What we're about
Fed up with the single life? You're not alone. The single life can be fun, but eventually it is time to change the way that you hang out with people that you might be attracted to.... it's time to change the rules of dating and going out. The New "Friend Zone" is a group that will meetup to go surfing, to yoga, hiking, dancing, out to clubs, and any other activity where members focus on having fun as a group instead of focusing on finding "the one." Sounds like living in the perpetual "Friend Zone" status, but this is much, much different. This is about re-learning how to have fun with like-minded people and to take the pressure off of meeting other people. You've never seen something like this!!!
It's about time to turn the dating scene upside down and shake it up a little bit! The "NEW" FRIEND ZONE" is a new term that I came up with to bring some class, charm, and good ol' fashioned values back to the world of dating and hanging out with people that you might be attracted to. After being single for a number of years, I stumbled upon something that has been hiding right in front of us all this time. Even if you don't join the group, think about this concept and share it with your friends.
Here is how it works. Let's say that I meet a girl (it doesn't matter if I am attracted to her or not), and we become friends. We hang out and have some fun times and eventually I ask her if she has a boyfriend, to which she answers "yes" or "no". Then she asks me if I have a girlfriend, (which I don't), and I tell her that I don't date. I put every girl that I meet into a category that I call the "New Friend Zone". That means that I just hang out with girls as friends for 4-6 months so that I can get an idea if we will work out as a couple. Typically in that 4-6 months I will find things that would have eventually broken us up if we would have dated, but here is the great part- we are still friends!!! No more endless list of people that we met once or twice and never talked to again. In the New Friend Zone we can be very ambiguous about our feelings and offer some really great compliments to the other person and here is the KEY CONCEPT FOR GUYS- we can give compliments but then not "show our cards". The whole idea is to say really encouraging things that we actually feel but then move on to a different topic, not linger or keep saying things like we always do. And yes, you read it right... no intimate contact for that 4-6 months, and no talking about it. This is a push, back towards the days of being super respectful towards another person and taking time to be good friends and having fun. And if you make it to 5 months- I recommend spending an entire day with somebody in a crowded shopping mall. That will bring out the "crazy" in a lot of people, but that is ok too because then that person just ends up being a good friend. And if you make it past 5 months, how do you get it out of "The New Friend Zone? I will tell you when you make it that long ;)
How did this new term come into existence? I was going to school to be a Christian minister and I noticed that a lot of my friends would meet really nice people at church, bars or in clubs, but they would go out with them 1 time and that was it. I was thinking that there had a be a different way to do things. I really like to hang out with woman because they are cute, smell good, have softer skin than us guys, and are simply just amazing! But hanging out with these women is very difficult because it is human to want to start up a relationship as fast as possible so that they don't "get away." Eventually, I realized that us guys can have some control and we can keep from telling girls everything that we think and be respectful. As for the girls, I am learning that the saying is true, "Girls rule, guys drool!" Remember that. When the ladies forget that, they lose their "power" over us and then they start to pursue us guys. Sorry to say this, but when ladies start pursuing us guys they end up looking kind of pitiful- if you don't believe me, ask a guy.
Next- I have created over 20 Rules for the New Friend Zone. Don't take me too seriously on the word "rules", but trust me, if you fail to follow them, you will fall into the same old traps as everybody else in the regular dating world. For instance, Rule #1 -No talking about other people in front of the person you are spending time with. Example- If I met a nice girl, but I am also attracted to other girls, I stick to Rule #1, act like a gentleman should act, AND NOT TALK ABOUT OTHER GIRLS!!! EVEN ACTRESSES!!!! and ladies, NO TALKING ABOUT "MAGIC MIKE" in front of us either! Think about it, if you met a person that you were really attracted to, would you want to hear them talk about how gorgeous an actor is? Not really. I am betting that you would rather hear them not say anything at all about other people, or better yet, maybe throw some nice compliments your way. Think I am wrong? Wait till a guy starts talking about how much of a "smoke show" his ex-girlfriend is.... Key word, "is". When you have some time you can check out my blog or website for the other rules. I add another every few months as I figure them out. https://newfriendzone.wordpress.com/
So what can we do here in Orange County..? Surf, paddleboard, hike, anything.... but do it WITHOUT it being a "dating" thing. We could meet and I could tell you all about it. I am excited because I have met so many incredible people. I met a lot wonderful women in Puerto Rico and then another group in San Diego, and the girls get the concept, but guys have a really tough time with it. What guy wants to wait around for a woman for 5 months to figure things out? None!!! I don't want to wait that long either, but after watching hundreds of relationships turn into a slow motion train wreck, I would rather just hang out with the ladies and have tons of good times. One time, I had seven ladies at my house for Valentine's Day and there were no guy!!! Don't think that I am a chump for one second either. These ladies treated me so good, but I could only do it because I focused on simply treating them good and not on trying to hook up.
Think about what the dating world would be like if people took the pressure off of meeting "the one." You could relax, hang out with your friends, and focus on having some good times instead of wonder when "the one" is going to show up. Less drama, less failed relationships, fewer heart aches, and much, much more time to focus on living life instead of wasting time looking for that special someone. You already know that finding the right person is a matter of "luck" and timing, but for those of you that have a strong religious faith, you know deep down inside that it is a matter of just waiting patiently and that there really is nothing that you can do to speed up the process.
One last thing- this whole concept can be really confusing. Sorry. I speak with my heart so it tends to come out sounding all messed up, but believe me, it is all about treating others with the respect that they deserve and having some great times. So let's get out there and have some fun!
Here is a list of "Rules" to try and follow to really understand this New Friend Zone philosophy. Don't get hung up on the word "rule", but let me tell you something- break the "rule" and watch how fast things go off the tracks. Try it out. What's the worst that could happen, you make a nice friend to hang with? Check the DISCUSSIONS page to find out more about each Rule, and good luck out there!
RULE #1 for the Ladies- NEVER, EVER, talk about other guys in front of us guys, even actors!
RULE #1 for the Guys- NEVER, EVER, talk about other ladies in front of the ladies... and watch keep your eyes locked into theirs... no staring at their chest and keep your eyes from wandering and checking out other ladies!
RULE #2 for the Ladies and Guys- Guys pay!
RULE #3 for the Ladies- Learn how to give us good compliments!
RULE #3 for the Guys- Learn how to give the ladies a nice compliment and move on... not move in for a kiss!
RULE #4 for the Ladies and the Guys- DO NOT TALK ABOUT FEELINGS! (For like 5 months.... yes 5 months. It is going to take that long for the "real" version of the person that you like to show up.
RULE #5 for the Ladies- When you introduce your New Friend Zone guys to other New Friend Zone guys, share your charm with both of them instantly! Us guys get super jealous right away.
RULE #5 for the Guys- Introduce all of your New Friend Zone ladies to one another.... trust me, this is where the Gold Mine is!
RULE #6 for the Ladies- NEVER take advantage of us guys being nice to you. Show us appreciation for being a gentleman. Otherwise, you are treating us like a "Chump"!
RULE #6 for the Guys- Treat the ladies like a Princess.... even when they are not on their best behavior. Many women have been treated horribly and it may take some time for them to get use to being treated good.
RULE #7 for the Ladies- Try to adore us, even if you don't have feelings for us.
RULE #7 for the Guys- Try to adore her, even if you don't have feelings for her.
RULE #8 for the Ladies and the Guys- Try not to text or call too much.
RULE #9 for the Ladies and the Guys- If you are struggling with your relationships, find out what their LOVE LANGUAGE is.
RULE# 10 for the Ladies and the Guys- Find someone that shares your interests- opposites do not attract!