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Joshua J.


Pasadena, CA
Hometown: Atlanta

Member since:

September 24, 2013

Your answers will be visible to everyone. This is like a resume to tell the other members what you are looking for. This is NOT a "swingers" group so please reflect this in your answer. What does the word polyamory mean to you?

"Many loves", if I'm in a literal mood. Polyamory implies, for me, looking at people with a clear head. Some people might not have the emotional resources to handle multiple partners, but many can. And if you love someone and they meet someone who makes them happy, and they are happy with you still too, why would you want to deprive them of the joy they get from being with that person? No one person can fulfill every possible need of another person. We're all different, and we're not halves of a single Platonic whole. We're puzzle pieces in a big puzzle, a web of interactions with each person trying to flourish as best they can. And polyamory is about taking that to the fullest extent, and allowing everyone the ability to be truly open and honest about themselves, their desires, and their relationships, and to seek out all the value they can in life, while helping those they love to do the same. Polyamory just seems to be the rational way to organize relationships.

Why did you join the polyamory meetup group?

I may consider coming to some of your events, in the hopes of learning more about polyamory from people who've been involved for longer than I have. While I think polyamory is the rational way to organize relationships, I haven't myself actually done it, and indeed have limited dating experience over all. I like to say I'm intellectually poly, since I think it's correct in the abstract, but haven't yet begun the endeavor to engage in poly relationships.

Are you currently involved in a poly relationship? How many individuals in your "tribe"?

Nope. I'm in a tribe of one right now, just me. :)

Do you have any children? What are their ages? (helps in planning activities)


What would your ideal poly relationship look like?

I really don't know. To be honest, I have such limited experience in relationships I feel like I don't even have a really firm grasp on the ideal monogamous relationship, let alone a poly one. In general, I suppose I would want my partners to be supportive and engaged in my interests, and I in their's, and for us to support each other and work to bring out the best in each other. I'd want us to be able to talk openly and clearly about any topic, and I'd want us to be able to think about those topics rationally. I don't know how many partners, what shape (a V, a triad, a quadrilateral, a complete bipartite graph, what have you) I'd want the relationship(s)/tribe to take, but I'd prefer it I think if everyone was close friends. For me, any relationship is based on being able to approach one another rationally and talk about whatever we want to, and to appreciate the other person based on the most fundamental aspects of themselves and their deepest held values and interests, poly or no.


I'm a transplant from Atlanta, out in LA to get my PhD in physics from USC. My interests are strongly inclined toward the geeky and academic, so science, economics, politics, philosophy, and science fiction (and general nerd culture stuff).

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