community where we feel supported amongst simpatico minds in life’s journey, as no matter who you are, relationships are challenging as heck from start to finish - finding, sorting through, starting, managing, repairing...

ABOUT ME?:

A: I went to UCLA for economics then USD law, then a few others. I retired from commercial real estate career. I am married to a professor who teaches Anthropology/Archaeology. I have a lovely four-legged daughter who reminds me every day how great life is. I failed many things in life, and my relationships are the crown jewel of my anti-achievements in life. I am still learning and hopefully we can learn from each other.

Relationships hurt me badly at times but I am in a happy place now. I took several years to study, conducted interviews in various places in US, engaged in meaningful conversations, provided coaching services, wrote few books that are now looking like a stale pizza that needs to be reheated or be thrown away.

WHY DO YOU WRITE FOR WOMEN'S ISSUES?

A: I worked as a relationship coach in the past. I wrote to help my clients. I write primarily for women’s issues because I had success in helping women but experienced little success in helping men. I am currently working on two book projects. One of them is called – How to survive and thrive in a women’s world. I am hoping the project will culminate in a simple to read book that will be purchased by a woman to be given as a present to her boyfriend or husband, and hopefully not both.

WHERE DO YOU MEET?

A: We meet near Square One in Mississauga. If you request to meet another location, I can consider.

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