What we're about

This is a private and confidential meetup support group of people who are struggling with past or ongoing emotional or physical abuse. It is focus on dealing with PTSD or emotional pain as a result of being in a relationship with someone that they believe to have a level of sociopathy or narcissistic disorder and have experienced threats, extreme control, terroristic behavior, fear tactics, stalking, lack of empathy, lack of moral values, and possibly physical abuse or control tactics. Do you feel as if you were able to get out of the relationship but never feel free? Has it changed you in ways that other people can't understand, that you don't understand? Do you have questions for people who have experienced similar abuse?

I started this group to meet others who are experiencing anxiety, social issues, low confidence, fear, depression, and trying to discover who they are and how to feel joy and happiness again in the aftermath. Let's join together to find out how to sort through common feelings and questions. Feeling alone and without people who understand what you're going through can leave you feeling isolated and confused and wondering if others are experiencing the same things. If socializing, trust and the feelings of joy are hard to find and possibly a fear of your current relationships being hurt by the damage you feel inside, you're not alone.

I recently setup a Facebook group to have more fluid discussions. It is a private group, for members only. Only our members can see who is part of the facebook group and the discussions that occur:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/savannahhealing/

Since it is estimated that 1 in 20 people have a low to high level of sociopathy (starting with narcissism), there must be more people affected around you that also live in silent pain that may not show physical bruises.

Getting together with new acquaintances who understand and who have similar experiences and concerns that are hard to define and are confusing like yours is a way to heal and figure things out and if we all think it would be beneficial, we can eventually bring in a specialist each month focused on this type of Abuse/Trauma or PTSD related to emotional abuse.

If there are some people who would like to work on starting this group with me, that would be great. Thank you. I hope to meet you soon!

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CHECKLIST OF TRAITS OF A SOCIOPATH (Narcissistic disorder will present similar traits)

If you're not sure about someone you know or work with, here are two lists of traits you may notice in a sociopath by two renown experts of psychopathy Hervey Cleckley (author of The Mask of Sanity) and Robert Hare(author of Without Conscience, Snakes in Suits and The Psychopathy Checklist).

Robert Hare’s Checklist of Psychopathy Symptoms:

1. GLIB AND SUPERFICIAL CHARM — the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A psychopath never gets tongue-tied. He can also be a great listener, to simulate empathy while zeroing in on his targets’ dreams and vulnerabilities, to be able to manipulate them better.

2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH — a grossly inflated view of one’s abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Psychopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.

3. NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM — an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have a low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.

4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING — can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative and dishonest.

5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS: the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims.

6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT: a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted and un-empathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.

7. SHALLOW AFFECT: emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness and superficial warmth.

8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY: a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE: an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline and the inability to carry through one’s responsibilities.

10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS: expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR: a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of numerous, multiple relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity (rape) or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits and conquests.

12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS: a variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use and running away from home.

13. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS: an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

14. IMPULSIVITY: the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations and momentary urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic and reckless.

15. IRRESPONSIBILITY: repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

16. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS: a failure to accept responsibility for one’s actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

17. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS: a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including in marital and familial bonds.

18. JUVENILE DELINQUENCY: behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.

19. REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE: a revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation or failing to appear.

20. CRIMINAL VERSATILITY: a diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes or wrongdoings.

Hervey Cleckley's Traits List:

1. Considerable charm (superficial) and average or above average intelligence.

2. The absence of delusions and other signs of irrational thinking.

3. The absence of anxiety. Considerable poise, calmness.

4. Unreliability, disregard for obligations, no sense of responsibility, in matters of little and great import.

5. Untruthfulness and insincerity.

6. Antisocial behavior which is inadequately motivated and poorly planned, seeming to stem from an inexplicable impulsiveness.

(Definition of Antisocial behaviors is disruptive acts characterized by covert and overt hostility and intentional aggression toward others.)

8. Poor judgment and failure to learn from experience.

9. Pathological egocentricity. Total self-centeredness and an incapacity for real love and attachment.

10. General lack of deep and lasting emotions.

11. Lack of any true insight; inability to see oneself as others do.

12. Ingratitude for any special considerations, kindness and trust.

13. Fantastic and objectionable behavior, after drinking and sometimes even when not drinking. Vulgarity, rudeness, quick mood shifts, pranks for facile entertainment.

14. No history of genuine suicide attempts.

15. An impersonal, trivial, and poorly integrated sex life [Added: but often promiscuous]

16. Failure to have a life plan and to live in any ordered way (unless it is for destructive purposes or a sham).

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